Why do people never want to get together with me?

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Belushi87
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01 Jul 2011, 8:00 pm

I try and make plans with people, they never want to do them or they have other plans.

What bothers me more is that when I try and get together with people, they can’t because they are “busy” with work or family things. Then I find out on facebook that they went out with other people and it hurts me because I took the time to make plans and I get denied, but within minutes the people I try and get together with made plans with other people.

I don’t know what I am doing wrong?



Negolin
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01 Jul 2011, 8:15 pm

screw them.



YoshiBaby
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01 Jul 2011, 10:38 pm

same thing happens to me. people ignore me on facebook, they cant hange out.......i dont really even feel like going on about what they did to me. just delete your facebook and stop trying to hang out with people, delete your email, delete text from your phone. and just find stuff to do alone by yourself, and quit trying to make friends.



Belushi87
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02 Jul 2011, 12:26 am

why would i quit making friends?? ill be pretty sheltered not having a way for my parents to get in contact with me.



Asterisp
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02 Jul 2011, 2:52 am

Maybe you should find something like a sport or club and participate in activities there. That could be fun and you get to meet people there. I have some friends and most I met on such occasions.

Meeting people online was not a success for me.



Moopants
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02 Jul 2011, 4:45 am

I left Facebook for this very reason. It's so hurtful to see all your so called friends out without you.

I don't think becoming a hermit would work like potential troll above suggested. I do think you need to change your friends. Dont fall out with the ones you have as it would be counterproductive, just go find people who share your social interests. It may be you're suggesting things they're not keen on or they could just be rude, selfish f*ckers who don't care for anyones feelings but their own. It's likely not just you they do this to so don't make it your fault. Its them.

Sadly it's how human beings work and it doesn't change as you get older. Widen your circle of friends so you can puck and choose who you want to hang out with and when.

Take care



ravenintheradio
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11 Jul 2011, 12:18 pm

happens a lot to me as well. I pretend like it doesn't bother me, although it does. eventually I start acting rude around them and that I want nothing to do with them. they never get it though. it's just the way they are. i've even had a person ask for my number on four different occasions in which I obliged, but never heard a word from them. I wish I had some sort of solution for it, but as of now (and most of my life), I'm in the same boat as you. I believe it's because people are honestly just flat out disinterested in my life.



ForestRose
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11 Jul 2011, 2:42 pm

Asterisp wrote:
Maybe you should find something like a sport or club and participate in activities there. That could be fun and you get to meet people there. I have some friends and most I met on such occasions.

Meeting people online was not a success for me.


I think this is good advice. The best way to make new friends is to join a club or activity of interest. Then you'll be able to talk to people you have at least something in common with and always have that topic to discuss if all else fails. What kind of things are you interested in?

Definitely don't shut yourself away and stop trying to make friends, that's not so good advice. My advice would be not to withdraw from everyone but to try and move on and meet some new people if it seems friendships with these people aren't going to work out.



richardbenson
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11 Jul 2011, 6:31 pm

There trying to let you down nicely. It happens to the best of us


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wizzynoo
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12 Jul 2011, 7:02 am

Belushi87 wrote:

I don’t know what I am doing wrong?


It doesnt sound like you are doing anything wrong. It sounds like the people who you are contacting, just arnt your type. But there will be types of people out there who you are suited to. You could try and join a karate class, or something similar, where you can meet people and take things slowly, and build up frienship with them, bit by bit, instead of always on the internet. And they will have a chance to get to know you properly, and see you smiling and become comfortable in getting to know you.



CockneyRebel
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16 Jul 2011, 2:57 pm

Because they're the ones with the problems.


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16 Jul 2011, 4:39 pm

Belushi87 wrote:
... I don’t know what I am doing wrong?

What plans do you offer? Do you just say, "Let's hang out"? If so, then they could easily be more interested in going someplace to actually do something.

Are the plans you offer interesting to them? Do you even know what might interest them?

Do you tend to obsessively dominate the conversation with your favorite topic? If yes, then they may not want to hear about it any more.

Do you always seem to be short of cash and expect them to pay your way? If yes, then that's an efficient way to lose friends fast.

Do you bathe, wear clean clothes, pay your own way, listen attentively, do things that are interesting to others, and generally give an attractive, friendly, and cooperative impression? If yes, then maybe you need to find new friends.



blahblah123
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16 Jul 2011, 5:11 pm

Belushi87 wrote:
I try and make plans with people, they never want to do them or they have other plans.

What bothers me more is that when I try and get together with people, they can’t because they are “busy” with work or family things. Then I find out on facebook that they went out with other people and it hurts me because I took the time to make plans and I get denied, but within minutes the people I try and get together with made plans with other people.

I don’t know what I am doing wrong?


They're not busy - they just don't want to hang out with you. They don't just say "No" because they feel sorry for you and don't want to be mean.

edit: If you're asking why people don't want to hang out with you, it's probably because they perceive you as being boring and/or weird. (no offense)



LuckyLeft
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22 Jul 2011, 9:01 pm

Moopants wrote:
I left Facebook for this very reason. It's so hurtful to see all your so called friends out without you.

I don't think becoming a hermit would work like potential troll above suggested. I do think you need to change your friends. Dont fall out with the ones you have as it would be counterproductive, just go find people who share your social interests. It may be you're suggesting things they're not keen on or they could just be rude, selfish f*ckers who don't care for anyones feelings but their own. It's likely not just you they do this to so don't make it your fault. Its them.

Sadly it's how human beings work and it doesn't change as you get older. Widen your circle of friends so you can puck and choose who you want to hang out with and when.

Take care
\


@Moopants
I was about to shut my FB off, but I found this aspergers awareness page on there than I occasionally drop a few words by. Not too long afterwards I found this site :)

@Original Post
And yes, it hurts when people don't want to have anything to do with you. You ask for their numbers, call the numbers and they don't pick up. And then when you see them again, they come up with some excuse to why they didn't pick up. I thought reconnected with my old 'friends' and told them I wanted to hang out with them over the weekend. I tried calling them, and they asked me where they were at, and they never came and picked me up, or returned my calls. I can remember some people playing some FB game, and when I commented on his page, I was the only one who didn't click the like button for. Some may purposely skip over my comments and go to everyone else who commented on my page. Some people have refused my requests, but the ones who didn't rarely talk to me. And yet they wish me a 'Happy Birthday'. I was too naive to see it, but they never talked to me, or send me anything. It gets me so angry. I was against FB, refusing to catch on to fads, but I think I was in the middle of an obsession of a person when I created it, and I didn't want her to think she was my only friend, so I added classmates in college & high school.

This has happened outside of FB too. I remember one of my cousins boyfriends gave me reserved tickets to a College Basketball Game of Davidson (Stephen Curry, he's an NBA player now, and a top 5 player in college) vs Georgia Southern. I did it for me, and my two 'friends'. Strangely enough sporting events are the only time I don't worry about crowds (b/c I'm so in tuned with the game, I don't notice or anyone else). I called, they never showed up. I ended up going by myself. I saw them at school the next week to talk about the game, and rambled about it like I usually do about basketball, not caring what anyone thought, but that's when I started to notice my 'friends' and them wanting to associate with me, now looking back on it.

You're not the only one who deals with this nonsense....



LostUndergrad9090
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22 Jul 2011, 9:29 pm

yeah that has happened to me too. I try not to hide that it gets to me but it really does. It has become better and have learned to cope with it. I find that some people only want to hang out at certain times and other times they dont.