Most people my age are boring!!

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I'm 30 years old, male and was diagnosed when I was 26. So yeah one can imagine that I'm not married, not that I really want to be in the first place. I have noticed that after most people have kids they become shut ins!! They don't want to go out and do anything with hardly anybody. Whatever happened to just hiring a babysitter!

You know its funny, the way my life is going those that once would have laughed at me, now envy me. Oh how wonderful it is to watch people that them get a taste of what I had to live through for the past 26 years.

It's also easy to note that women seem to "disappear" between their early- to mid-twenties and their mid- to late- fourties. I rarely see women in that age-group out in public; and if I do, they are surrounded by children and look frazzled.

Getting help to take care of your children is not as easy as just "hiring a nanny". Would you leave your most beloved posession to a person you hardly know? Besides, probably they just do not want to hang with you. If have found it is very difficult to hang out with single people. Our interests, topics of conversation, and even our ideas of having a good time are different. I do not find going to the disco or drinking attractive anymore. The best you can do is get new friends. Single friends.

I am your age and I understand where you're coming from and I am also single and have not children. However, just because others your age are married and have children, it doesn't stop you from getting out there to have a good time. I would suggest trying some single's organizations for people your age. (Not Events and Adventures, they will rip you off). I would start by looking through the good old internet in your area and see what is available. They often have things that you can attend on a regular basis such as going to play tennis. Why I know several people in their 30s and 40s who are quite active and they are not married and do not have children. Don't worry about what other people are doing and find things that you enjoy doing.

I've noticed this too.

Most of my friends are now married, have mortgages and kids, now not only do they not come out any more but they don't seem to have contact with anyone outside of their immediate family, once you have a kid you seem to drop off the face of the earth. Once they have kids you have to discount them as friends because you'll just not hear from them again, it's like some invisible line where once you cross over you're someone else - I understand people have new priorities, but at some point surely they must be able to make a little time for themselves, I don't understand what happens to them and what it is they actually do with their time!

At 28 I'm starting to become one of the older people in the clubs I go to, which is depressing, particularly for someone who didn't get to enjoy their twenties - I keep trying to figure out what someone of my age is 'supposed' to do. I plan to have kids, but I really am not looking forward to then no longer having a social life, not making new friends or going out clubbing any more - I'm a very social person, it's immensely damaging that unemployment has left me unable to socialise right now, I can't imagine going even longer with even less social interaction. It seems like you hit a certain age and your friend quota is already filled so no new friends are made, then you go into domesticity and your life suddenly surrounds your partner and children with no room for who you are any more. I wonder at 28 if my social life is now doomed as my friends start families and I'm expected to do the same.

I just can't get my head around it, and honestly I find it upsetting.

Last edited by Bloodheart on 19 Jun 2011, 8:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Just some insight from the other side. Once you have a kid they are your time. I thought it was odd how girls just vanished when they had kids, no energy, no motivation and never left their homes.... These were the people who were keeping me from being a shut-in lol. Then I had a kid, and now I understand.

I'm 32 now and my kiddo is 8. The first 3 months I didn't even sleep, no exaggeration there. Every 3 hours the baby has to eat. It doesn't matter if it's from the mother or the bottle, it's every 3 hours. You can't skip it you can't put it off, it's insanity, 100% 24/7. But I now have the skill of sleeping while sitting up and doing things...After the first 3 months it's slightly easier but you're dealing with a person who can not do anything for themselves. They don't even raise their heads by themselves for months.

It took me 2 1/2 years to no longer have to change dippers every hour or 2 and another year after that to stop having to drag the damn survival bag with me where ever I went.... Picture this, 5'3" back pack full of formula, dippers, clothing, binnkies, toys, food, and what have you, baby snuggie on chest w/baby, three bags of heavy groceries, a stroller and (at the time) 325lbs of me, all struggling to climb up the steps on the bus. That's being a mom.

It's constant hard work that demands your attention despite your other interests. Without question or remorse. If your child is sick, hurt or not quite right You are the one to blame. (Logic doesn't figure in here). And you're bombarded by propaganda about what makes a good mom. Jiff has nothing on the Parenting Magazine people! Going out is frowned upon by other moms, and they watch you like a hawk, this is not paranoia, it's true. More then one woman I've known has lost her children from lies told by another who was angry... I used to wake up screaming from dreams about that.

I didn't get to leave my house for fun or pretend to have a life again until my kid started school at age 5. By then everyone I'd used to known was gone or unavailable during "mother's hours". Also I used to paint, draw, write, build things, sit in one spot and read a book cover to cover in a day... nope. All done all gone. Your brain is rewired while your pregnant, it's noticable if you listen to a woman talk who's just had a baby. Ask her the names of common things, she will mess up and call a sink a stove or a dog a fish. You lose talents and interests, not because of lack of time or practice but because you brain no longer works the way it did before.

I'm willing to say the average Mom is just as off as any non NT up until there kids are around 7 or so... when they stop being just little kids and start being little people. Also doctors, families and friends deeply underestimate the effect depression has on a new mom, they chalk it all up to "stress" and leave the woman to sort it out herself. Postpartum depression is as real as the air you are breathing and about as noticeable, it's just there. It also does not just go away and requires treatment. I met a woman who'd youngest child was 17 and she was in for treatment of postpartum. So now I'm 32 and just as alone as when all my past friends went off to start lives, except now I'm an Aspie, didn't know that before, and a single mom. The odds I'll find friends again is only slightly higher then finding a lover.

So I guess my answer to "Why are we so boring?" is we've changed, in fundamental ways.

calamity138, your reply here TERRIFIES ME! lol...

LOL Bloodheart, it still freaks me out : ) Children are not to be undertaken lightly.

Still there is a lot of fun to consider as well. For example this year I've gotten to build multiple dioramas, including a realist shark habitat. Also children are easy to deal with once they can talk. They also don't tend to lie very much until they learn how so for an Aspie parent toddler-hood to teenage is great. I just spent the last hour talking over what constitutes a Crime as well as what is a Petty crime vs. those that truly deserve punishment... that lead us to talk about Hitler and why it's wrong to hate people who are different : ) Honestly it's one of the most intelligent conversations I've had in a while. Also kids give completely honest answers/reactions to everything and need to be taught how the world works, much like anyone on the Autism Spectrum. This makes it fun and easy to explain things because they don't know if you say something other people would find upsetting. They also don't judge the way adults do and the best thing is they LOVE you, no matter what.

This has been one of the most difficult and amazing things I've ever done and I'm no where near done yet either : ) The first 4-7 years are not easy and I'm sure once the hormones kick in it'll be harder again, but I wouldn't give her up for anything. Given the chance to go back in time I'd still have her, hard-core mind bending stress and all.

I will explain to you what I do with my time. I wake up at 4:30 am every single weekday, prepare breakfast, lunch, my kid's lunch pack, wash dishes. As my daughter and husband both have AS I have to keep track of what they are doing because if I do not they will get lost and we will not get out on time to drive her to school. I work the whole day from 9 am to 6 pm, they I run home to prepare dinner, wash dishes again, and help my kid with homework and through her sleeping routine, which includes reading a book to her every night. She finally goes to sleep at around 9:30 pm and then I can take a rest, go watch some TV or spend some time with my husband, and around 10:30 I go to sleep, and start all over the next day. I have to work 1/2 day on Saturdays, so we usually on have 1/2 day, which I use to help my daughter with homework because the load of homework is impressive. She will spend 1/2 Saturday and 1/2 Sunday (if we are lucky, because sometimes it takes more time) doing homework. The little time we have left we spend on errands (buying groceries, shopping, running errands, etc.), or going out. Sometimes we go out by ourselves, but we like to hang out with friends, too. When we are lucky enough our friends can actually hang out with us (they usually have things to do, too), we go to the movies, or to eat, or take the children to some nice place like the zoo, the park, museum, etc. We usually hang out with other couples because it is easier. If you hang out with adults, our daughter cannot take part in the conversation, and as she is all by herself she gets bored (not fair). If we hang out with other couple with kids, she can play with the kids while we talk, so everybody has a good time. My husband complained a lot when we had our daughter. He wanted to continue behaving like a single man. That is just not possible. You have new responsibilities and a little person to take care of. If you want to continue going to clubs and stuff, I will recommend you not to have children. Best wishes.