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They want more friends, yet sh*t on the ones they have

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CaptainTrips222
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17 Aug 2011, 6:29 pm

Have you ever met someone like that? You know, they complain about not having many friends, but when anyone tries to be their friend, they degrade them or just treat them bad in general? I've seen this too many times in my life: the very people they rely on to hang out, they treat badly. Seriously, makes you wonder.



Mindslave
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17 Aug 2011, 6:35 pm

It doesn't surprise me at all. On one hand they actually do want more friends, but on the other hand they've made isolation such a part of their identity that they will sabotage any potential friendships for the sake of familiarity. If they got more friends, how could the complain about not having them? The lesson here is to not get invested in your own misery.



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17 Aug 2011, 6:35 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Have you ever met someone like that? You know, they complain about not having many friends, but when anyone tries to be their friend, they degrade them or just treat them bad in general? I've seen this too many times in my life: the very people they rely on to hang out, they treat badly. Seriously, makes you wonder.


I think i lived a similar situation already



Ambiguity
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17 Aug 2011, 6:42 pm

I'm kind of one of these people. I want (more) friends but I find people exhausting. I don't complain about it though because I know I'm the in error.



CaptainTrips222
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17 Aug 2011, 7:05 pm

Ambiguity wrote:
I'm kind of one of these people. I want (more) friends but I find people exhausting. I don't complain about it though because I know I'm the in error.


Then you're not self deluded. At least you have that going for you!



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17 Aug 2011, 11:14 pm

I sometimes feel that if a friendship/acquaintanceship is not that great to start with, or I think that it will inevitably end up ruined (I do feel like a lot of things are somehow inevitable), then I naturally 'experiment' with that person. Like benchmark testing, I'd test the friendship... and possibly end up going insane with that. I do admit I have personal problems, but I'm usually really confused about all the myriad options. So many variables that I just can't be certain at anything, and I feel that before I perfect the art of making friends I'll end up dead. :(



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18 Aug 2011, 6:42 pm

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Last edited by smudge on 25 Aug 2011, 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

Anamnesis
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18 Aug 2011, 7:06 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Have you ever met someone like that? You know, they complain about not having many friends, but when anyone tries to be their friend, they degrade them or just treat them bad in general? I've seen this too many times in my life: the very people they rely on to hang out, they treat badly. Seriously, makes you wonder.


Another way you could've put it is "they take friends for granted". I've known two people like that - both of which I'd prefer to avoid seeing again. I usually am a very open person in terms of who I get on with (heck, I get on pretty well with some of the people who made my childhood hell at school), however, those two, constantly moaning about how much their life sucked (hint: it didn't), constantly attention-seeking... But also constantly stabbing their friends in the back at the first opportunity to gather more friends.



ValentineWiggin
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18 Aug 2011, 10:11 pm

I want friends, but am unsure how to get them. :(


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CaptainTrips222
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19 Aug 2011, 8:20 am

Anamnesis wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Have you ever met someone like that? You know, they complain about not having many friends, but when anyone tries to be their friend, they degrade them or just treat them bad in general? I've seen this too many times in my life: the very people they rely on to hang out, they treat badly. Seriously, makes you wonder.


Another way you could've put it is "they take friends for granted"


Yeah, definitely, that's it too. At least in some cases. Like, in one case, I'd been friends with this one dude for 9 years, and he'd just argue all the time and be a real jerk. That was his personality, but he didn't like it done to him. I think he thought no matter how rude he got with me, it would always blow over with enough time. Uhhhh, nope. I just stopped returning his calls for good.

But even then, you'd think with people like that, they'd catch on that people won't put up with their crap forever. They don't seem to ever learn their lesson. It's like they're starving, but when they come across a plate of food they just play with it.



KWifler
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19 Aug 2011, 2:34 pm

Do they like whips and fuzzy handcuffs and tying people to the bed?
Maybe they're just sadists and need a masochist to play with.

Just saying...



Cyberduke
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20 Aug 2011, 7:16 pm

Ambiguity wrote:
I'm kind of one of these people. I want (more) friends but I find people exhausting. I don't complain about it though because I know I'm the in error.


(in my case you can scrap the 'more' bit)
Second time In 5 minutes I have found myself thinking why didn't I come to this site sooner...
Ok I better stop positing just to tell people how happy I am about fining this site and finding other people that think like me.



StylishBlossom
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23 Aug 2011, 4:43 pm

Thats simliar to my situation. I want to make new friends throughout my life, but when i do get them, Ive either gotton so used to hanging out on my own, I never think to make an effort to do stuff with them, and when i do, i get nervous and paranoid, thinking "Are they having fun with me or are they getting bored coz im so quiet?" so u cna imagine i dont get invited out a lot. I do sometimes, but not a lot.

And other times I tend to get suspiscious, thinking that do they really want to hang out with me, or are they just using me, or are they using me for thier own entertainment (like teasing me in front of people)?

So i think they reason is that Aspies just have a lack of trust when it comes to some friendships becasue of maybe bullying or something, so they dont know wat to do in a friendship situation and to whether trust the person or not, if that makes any sense.

I wish I didnt have this way of thinking, becasue it ruins a lot of my friendships and i hate it, its a surprise that any of my lovely mates (who would have gone through a hell of an effort to include me) still put up with me at all. I would actually totally understand tbh, if they just told me to piss off. :( :( :(



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23 Aug 2011, 5:13 pm

smudge wrote:
Mootoo wrote:
I sometimes feel that if a friendship/acquaintanceship is not that great to start with, or I think that it will inevitably end up ruined (I do feel like a lot of things are somehow inevitable), then I naturally 'experiment' with that person. Like benchmark testing, I'd test the friendship... and possibly end up going insane with that. I do admit I have personal problems, but I'm usually really confused about all the myriad options. So many variables that I just can't be certain at anything, and I feel that before I perfect the art of making friends I'll end up dead. :(


I had a friend do that to me. She was a high functioning girl with AS and was really cool. When she kept testing me by continually asking, "Why are you my friend? Nobody else wants to be friends with me." I just couldn't cope. I ended up walking away because it was like she was challenging me to see when I'd leave her. It's not a nice experience. It's like they're trying to shame you. I really don't think it's a good idea.


oi!! ! I did this to my hubby! I didn't mean to. :( I feel bad about it, but meh, can't change the past. And he's still here and really nice to me. :) so I'm good and don't feel the need to do that with anyone ever again. :)



oddtism
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24 Aug 2011, 1:27 am

StylishBlossom wrote:
Thats simliar to my situation. I want to make new friends throughout my life, but when i do get them, Ive either gotton so used to hanging out on my own, I never think to make an effort to do stuff with them, and when i do, i get nervous and paranoid, thinking "Are they having fun with me or are they getting bored coz im so quiet?" so u cna imagine i dont get invited out a lot. I do sometimes, but not a lot.

And other times I tend to get suspiscious, thinking that do they really want to hang out with me, or are they just using me, or are they using me for thier own entertainment (like teasing me in front of people)?

So i think they reason is that Aspies just have a lack of trust when it comes to some friendships becasue of maybe bullying or something, so they dont know wat to do in a friendship situation and to whether trust the person or not, if that makes any sense.

I wish I didnt have this way of thinking, becasue it ruins a lot of my friendships and i hate it, its a surprise that any of my lovely mates (who would have gone through a hell of an effort to include me) still put up with me at all. I would actually totally understand tbh, if they just told me to piss off. :( :( :(

I like this post. It has a certain familiarity about it.



KWifler
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28 Aug 2011, 3:26 am

It's easy to be this way. You make a friend, you wait a while, then you stir the pot. If the person sticks with you, then they are probably co-dependent. Is that the right term? They can't really live their normal lives without you being somewhere in the picture. Just make sure to cheer them up from time to time, or they will awaken from their fuzzy coma and leave you.

My dad is this way. He frequently tells me that when he dies, I will also die. I also criticize him frequently because I have to live around him against my will, he may as well act exactly how I want him to act. I keep telling myself that I will meet the right person and get away from here where nobody cares about me, but that will probably never happen. I am his only friend so he has to treat me right.

Life is hard for people like us.