Seemingly pointless conversation/greetings...

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reh-nine
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15 Mar 2006, 5:02 pm

When someone comes up to me and says "hello", I'm often inclined to ignore them.

Some people have told me that this is rude, and I'm meant to respond, but I can't grasp the need for this at all. I mean, it's obvious that the person is in the room, so why must they be acknowledged unless you are going to ask them something specific?

Greeting a person, only to see them walk away to greet someone else without initiating a purposeful conversation with the original greetee, is incredibly illogical.

People, for the most part, are incredibly illogical, especially where conversation is concerned. I wish some people had an "off" function, or at least an external volume control. I just sound pretentious if I tell them to be quiet if they have nothing meaningful to contribute, when that's not a characteristic I consider myself to have at all.

I digress.

Do any other people tend to ignore 'friendly' greetings, etc.?



oddsteph
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15 Mar 2006, 5:11 pm

Yeah, I do that a lot. Eventually they stop talking to me completely. It's a great way to make sure no one wants to be friends with you but I'm finding it a very difficult habit to break.

I guess the reason people say hello to you in the first place is to tell you that they are there so that if you have something to say to them you will know that you can say it. Then again I could be completely wrong, I've never understood people.



Fiz
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15 Mar 2006, 5:21 pm

Hmmm I dont generally make the first move to say hello to people that I dont want to say hello to, but if someone comes up to me and says hello, I don't ignore them and respond back with hello. However, if I have nothing to say to them I do not attempt to try a conversation with them as I have made this kind of effort in the past and its pointless. Why talk to someone when you dont want to?



hale_bopp
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15 Mar 2006, 5:50 pm

I always talk back but inside feel that the conversation is pointless, because it often stops after "how are you" anyway.



Silver_Shadow
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15 Mar 2006, 6:26 pm

I get this as well. Generaly people say "Hi" or "Ya'Right" as a greeting, i simply respond with and adecuate response, such as "Hi".
Ocasionaly people try to start "small talk" with me and give me open ended questions, i always respond politely but with a one word responce. I find it works best for me if i stay away from things i don't understand or just simply do not see the point of.



Emettman
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15 Mar 2006, 6:32 pm

reh-nine wrote:
When someone comes up to me and says "hello", I'm often inclined to ignore them.
Some people have told me that this is rude, and I'm meant to respond, but I can't grasp the need for this at all.
Do any other people tend to ignore 'friendly' greetings, etc.?


Have you considered the pre-emptive Klingon:
"NuqneH" = "What do you want?", "State your business."

The revelation comes when you realise social conventions don't have to make sense. They just represent the rules of an arbritary game. People who think playing the game is important will mark you down for not following "The rules". It is worth noting that in most places that covers the majority of the populace.

"How are you" "fine" is also a convention, a "Hailing frequencies open"sort of moment.
For convenience or courtesy the conventions may be observed. Occasionally it may serve to wake people up if the convention is deliberately subverted, but it's best not to do that by accident. The poor conventional creatures can't handle it.
My doctor reports that a fair proportion of people reply to HIS question of "How are you?" with "Fine", even though he wants to know, and they're there because they aren't.



tracylynn
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16 Mar 2006, 2:49 pm

Greetings are about making a connection with someone ... saying hello, inquiring about their wellbeing. It can be as simple as an acknowledgement of your existence, or a proclamation of interest in talking with you. Small talk and greetings are often used as clues to gauge mood, attitude, temperament and physical/emotional wellbeing of the person you're talking to, and to determine where the conversation might be headed.



tracylynn
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16 Mar 2006, 2:52 pm

What might seem inane or stupid or pointless to you (say, if you're interested in only factual exchange about a particular interest) is actually an important social barometer that is in constant and unwitting use by NTs.



agent79
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16 Mar 2006, 6:02 pm

I understand your desire not to respond to the inane questioning of you NT peers (and maybe a few auties and aspies as well); however, you will have to give a grunt or raise an eyebrow to people on occasion to stay out of the madhouse. If you don't want to talk, then you can use NONverbal greetings---the raised eyebrow, the chin lift (about 25 degrees lift), the finger point (using a pistol shape is acceptable in some places), the "nod" of your whole head, the dropping of shoulders (indicates depression around that person), or the extended middle finger (for those you really dislike OR a sarcastic warm greeting). You do not have to smile or grimace for these to work.
When someone asks how you are you can: shrug your shoulders, hold your hand out flat and level and give it a small shake (for so-so), roll your eyes (if you know they don't care), smile (mysterious but happy), or you can just say fine.
Of course, I don't have many friends...This is probably why. :D



TheLynn
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16 Mar 2006, 8:28 pm

I totally have sympathy for this problem. I have memorized appropriate responses that I will just churn out, but I always feel uncomfortable.

Earlyer today the Orkin man (pest controll) came by to spray. It was a totall stranger walking around my house so I was already uncompfortable, and then he kept trying to make conversation untill I finally picked up my book and unpaused my show I had on TIVO. I think that got my point across. :wink:



dexkaden
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17 Mar 2006, 1:45 am

I used to ignore greetings because a lot of times, even if I was the only one in the room at the time, the person talking to me wouldn't address me by name and I just figured he was talking to himself--I do it enough not to care if other people talk to themselves. However, since starting my current job, I've actually had to start "playing along," and it's been a great help...sort of.

But one thing that still irritates me is this: I dislike the phrase, "what's up?" I dislike it because it really doesn't make sense as the right answer (the ceiling, the sky, etc.) is not what people are looking for. So...I adapted and now use that as a standard greeting. I ask "what's up" while ing my chin up, like they do in the movies. It works out fine, but there is this ONE LADY AT WORK that always switches the answer around because she likes how confused I get. One day she'll say "nothing, what's up with you," and another day she'll go, "the ceiling." I CAN'T STAND THAT! It always throws me off! Why can't things mean the same thing ALL the time?! :) :roll:


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17 Mar 2006, 3:16 pm

I never ignore a greeting and I always try my best to respond. It's a good sign of acknowledgement that shows firstly that they are firendly and that they want to show you that they see you and that you are there. It frightens me when I say hello and then they say "What's up?" or "how are you?" without saying Hello themself back. It sort of shows a quickened pace they are trying to achieve.


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boothinator
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18 Mar 2006, 1:24 am

I've basically reasoned that the reason for smalltalk and polite greeting is derived from human evolution as a social creature. If nature didn't encourage it by making people happy when talking to other people about anything, then people wouldn't talk very much and wouldn't be interested enough in each other to reproduce. Sure, it can get really boring, but I've just recently had a thought that most human conversation is just about coming up with more options for the conversation to go. I noticed recently that artists like to make stuff that increases the number of ways for someone to think and make derivative works from. Communication is communication, so if you are talking with someone, each sentance is a creative work, and if yours increases the number of works that can be derived from it, then you are adding to the conversation and are helping to continue it. This makes people feel happy and you can use the rule of "you never know when you need that piece of information" to keep yourself interested. I'm still working on this theory, but it seems right. But other people don't like to think about heavy subjects very much (my favorite), especially if they are stressed or not ready for it.

As some background, when I was younger I used to think that wouldn't it be nice if everyone just stopped talking about meaningless stuff and focused on something important like figuring out the universe. As a result I always like to listen to older people tell me about what they did and what they learned about life. But I thought of other people and how they have their own ideas of what is really important and that I have to adapt to society if I want to be able to move in it. I'm still not good at figuring out what to say in a conversation and am more inclined to listen, but I'm getting better.



tracylynn
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18 Mar 2006, 5:42 pm

boothinator wrote:
but I've just recently had a thought that most human conversation is just about coming up with more options for the conversation to go. I noticed recently that artists like to make stuff that increases the number of ways for someone to think and make derivative works from. Communication is communication, so if you are talking with someone, each sentance is a creative work, and if yours increases the number of works that can be derived from it, then you are adding to the conversation and are helping to continue it. better.



bingo! I think alot of conversation happens just for the enjoyment of it, not an exchange of information ... hearing another person's thoughts, and letting it wander where it may. You never know what might come up next, so it's entertaining.



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19 Mar 2006, 2:43 am

When someone says "hello" to me, I usually want to respond, but sometimes I cannot. Sometimes, it comes out as an inaudible whisper or I say nothing. Occasionally, it is audible. For me, it is this way with many expressions of courtesy.

It is also more difficult to respond to greetings from groups of people. "What's up?" and "How are you doing?" are also more difficult.



Spriteling
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19 Mar 2006, 9:35 am

I usually respond to that type of greeting although I too find it to be redundant and illogical. Usually after the hello, someone will ask "How are you doing?", but will walk away too quickly to hear the answer. I find myself easily irritated by this kind of conversation, but I hate being rude, so I always respond.