Mini golf, bbq tea.. and coming on strong

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leiselmum
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 28 Jun 2012
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 151

12 Jul 2012, 5:40 am

Hi
We are nearing the end of school holidays and my daughter and I went to en excursion with the autism network in our town to a game of mini golf and a bbq tea. This boy, wanted to by my daughters friend as soon as he saw her. His mother who is organiser of this network organised for myself, my daughter and her son and her to play the 18 rounds of mini golf.
He kept on asking if she my child would go to his house to be his friend. She kept on saying 'I dont know'
He is 13 my child is 15.
During the 18 holes his mother told me her son was diagnosed at 8 years of age but kept on flirting with the two ladies who were involved in diagnosing him. She said he liked pretty girls.
He didn't leave this wanting to be friends alone, he found us again at the end of the event and asked once more, if either he could come around to our home or my daughter to his. His mother insisted they would only be friends not boyfriend girlfriend.

This is unknown ground for me, in every way. This was our first time at such an event and of its kind.

Even being having this diagnoses feels isolating even at an activity with the participants having autism. Everyone is so different in their autism.
I feel that this boy was further along on the spectrum, I could be wrong. My husband and son believe if you are with people who have it more low functioning you tend to end up becoming that.
I dont intend to be ignorant or offensive. I know hardly anything about this, When I put my head in a book about this, it is overwhelming and I put it down and put it off.



thepurplefire13
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 27 Jun 2012
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16 Jul 2012, 9:17 pm

Well, you won't become less functioning if you associate with those who are less functioning, but you may learn how to communicate better and relate to those who are lower functioning. If your daughter is 15, why not let her decide whether or not to be friends with him? If she does, she has a new friend. If she doesn't, you won't have to stress anymore. Hope this helps.



chessimprov
Toucan
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Joined: 11 Jun 2010
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Location: Philadelphia

20 Jul 2012, 11:47 pm

Well, considering your husband's and son's attitude, that may be too much unfortunate pressure on your daughter. I wouldn't reject a friendship with the person just based on perception of level of functionality. Ultimately, it should be up to your daughter without pressure to decide if she wants to be friends with him or not. Dating can be a different story.

Keep as many connections with as many autistic families as possible. That way you can form your own perspective. Being around other families and experiencing their similarities and differences will help you learn about your daughter and will keep you from being overwhelmed about some book that may or may not be on point at all.

There are many books that point toward autism as a disease, lumping high functioning with low functioning and based on institutionalization and not working on social skills or treating that may be just extremely different with respect and dignity. A lot of members on here who post are probably at least relatively high functioning (in a more non-verbal manner at the minimum) to be able to communicate on here. So, just some things to be aware of.

Go to as many social autism outings, workshops, conferences, and even a retreat if you can (Autreat is the only one I know of in the US).