How do you go from introvert to extrovert?????

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LittleSwallow
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03 Dec 2011, 4:53 pm

Basicially how to you go from having practically no friends to having loads of friends and (hopefully) a boyfriend, especially when there is no social groups at the moment to join, only school and shite like that? :( :(

Please help thanks! :)



Wallourdes
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03 Dec 2011, 5:48 pm

Church, sports, Deep Brain Stimulation, fraternities and Live Action Roleplay might be options.


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1000Knives
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03 Dec 2011, 6:55 pm

Well, you talk to people. However, being an extrovert is hard and you'll probably crash and be worse off than before if you do it wrong. That's what happened to me. So, you know, don't overexert yourself, basically.



Lepidoptera
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03 Dec 2011, 7:38 pm

Introversion and extraversion are basic personality traits that cannot be changed. Being an introvert doesn't prevent you from having friends. I think that's more of an AS issue. I'd suggest finding a group that shares one of your interests and join that. That's where all my friends came from, however few they might be. General purpose social groups have never worked for me.



lightening020
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03 Dec 2011, 7:46 pm

Lepidoptera wrote:
Introversion and extraversion are basic personality traits that cannot be changed. Being an introvert doesn't prevent you from having friends. I think that's more of an AS issue. I'd suggest finding a group that shares one of your interests and join that. That's where all my friends came from, however few they might be. General purpose social groups have never worked for me.


I agree. You cant try to be more extroverted.......it will just hit you back in th head later on....



LittleBlackCat
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03 Dec 2011, 8:13 pm

I was very introverted during my school days and am now very much an extrovert. However I think my earlier introversion was more due to chronic bullying over a period of many years and once I left the school environment and no longer had to put up with that my true personality came out.

I don't think being extroverted means having lots of friends though. I have four friends that I see regularly at the moment. There are other people I know from groups I attend but don't see outside those groups so I don't really count as friends. They are more the transient acquaintances I quite often develop in my life that are connected with a particular activity and once the activity stops I never see them again.

I can't cope with too many friends because I like to have a lot of time to myself to engage in my interests and spend with my husband and daughter and it would annoy me if people were constantly calling me up and wanting to meet every day. But I am outgoing with people and will happily engage random people in conversation so I am an extrovert in that sense.

It marries up with poor social skills in my case in that I have a tendency to butt into conversations without being invited, interrupt people, repeat myself because I can't tell the difference between "haven't heard" and "not interested", monologue, dominate conversations, talk too loud, be too insensitive when expressing my opinions etc. etc. I can be a right pain in the arse sometimes, but my good friends also recognise my many positive qualities and forgive me my bad ones, as I do theirs...



ScientistOfSound
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04 Dec 2011, 1:17 pm

I have a tip for you, I did this and I found friends almost straight away, whom with I socialize and spend time with regularly now. Want to know the secret?

DON'T TRY TO BEFRIEND "NORMAL" PEOPLE!
Especially popular types. They're all snobby, arrogant dickheads who don't have souls.

Look for nerds, and hippies, and quirky types. Hanging around those types of people has really made my life alot better. They're often friendly, and have more soul and personality than most people, so there's alot less chance of being backstabbed or laughed at.
Also, they'll be ALOT more intelligent and talk about more interesting things too, and may even tolerate you talking about your special interest. However, NT people will just want to make pointless small talk about the weather, sports, celebrities, crappy cheap pop music, and other pointless uninteresting stuff. They're boring as hell and I can't stand them. Look for interesting, nice, friendly people rather than boring, grey clones who are so far up their own asses they get offended when somebody breaks their precious social rules. I spit on them and their attitude.

**I use "normal" as a term to refer to the majority of people, or mainstream/popular culture. I realise that NT people aren't all boring asshats, so if I sound bitter I apologise ;)



ashura96
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04 Dec 2011, 2:48 pm

I'm pretty certain that I could never become an extrovert...it just isn't in me.



Djimbe
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04 Dec 2011, 4:05 pm

the boyfriend thing is, sadly, pretty easy if you're even an average looking 20 year old...

Just walk up to that guy that makes you horny (and lets face it if he didnt you would only want to be his friend and not his GF) and describe in graphic detail what you would like to do to him physically. just dont let anyone else hear you. And tell him after he stares at you drooling that if he was your boyfriend it would not only happen , but happen often.

Of you're like over 200 lbs or have like CP or just plain look mannish thats not as likely to work though. Sorry but thats just the way of the world.


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Burnbridge
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04 Dec 2011, 4:11 pm

I'll second the LARPing recommendation. Finding a boyfriend is guaranteed.


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monkees4va
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04 Dec 2011, 4:45 pm

Find a group which has similar interests. I am now in a very close knit group of friends, because we all share at least two things in common. For the majority (and because my home country is well known for it) it started off as simply someone to drink/party with. Then, through conversation, you find out you like similar topics, TV shows, anything really.
I am still an introvert. I still need time to recharge and be left alone. I maybe socialise at maximum 3/4 times a week, and that's pushing it. You can't change your personality, only your behaviour.

As for the boyfriend issue? All mine have been aspies, and have been successful relationships. I'm not saying that is a definite course of action, but I was always able to connect to them better than any other guy. Plus, they usually respected me enough to let me take the lead on how fast everything headed. They were shy, but with trust building they slowly came out of their shells with me. Just food for thought.


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05 Dec 2011, 2:18 am

monkees4va wrote:
I am still an introvert. I still need time to recharge and be left alone.


I can relate to this, I tend to need time to process everything and social situations tend to be more emotionally draining to me, I'm also analytical and conscious when it comes to social situations. I suppose over analyzing can be a problem in itself when it comes to being introverted.

Making a few close friends and perhaps forming a relationship rather than having many acquaintances is probably the best choice, that also gives her the option to disclose who she is at her own pace and comfort. I find with some people, I only share something in common with them but I never become involved on an emotional level or build a connection with them so the friendship is dependent on that particular interest. For instance, I know if I stopped working out and playing video games, I wouldn't have much at all in common or any reason to talk to a few of my male friends.



zer0netgain
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05 Dec 2011, 8:59 am

Work, work, and more work.

I can't say how to have lots of friends, but an introvert, if they make the effort to become more outgoing, can condition themselves to be more extroverted.

My ranking as an INTJ has always stayed the same, but my I/E score has shifted more towards the E over the years...although I'm still an I.



DuneyBlues
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05 Dec 2011, 9:33 pm

No idea , Ecstasy perhaps?


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minervx
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06 Dec 2011, 1:57 am

Here's how. You see people as one in a million, and don't take rejection personally.

If things don't work out with one person, don't be hurt, just go onto the next person.



Djimbe
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06 Dec 2011, 2:15 am

Miner:

Thats glossing over the problem that, especially for us aspies , people really ARENT disposeable like that. I mean, at least not the ones that appeal to us.

I know that for someone just to be able to TOUCH me without it freaking me the hell out they have to move just a certain way, carry themselves JUST SO, etc. and if i alienate such a person they arent exactly easily replaceable. And so to find a person that I want to HUG, or (ugh) KISS? Totally rare. so just hoping you "Luck up" on saying and doing the right thing to attract a person is really not a viable option for an aspie a lot of the time, especially considering that we havent even gone into weather you're even physically attracted to the person in question yet, like are they fatter than you like, do they have a Pizza Face, etc....

That withstanding , thats a more okay approach for friends though. But even still, finding connections are harder for us.


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