If you want to make friends...

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Ok what would you have someone do if they wanted to make friends with you?

I think I'm onto something here I was reading someone's post somewhere on another board and they said "if you want to make friends with me, talk about cool things, your passions. Things you know we can both can laugh about. And AFTER I get a deeper understanding of the way you work we can talk about deeper topics."

This seems like the way to figure out how to make friends is by asking people WHAT someone should do to make make friends with THEM, if you ask enough people you could build a repetoire of or a "map" of how to befriend people is my guess.

So in order to answer: "if you want to make friends with me then..." finish this sentence. Try to be specific as possible.

I have one threeD friend and thats all I want except for "internet" friends that I can occassionaly talk to,get and give support to and learn things from.So for me it is more of a question of how did he become my friend....


He likes thrift stores,is really nice to me and other people,though can be self-centered but not in a manipulative way in a nieve way(doesnt realize he is being selfish)He is a well of information I find interesting;history,politics,music,books...Most importantly...he doesnt try and change me and seems to except me for better and worse,he likes the way my mind works and respects my need for personal time and space...thats a real friend to me.

Be yourself, whatever it is.


You'll probably scare off 90% of the people you meet right away (I sure know that I do!), but from the remaining 10% you'll probably find a few good friends.

They'll all find out what you're really like sooner or later, so you might as well skip the superficial "I'm a cool guy, why don't you like me" stuff and let people know exactly who you are.

Note: this is not the same as total information disclosure... that occurs when you deem it appropriate. Just don't follow any meaningless "normal person" script you may have in mind. Let them see the real you from the first day.

And for god's sake, skip the whole "initiation" BS. That's another meaningless NT construct that you really shouldn't waste your time with. I sure as hell wouldn't waste my time with someone who wanted to put me through some sort of initiation first.

To make friends with me you generally have to take the initiative. You have to keep the conversation going. You also have to find awkward silences not so awkward. You must not talk too much. You must not need to have to air filled with sound. You must find me interesting on a non-verbal level. You must be willing to watch to learn more instead of asking a bunch of questions, except on this site, of course. You must be comfortable with ambiguity and not need to have everything spelled out and clearly understood. We live in a quantum universe, where everything is true until it's not. You must accept me.

That's not much to ask, is it?

Generally, I'll talk with anyone who 's friendly and polite. If I have nothing in common with the other person, they're unlikely to become anything more than an acquaintance. If I do have something in common, they may well become friends.

In the past I've made friends through work and ante-natal classes, probably because we all had common interests, so conversation was fairly easy.

However, I've never thought to myself, this person must be really cool/interesting/whatever in order to be my friend, that sounds a bit too particular.

Hum.... I'd say just spend time with me and be nice.

That makes me sound sort of like an old laddy in a nursing home dosen't it?

If I want to make friends, I strike up a conversation about their favourite things, which is themselves and their lives. I keep my Obsessions to myself, untill I've spoken with a person, at least ten times. After that, I allow every tenth conversation that I have with each individual person revolve around my Passion/Obsession, which is of course, London's Symbol. Than again, I'm talking about the Real World and not about this Community. When I'm here, at WP I allow myself to talk about whatever I want, whenever I want.

I can't even make internet friends.

The only way I ever get friends with people online is... nevermind. But if you are an online friend of mine, you should have some idea about what brought us together.

And I suck at making friends in real life.

I would ask them some interesting questions and then hope that they understand me.

If you want to be friends with me...

Talk about something that you are interested in. It doesn't have to be my primary interest (music), it's the fact that you are interested in learning that makes me like you. If you like music, though, that is 10 million points in your favour.

Don't be malicious. I hate it when people are out to hurt people for no good reason.

Be honest. It is a sign of respect.

Give me my space.

Make me laugh.

If you want to be friends with me...

spend time with me/act friendly

and don't anger me/invade my personal space etc

I really don't have big requirements for friendship, which might lead into the question of whether I have friends vs acquaintances but I choose not to deal with that.