Being an atheist is hard

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or one who lacks a belief or perspective of something divine. I feel like an outcast with the vast majority of people. I usually try and respect people of faith and never go into the kind of debates you see in the Religious forum. But in reality, I'm always honest with my opinions when asked of my perspectives and beliefs regarding religion. I've had many people take my opinions as if they were personal attacks and try to get into debates with me. For a long time I felt like I had to be dishonest and pretend that I believed in God. Eventually I tried to be honest but tried to be polite by saying "Yeah I believe in God, just not in the biblical sense. Now I'm sick and tired of having to pretend. I don't ever engage in rants or fights whenever someone preaches openly about their faith especially on FaceBook. I am however offended when I find something funny on a religious spectacle and blog it without saying much. I've even had people unfriend me because of it. I really don't understand where you draw the line when it comes to freedom of speech without offending someone.


Am I alone on this issue? I'm not sure if I'm wording this in the best way. It just seems like I'm very alienated. I'm also getting very sick and tired of these myths revolving around atheism as if it were a cult or a set up for a Stalin-like communism where society is not allowed to worship their own beliefs. As a atheist/agnostic that is not what I'm about. I simply lack the belief in a divine entity/ies. I respect and never try and debate with people of religious faiths but I'm sick and tired of people who debate me about it as if they were more righteous than myself. If friendship means I have to agree with the belief of god or being of a religious faith then that is where problems will arrise.

I am an atheist, too. I become an atheist at age 15 after my Christian period and a religious crisis where I took the Summer to rethink issues of religion. For me, emotionally, the fact that there are a bunch of conflicting religions is a slam dunk. None of them are true. It's just making up stuff on the fly.

Did not have an atheist friend in high school. That's kind of sad. Didn't have a whole lot of friends in general. Drifting away from a friend in boy scouts just because we were growing in different directions.

Yes, the myth that atheists are less moral. Actually, we're more moral because we don't have the authoritarian outlook, the "sinner's mentality," atheists are unrepresented in prisons, etc, etc. Most religions have versions of the golden rule. Both 'Kantianism' and 'utilitarianism' can be viewed as secular versions of the golden rule. (Let me actually amend this. There are highly moral religious persons, there are averagely moral religious persons, there are highly moral atheists, there are averagely moral atheists, etc, etc. The within-group differences are bigger than the average between-group differences.)

By the way, most of my 'think periods' don't work. Most of them I get bogged and I kind of lose the interplay between theory and practice. But this one kind of did work.

This is the one that really gets to me and a question that is often asked of me. "Where do you get your sense of morality?" "How do you know right from wrong if you don't believe in god?"

I actually have trouble with this since I could go on about morality. Most of the stuff I don't believe is immoral, a religious person will perceive as is (not all religious people btw). But I don't pertain this to my lack of belief but rather the reason behind why an action is believed to be a sin without a good logical reason to make it so. Anyway you get my drift and I see you know what I mean. I feel isolated and what's more hurtful is most of the social stuff that goes on among a religious community or organization. People make more friends that way than they do being errrr...atheist. I live in an area where atheism is tolerated but still frowned upon.

Over the years, I have joined three separate atheist groups. They have a lot of the same problems as peace groups, primarily that people have their ‘weird-ar’ on (similar to ‘gay-dar,’ built on the word radar, that people overly perceive ‘weird’ people and overly shy away from ‘weird’ people).

Yes, I am a creative, quirky, well-read, introspective, original, sometimes-fun, sometimes quiet person. Probably overserious. Sure. So sue me. Yes, I am ‘weird.’ Now, stuck in a boring sales job, I might be appreciated for that reason (I might not). As a classmate in chemistry, I might also be appreciated for that reason.

But in a peace group, it’s so high stakes. It’s viewed as “we already have enough problems.” A lot of people have recently gone through a growth period, which is why they’re peace activists in the first place, and now they’re rather going through a consolidation period. Plus, people have heard enough stories about informers and government lists to be a little worried and to shy away from anyone different.

And some of this is kind of the same in atheist/humanist/skeptics groups. So, I recommend realistic expectations with such groups.

That they're people, too. That other people count in and of themselves.

But that doesn't carry. It's like an entirely different mindset between the religious believer and the person who is humanist/atheist/agnostic.

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I guess we can get into

'If we're walking along and we see a child who is injuried, we're going to be acutely concerned and try and do something to help the child'

'Sometimes we watch a news story, and if it's not overhyped and we have the emotional energy as it were, we do care. We do want to do something to help.'

But I don't think these will "win" the argument. I don't know, maybe there's a way of taking the argument to the side.

Oh let me remember one thing I agree with a bigoted preacher on.

Oh yeah! "People get mad and ugly when they hear the trueth." Funny place for that to come from, with his anti-gay and anti-evolution ideals. I also think the need to offend outside of defense is stupid. It's when some person can't back himself up, and resorts to blameing, trolling, and telling someone how terrible they are, then turn *180 and pat their ego.

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 27 May 2011, 12:07 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Morality has nothing to do with religion, and I get annoyed when people confuse the two things. All social animals practice morality and altruism in some form or another and last I heard, they are not religious. Morality is needed to function and survive as a group. Humans want a reason to be good human beings; what they don't realize is that religion is an unnecessary explanation when the evolutionary benefit is so obvious.

Quite frankly, if religion is your only motivation to be a good person, then you got some big issues. I also know alot of self-righteous religious types that are terrible human beings.

You are right. It is a difference between worldviews. I am not an atheist, but I do understand why people become / are atheists. Whatever someone's religion, he or she usually hates that religion being attacked, put down, or made fun of. Religion, whether it is based on the existence or absence of god(s), is simply a set of beliefs that explains where we come from and where we are going. Hence, I consider Christianity, Islam, Evolutionism, Shinto, Buddhism, etc. religions since they each attempt to answer the questions of where we come from and where we are going.

If is usually best to avoid discussions of religion or politics due to the fact that most people dislike their religion and or political beliefs being questioned or made fun of. Very few people can actually sit down and discuss their belief system with another person of a different belief system without one or more parties becoming offended. If I post a funny picture, quote, etc of another belief system, I tend to make it available to only people of my belief system or similar. I suggest that others do the same.

For those who believe a certain thing, no proof is necessary, for those who disbelieve a certain thing, no proof is acceptable.

Last edited by cyberscan on 27 May 2011, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am just coming to realize there are many more atheists than I thought. One day you'll be in a conversation with someone who you assumed was religious, and it pops out, "naw, I'm actually an Atheist." A lot of people are, and you might not know it.

And people who can't accept a difference of faith NEVER make good friends in the long run anyway (whatever their stance on God)

It can be very lonely to be an atheist in the bible belt. I live in central Kansas, and it's not really tolerated. Since my husband and I came out of the atheism closet, so to speak, there have been people that have not spoken to us since. I'm talking about family and old friends. One of the reasons why I quit Facebook was due to the hypocrisy that was abundant to where everyone else could post about Jesus (and whatever other religious things) and I would never dream of posting anything negative on their thread about their beliefs on their wall, but they could not offer the same respect for my atheism posts on my own wall.

We have found a couple of groups of freethinkers nearby. We will be attending one for the first time this weekend. It's extraordinarily difficult for me to meet new people and attend new events period, but I am gonna put my anxiety aside and give it a try.

Ever read "Watership Down" by Richard Adams?

In all seriousness, I think religion is an integral part of human intelligence. Do not get me wrong, I do not say that being religious is, only religion. By that, I mean that with intelligence and the ability to abstract thinking comes the need to find explanations for phenomena that are beyond comprehension. It is impossible - at least for me - to imagine how it feels like to be dead. So, I have to come up with something that fills this gap.
I think that it is extremely important to think about your own spirituality. Even choosing to believe in nothing is a choice to believe something... that is nothing. And like I already said: If people think that their religion is more important than friendship, respect and love for their fellow human beings, they are hypocritical bigots.

I'm very sorry you feel that way, but I can understand how this can happen.

I'm a Christian and do enjoy PPR discussions here--mainly because I feel I have a lot to learn and can benefit from the views of people who believe/disbelieve differently than I do.

The main thing I wanted to respond to was your issues with offending people: The best thing you can do is just stop worrying about it. There is a quasi-liberal attitude that says you can say what you want (freedom of speech) as long as you don't offend anyone. The way this has actually played out culturally and societally is that it's ok to say what you want as long as you aren't a Christian. I think what YOU are actually experiencing is what it's like when you take the free speech vs. offensive speech to it's most equitable end: feel free to say what you want but not offend ANYONE.

Quite simply, if you take this route, you are fighting a losing battle. If you have Christian/theist friends and you express anti-theist or atheist attitudes, you're going to offend your Christian/theist friends. I mean, it SHOULDN'T be that way--that is, Christians shouldn't get offended so quickly by it. But we aren't exactly taught to be deep thinkers when it comes to our religion and mistaking attacks on our beliefs as personal attacks is just too easy. Much of our perspective is shaped by personal experience and we're too accepting of the doctrines we're raised in. It's easier to jump to conclusions and get into mindless debates that the other person doesn't really want to get into nor are we really prepared for ourselves.

If you are "unfriended," or if you quietly and respectfully tell someone that you are an atheist and care to discuss it no further and you lose that person as a friend because that person is "offended," was that person REALLY a friend to begin with? I would think a friend would respect your wishes.

As to debates--a natural part of conversation in general is responding to what is said. If you are adamant about your beliefs and you honestly express those beliefs, why is it so unnatural to expect a counter-argument? Some people just want to get the last word, so if you've said what you need to say, what does it matter if someone wants to just keep going? Silence does not equal agreement--just an indication of your unwillingness to continue the conversation in a given direction. Speaking as a Christian, I find it un-Christlike to harass someone you call a friend when they've made their intentions clear. Personally, "I don't want to talk about that" goes a long way with me.

You can be my friend any time!

Actually, they have done some interesting studies recently that suggests that belief in religion/supernatural thinking ect... involves a certain amount of evolved Theory Of Mind. If you google it several examples come up.

Most people in the UK are now atheists/agnostics.



I do too, but not because I am an atheist.



You can respect someone's right to hold an opinion without respecting the opinion, or indeed even the person.

If I said women should be beaten regularly for their own good, would you respect that opinion?



Ignore them. Your religion is your own affair, much as is your politics.



To be fair, Christians do get it in the neck in the UK so I can see where they're coming from with that. Have you ever sent them some Pat Condell videos? He's a very strident atheist but no-one could accuse him of being a communist.

Lord Acton again.

I have no problems being an atheist and it doesn't effect me. What bugs me about it is when people trash talk them and act like they are bad people.