All I wanted was a lousy opinion!

Post Reply New Topic

I know this girl through the mountaineering club at UC. Nice person and all. Now I don't have alot of rapport with her but I know that she is a dietetics major at the University of Cincinnati. I wanted to get her opinion on switching my diet from eating 3 regular sized meals to 6 mimiature meals a day. I asked a couple of weeks ago and she did not answer. I waited a couple of weeks until today to ask her again. Maybe I did get a little aggressive today when I called her friend who I also knew fairly well. I also contacted her other friend who I also have some rapport with, we are all in the Mountaineering Club. I left her a message today before I left giving her my # on the front of the facebook page asking her to call me at 10:00 tonight.


I was late in getting home and did not arrive until 10:15. I log on to Facebook and I notice that she is on. I asked her if she tried to call and no response. Now this is where I probably screwed up. I asked her the question on Facebook chat and she gets off of Facebook immediately. After that the first thought in my mind was f**k YOU.

Can anybody explain to me why she did not respond?

How did you initially ask her?

You shouldn't have contacted her friends, nor should you have told her to meet you on facebook or anywhere else without having first established a relationship with her.

I mean we don't really hang out or anything. We know eachother and we have been on a camping trip or two together in the past two years. So you are saying that in order for her to answer my question I should have developed a strong friendship with her first?

I believe I Facebooked her a couple of weeks ago and got no response. Then I waited.

She feels stalked by you. You should have let it drop when she didn't answer your question initially. Going through different avenues to re-ask the same question gives her two possibilities:

1)You really care about the answer to the question and have made it her responsibility to answer it. If she answers it, there will be another diet related question and another and another until she has somehow been drafted into becoming your personal dietician.

2)You don't really care about the answer to the question and it was just a pretext to talk to her. Now you are infatuated and will hunt her down wherever she goes. Stalking.

Both of these would be bad for her, although the first would be merely annoying rather than scary. But in any case, now the more you ask, the farther she will run.

As a general rule, if somebody doesn't answer a question (that they are not obligated to answer), don't ask again. Asking again shows that you think they are obligated to answer, which sours any possible relationship.

If your question had been about the mountaineering you have in common, I suspect she would have offered some kind of response. But in asking something related to her field of study, you stepped beyond that ...

... kind of like running into a doctor at the grocery store and then asking for a free medical opinion outside his or her actual office environment.

So do you guys think I should apologize? I'm not goint to unless its a good idea.

Based on the information you have provided, it sounds like you are harrassing her. I'm not surprised she is backing off.

You can find out the information you want just by using Google.

You *might* consider contacting this mutual friend ...

... and then simply let that mutual friend know you now realize your error and ask that your apology be relayed ... and then just forget it altogether.

I have to learn from this experience. So I don't repeat it.

Maybe next time you run into the mutual friends, just bring it up and say "you didn't realise you were going too far and that you feel bad about it"

She never replied to you so I don't think you need to apologise to her directly.

Lastly, don't feel bad about it. I know I've done what you did many many times in the past. As you say, note it, and learn. Social interactions are like experiments, when they fail, try not to get upset, take notes to learn from, and apply them in future experiments