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amdedinboro
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15 Jul 2016, 9:41 pm

It's been coming more and more clear to me lately that part of my issue with socializing is that I just don't seem to share any common interests with the people around me. I'm passionate about a lot of things, and it's not like they're especially weird things, but they're things that seem to bore other people. I listen to different music, watch different movies, read different books, go to different places than what most people my age seem to enjoy. I have no interest in sports, drinking, video games, or most of the areas of interest that seem to bring people together and break down barriers between them. It used to seem so much simpler when I was growing up, but now I'm not sure how to get past these sorts of differences.

Anyone else experience this or have any advice?



C2V
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19 Jul 2016, 8:57 pm

This is why I only "socialise" in interest area groups. You know the people there have at least that interest in common. And they may also have lateral interests you enjoy - if they're at a language class, for example, maybe they got there because they enjoy that cultures cuisine or maybe they intend to travel there, or they have a background of family from that country.
I also find trying to engage in "mainstream interests" pointless. With interest groups, I also vastly prefer the structured format of sticking to the topic and discussing something of real interest, and avoiding straying into small talk or personal disclosure about my own life.
Maybe you could join a group related to one of our interests? Cut out all this excess and just get down to the subjects you actually like, because that's why you're there?


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startide_rising
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19 Jul 2016, 11:57 pm

amdedinboro wrote:
It's been coming more and more clear to me lately that part of my issue with socializing is that I just don't seem to share any common interests with the people around me. I'm passionate about a lot of things, and it's not like they're especially weird things, but they're things that seem to bore other people. I listen to different music, watch different movies, read different books, go to different places than what most people my age seem to enjoy. I have no interest in sports, drinking, video games, or most of the areas of interest that seem to bring people together and break down barriers between them. It used to seem so much simpler when I was growing up, but now I'm not sure how to get past these sorts of differences.

Anyone else experience this or have any advice?


I can definitely relate to that.

C2V's advice about socializing in interest groups, so that you know you have something in common with everyone there, makes a lot of sense to me.

Another strategy is to try to get some of the people around you into one of your interests. To make that work, though, I think the key is to come up with a clever way to hook them on it. I've noticed that when I'm trying to get someone into something, I'll try to pitch it differently based on what I know that person likes already. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does the trick.

Or maybe try alternating things you're into with things other people are into? For instance, if you sat through a more mainstream movie or TV episode with a friend one week, and then the next week you got them to sit through one that you're into. This way at least there's a feeling of repricocity, and maybe you'll both discover new interests.

Good luck!