Trying to leave a friend in the past is hard

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gailryder17
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22 Jul 2011, 6:32 pm

So I don't want to talk to my two friends anymore. I've had a bit of trouble with them and I'm putting the past behind me. I stopped talking to both of them and defriended them on Facebook (is this a crime? :o) and now one of them is asking if I don't want to talk to her anymore. The sad thing is, my other friend didn't contact me at all after that and I put a lot of effort into that friendship. I decided to be honest with this and be kind about it. I'm not sure how to react. I said something along the lines of "I have to be honest with you. I don't want to continue this, but I hope that I'm doing the right thing." I told her I can't explain well what she did.

Now I spent my summer re-evaluating my friendship with her. During the beginning of the year, I grew apart from one friend. She then trashed-talked her when we would drive in the car. I talked about this with my mom for her insight and she described it as being "she tried to pull you away because she didn't have many friends". Anyway, this friend just responded that I should do what I want but it's not fair.


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Guilted_Lady
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22 Jul 2011, 7:24 pm

I don't think there's much any of us can do for you other than speculate... none of us really know what your friends are thinking... but.

Cutting them off without a explanation is a bit of a hard blow. It leaves them wondering what they've done wrong. As for the friend that didn't say a word - that's unfortunate, but now you know where you stand with her.

Whatever happens, do what is best for you and not what other people want. I'm not sure why you have decided you do not want to be friends with these girls anymore, but if it was because of something that hurt you, you should stick by it. Not just for yourself, but for your friends as well. If you are going to take that step, to not be friends with them anymore, don't go back on your word.


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gailryder17
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22 Jul 2011, 7:52 pm

Thanks.

My friend that replied called me up and wanted an explanation (understandable). I told her that I needed a break and time to think, which is why I haven't talked to her. It's not her fault entirely. I thought about my two friends. The one that didn't reply, I was particularly fond of until now. Anyway, the other friend replied that she wanted to be able to talk again but that she also isn't judging my choice. I wish I invested more energy into this friendship than the other one. Now, I can't put energy into either.


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Ai_Ling
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23 Jul 2011, 5:59 am

Was this a sudden thing or did both parties see it coming. Like you had conflicts with these friends. If the conflicts were very mild and you suddenly cut them cold, thats probably not a good idea. It makes a lot of people wondering what they did. I think what most NTs do in cases where nothing really happened and they want to end the friendship. They'll either say, they need some space or they'll slowly withdraw where its not so sudden.

Personally I dont cut friendships unless I really think they cannot work. I lost 2 friends at the early part of this year and I dont regret it. One unfriended me, I unfriended the other person. The 1st person who unfriended me led me to seriously evauluate who I was hanging out with and whether it was really a match. This led into me unfriending the other friend 2 weeks later but we were already having significant problems anyways. Losing 2 friends in 1 month really would suck for most people. For me, I was glad in the end they were gone.