Feeling unwelcome at volunteer day

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I have been volunteering at a local city zoo for the last few months to make some connections and gain some new experience. I also happen to volunteer in more than one area so that I have more than one area under my belt. One of these positions happens to be on the enrichment team once a month where I make toys for animals to keep them occupied while they are kept in captivity behind and on exhibit. Although I have been there before and the director has met and knows that I have Asperger's Syndrome, she appeared to be very unfriendly. She did not once welcome me back to the group and did not smile while saying a very unhappy hello.

I also tired to engage in conversations with some of the others in the group who were also volunteers that has been there for a number of years and they all seemed to welcoming of each other. However, most of them were a bit on the clicky side as they were not thrilled to see someone new. Yet, I found myself having a nice conversation with teenage volunteers who were enthused to talk to anyone. Other than that, I found myself trying to work rather than talk unlike most of the people there.

Does anyone else ever experience this?

All of the time.

Welcome to Aspergia.

When leaving the task, I felt very empty and wanted to break down and cry. I don't have problems with any of the other departments like the education one or the administrative offices or even the kitchen where they are friendly even though they don't talk that much. It was just this group today which sort of surprised me.

I am sorry. Behavior like this is inevitable. NTs seem somewhat xenophobic when it comes to Aspies and others with behavioral "quirks". Their sameness has made them strong, but it will eventually work against them - they can not think the way we do, but we must first learn how to suppress our own reactions to their ostracism.

This seems like a trite thing to say, but don't let them know that they've gotten to you. Pretend that their cliquishness goes un-noticed. Meanwhile, update your resume and start a job search. You deserve better.

This makes me sad because it's supposed to be a place where people are creative. Instead, I see a set of clicks who don't know how to accept new people. They were not even very nice to the teens, lol.

After the Northridge quake, several of us sailors volunteered to go help out. When we got there, we were handed stacks of forms, and told to pass them around. No one had pens, everyone needed water, food, medicine, and shelter. We were shouted at, spat upon, shoved, sworn and yelled at ...

When we went back to our "handlers", they were too busy swarming around a certain future governor in his Humvee to pay any attention to us. They had fresh food, cold water, air-conditioned shelters, tents, beer, wine, hors d'oeuvres, et cetera. Eventually, they told us that we were incompetent, and that the effort would go better without us. I walked 10 miles back to the train station, and returned to the base.

People do not like volunteers, who seemingly are there to (1) do the un-glamorous scut work, and (2) provide a social barrier between those in need and those who can help.

You deserve something better; I hope you can find it.

I've yet to find an animal volunteer group that was not overzealous and self righteous. I've come to the conclusion that most of these people lack people skills, which is probably why they like animals so much.

However, I've noticed you seem to run into negative complex social situations far more than many of the others here. I have to wonder, is that perhaps because you put yourself out there into more complex social situations than most people here would tend to, and thus have more opportunity for negative experiences, or could you possibly be acting in a way that causes people to respond negatively, or perhaps the situation is other than what you perceive it to be and they are not intending to be negative towards you?

For example, a person may not be warm and cheerful when they greet someone for various reasons. Perhaps you also felt put off because your reception wasn't how you imagined it should be if you were welcomed there, and took that to indicate you really weren't welcome, when you may have been.

yes i felt the same......
ur putting urself into such situations
be aware that ur a aspie and dont get into NTs territories
and even if u get there....then dont keep expectations..

I have decided to give these people one more try and keep quiet. I have lots of good experiences too but I usually write on here if I have bad ones because I can relate to a lot of the problems that most of you have had.

I don't do much volunteering because I do not like being treated like I am mentally ret*d...I guess a lot of ret*d people volunteer? maybe there are ogranizations or what ever that encourage people with disabilities to volunteer or something who knows


But yeah it seems like any time I try and get involved with something like that people act towards me how they would act towards a ret*d person and its really aggrevating...and it seems like it always happens even moreso in volunteer work then it does when i have a job. for some reason.

It could be a bit of a closed group. Someone I know volunteered for a task and he was told by a coordinator it would be better to choose a different task, because the volunteer group was really particular about it. Maybe it was a same kind of group.

Bingo any NT wont do volunteer work....they will do it only if they are paid for the same.
But we Aspie's because of our loneliness, retardation etc...end up taking any nonsense.

Even i am showing least interest in this volunteering things doesnt make sense to invest energy, time for free
and listen to some crap

Yep.

I've tried this engaging in conversations and it only made the situation more akward. And as it stands, I also have trouble in the lanuage department due to my disorder in the semantics of language. So if this post is worded strange, that's why. My only advice is not to expect much from people. People are far from perfect and to a great extent @$$holes. I usually keep it simple and try not to go for this challenge of being social on the level of most outgoing NTs. Just a friendly hi and goodbye. You might be doing the same thing I use to do which can confuse people. I set off signals that probably seem to be both irritating and cold at the same time. I'm not exactly sure what "it is" that sets them off. Based off my limited experiences, I've been able to connect with some people on certain level but these same people were also shy and also socially odd in some ways. There are good people you just have to be patient. Many groups who've been around for a while tend to be clicky so it takes time and some getting use to. But being a volunteer worker myself, I've noticed this as well. People either will use me for all I've got or completely ignore me or use the work itself as a form of competition. What's ironic I've had friendlier encounters by people who wanted me to do a job for a certain amount of money. Granted they would be complainers or whatnot but still much more friendly than the people I've volunteered with. You would think it'd be the other way around....


Anyway I'm glad you brought this up. I have the same problem and as it seems, we aspies aren't so different from each other after all.

I definitely don't have any experience or suggestions in this area. I just wanted to say that as a fellow animal lover, that sounds like it would be a really neat experience, if you didn't have to deal with so many people.

Indeed - the RSPCA, for instance, in England and Wales is now notorious for acting like a police force rather than an animal charity and chasing grieving relatives out of more money in wills they think they've been done out of. Nasty people.

A lot of these charities are run far more like businesses and lobbying organisations than real charities these days anyway, which is why more and more people refuse to donate to them. In many cases they cannot avoid donating to them because their money is given to them involuntarily through taxation.

Miyah, I have been in your shoes before. I volunteer my time for the community alot. It is not an unusual experience to be rebuffed or feel unfulfilled when you do this type of work.

For many people (myself included), volunteering is very much as social activity. I have made a number of friends through this medium, doing something for the good is a way to spend time with them. However, there are certain nuances that people with autism/AS may not notice. For example, a number of years ago I went to my church to assist with hanging Christmas decorations. My assistance was not welcome, mostly due to the fact that the same set of ladies had done this job for 30 years and had a system to doing it. Also, people that do volunteer (and have done it for awhile), do know which tasks are the easiest or the most high profile to do, hence leaving the more menial, demanding or filthy tasks to others. Lastly, many of the orgnizations are not well organized, hence giving tasks to people that don't want to do them, can't do them, or don't feel fulfilled by them.

Lastly, I learned a sad lesson about volunteering and socializing within the last month. I recently put in to be on a governmental board in my city. I thought that I had enough experience to be on this committee, was encouraged to apply, and lastly I am acquaintances with the mayor and city council in my community, the people that pick for this committee. I learned that I got picked over for someone else, still don't understand what I said or did wrong. I felt a little betrayed by these people, since I thought that my friendship with them would reap some benefits. I was extemely upset by this decision. One thing that has helped me with this disappointment was talking openly with a long time friend about this issue (he is a public official and helps picks for similar committees in his community in another state). He gave me some pointers to consider, and sent me a message today about looking at this issue differently. Maybe you could talk to a coordinator, clergy or trusted person in the community to assist you with this issue.