Why Did This Guy Just Stop Speaking to Me?

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magicbus
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07 Aug 2011, 8:50 am

Long story short, there was a guy (friend only, he's not my type) who took an interest in me a while ago. He wanted to hang out and he's pretty much the only person who asked me first. We went hiking and I thought he was pretty cool. We did it a couple of times and I thought that maybe he and I could be good friends.

However, he just stopped wanting to hang out with me. He stopped asking me, stopped texting me, and ignores me online. When I ask him if he'd like to go hang out with me sometime, he always brushes me off and tells me he's going somewhere with some other girl friend and doesn't seem to want to do anything with me.

It really hurts because he and one of my other friends managed to click. Now it seems like he wants to hang out with her all the time and not me too. It really hurts my feelings because he seemed like such a nice person and I thought we really clicked as friends. She doesn't think much of it, she just tells me he's really busy and that's why he's not responding.

I don't know...I really want to know why he stopped talking to me. But I'm afraid I'll look clingy if I ask him to hang out again. He really doesn't seem interested in me any more at all. Was it something I said or did? I wish I knew why; it hurts when somebody just stops having anything to do with you.


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PaleBlueDotty
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07 Aug 2011, 9:40 am

Sorry to hear you have been left hanging out to dry, not a nice feeling, :cry:.
Did you tell him openly that you were not interested in a romantic relationship?
From your post it does become clear that you were clear about your feelings for him towards yourself, but did you let him know?
If he is NT he could have been interested in a relationship with you but not 'just' a friendship. He might have felt he was stuck in the so called 'friend zone'?
If he is Aspie he might have lost his special interest in you and not know how to gently let you down.
Or another option could be that you said or did something that offended him and he just shuns you now instead of telling you what's gone wrong.
Have you tried to get to the bottom of things by asking him outright?



MollyTroubletail
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07 Aug 2011, 9:51 am

From the sound of it, I think it could be possible that he was looking for more than just a platonic friend in girls he met.

He may have the habit of first chasing after one girl, and when she doesn't want sex with him, he drops her to go chasing after the next girl he meets.

If your friend won't date him either, you might wind up with her being inexplicably dumped too, as he moves on to chase after someone else she introduced him to.

This is all just supposition since you didn't give full details, but it's a common thing to happen with new male/female friendships (or what you thought were friendships, but really weren't).

In any case, no matter what his reasons were, it is no use for you to continue to ask why, or to contact him ever again. He's not "busy", he just dumped you for someone else. Listen to sad songs, tell your friends, post it on WP, eat chocolate, write angry poetry about it.... whatever you need to cope with your feelings.... but don't contact him or ask about him anymore. It's over. He's a jerk.



raul693
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07 Aug 2011, 11:13 am

When you say "took an interest", do you mean romantically? Because if that's the case there is a chance he backed off due the fact that you weren't interested in him in the same way. If not then the whole thing becomes a bit weirder but I suggest you take Molly's advice.



magicbus
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07 Aug 2011, 3:47 pm

MollyTroubletail wrote:
From the sound of it, I think it could be possible that he was looking for more than just a platonic friend in girls he met.

He may have the habit of first chasing after one girl, and when she doesn't want sex with him, he drops her to go chasing after the next girl he meets.

If your friend won't date him either, you might wind up with her being inexplicably dumped too, as he moves on to chase after someone else she introduced him to.

This is all just supposition since you didn't give full details, but it's a common thing to happen with new male/female friendships (or what you thought were friendships, but really weren't).

In any case, no matter what his reasons were, it is no use for you to continue to ask why, or to contact him ever again. He's not "busy", he just dumped you for someone else. Listen to sad songs, tell your friends, post it on WP, eat chocolate, write angry poetry about it.... whatever you need to cope with your feelings.... but don't contact him or ask about him anymore. It's over. He's a jerk.


Actually, he's not a player at all. He's one of those more old-fashioned fellows, I always thought. I don't think he has an interest in my friend either as she has her heart set on someone else and I doubt she would ever date him. However, even though I know there is nothing romantic between them, they seem rather close and it really hurts my feelings because I feel left out and would like to be friends with both of them.

I don't think he ever liked me romantically, either. He just doesn't seem like the kind of boy to go for me, and I never had any feelings for him. I am just lonely and was hoping to make a new friend because he seemed like a nice kid. I still have no clue what happened but I guess there's no point in crying over him, maybe he just didn't find me that interesting or something. :(


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anneurysm
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07 Aug 2011, 9:28 pm

You can always take the more direct approach and ask him about it. Just phrase it along the lines of..."I noticed that you've begun ignoring my messages. Have I done something wrong?" You'll never know what's really going wrong untiul you ask him yourself.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.