Oh gods, someone help me.

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My family is over for my cousin's birthday. My cousin, who is sixteen, brought his girlfriend who I've never met. I've already made awkward attempts to talk to them but he doesn't help and while she at least tries to carry on a conversation I keep saying awkward things and fidgeting, like opening refrigerator doors repeatedly without looking inside and then muttering "oh, it's only beer." Oh, and I'm making semi-jokes that aren't funny and leave her looking at my cousin like "What am I supposed to do with this weirdo?"
I had to run away after this last one and and hide in my room claiming only that I'd "be right back."
Help me! What do I do?! Stranger danger D:

EDIT: My other cousin brought over her new boyfriend and his two sons. They resisted a handshake and that's the limit of my people skills. These people are going to be here for at least 8 hours.

i'd stay in my room... enjoying my own company and do a lot of reading...

that's the privilege we weird people have... we are expected to do weird things... no matter what.

Calm down is one. You're alone now, so that's good. Make sure you're relaxed before you go back.

My general approach to this kind of conversation is to just ask stuff. You haven't met her before. See her as a lemon you need to squeeze all the information out. Ask what she does or what her hobbies or whatever, then just ask about anything that you'd like to hear more about (if you wouldn't, just ask about any detail). As long as she's talking and you're asking questions, you'll be fine.

What i would suggets doing is maybe just tyring to relax and remember that shes not perfect, your cousins not perfect, and your not perfect, and its ok that you have problems with new people because we all have different weaknesses, Just go downstairs and try to be friendly, and try not to stress yourself out, Just be polite and have simple small talk conversations, and after a while of doing that youll begin to feel more at ease, ithats what i do when im around new people, bei polite and start with simple small talk conversations, maybe a simple, oh man its so hot out im sweating, anything like that to get a simple small talk conversation going, Just remember that, go ahead dwownstairs, and be with your family and the ones you love, and just remember no ones perfect, and if they have a problem with you its their own fault because im sure if they looked deep down inside of themselves theyd see no one is perfect, and you accept them for their imperfections and they should do the same for you no matter what

If there's a such place as hell, you're in it. If I were you, I'd go to my room and lock the door. I always prepare for the worst, that's why I keep some food in here.

I've learned how to make small talk with adults, but teenagers are unnerving. I'll stay in my room playing the guitar and maybe once every fifteen minutes going down to get something to eat and make smalltalk with whoever is around the table.

Yeah, you can do that.. do whatever you're comfortable with, find a common interest, whatever. But just like they're not coming to your room knocking on your door feeling they have to entertain you--you don't have to entertain them either.

I've done similar things, go in my room, go online, read a book, play a game, whatever. Just be hospitable for as long as they treat you well. You're not their babysitter.

Who cares if you're awkward or fidgeting? They've ignored that so far right? They only seem "unawkward" because you're making them feel welcome. Now if they're a jerk, thats different.

It's ok to just be around people and be quiet and attentive (listening to them talk). At least, I think so. Plus, you can learn something about how other people socialize. And don't worry, it will pass.

I was force marched out to socialize and "stop being ridiculous." I pretty much sat there with a book the whole time, but I managed a few conversations. I made my cousin's girlfriend laugh, for one, and found out that she thought I didn't like her because I'm so aloof.
Then I talked about music with a guy visiting from Georgia..I don't know who he is or why he's here or who he's with, but despite looking like a jerk he's nice and charismatic. I still had to escape after a few minutes so I could feed my tegu, but it was something.

Sounds like they thought you were an interesting guy.