Social Tip: Be Brief

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This is something that I as an Aspie have improved on, and still am working to improve on further.

The problem that many Aspies have is that they are not brief. They talk in long-winded sermons, as if they were writing an e-mail or a post on a forum. That can strike many people as odd, weird, boring, or annoying.

Essentially, one should speak concisely as possible, even if using less words means to sacrifice a little accuracy in description for optimality. Of course, the more words you use, the more clear what your saying is, but quickly, there is a point of diminishing gains.

One reason why a person might do that is fear of the other person misunderstanding them, but in that case, if there is a misunderstanding, you can clear it up after. But if you try to elongate everything you say to prepare for contingencies that probably won't even happen, then that could result in bad consequences.

You could come across as pretentious or professorial or someone who talks too much and doesn't give the other person and opportunity to speak.

I believe that it's better to let the person ask questions and then you answer them, before you speak into detail and try to eliminate preemptively as many questions as possible. In fact, having the other person ask questions is a good thing, it lets them tailor the subject to a specific point of their interest.

Many Aspies are guilty of going on and on about a topic they are interested in, while unknowingly blind to the fact that the other person does not care. A good way to deal with that is to be brief. If you start on a topic, and the other person doesn't ask questions or respond after your brief opening on a topic, end it there. They are not interested. If they were really interested, you would hear something along the lines of "tell me more" or "did you feel ____ when that happened?" or something along those lines. Maybe they may be interested, but only talking about the topic for a short period of time. So when they stop responding, to what you say, thats a good indication of when to change topics.

Also, the more you say, the less weight is assigned to each word. The important things you say get mixed in with the least important things you say, and might be forgotten. Whereas, if you talk less, each word has a powerful weight to it, and it is easy to remember a concise sentence rather than a paragraph.

I do not think there is any concrete set in stone rules, but the maximum I usually would speak at a time, is one to three sentences. Of course there are plenty of exceptions, such as if the person indicates to you that they want you to elaborate or that they want you to describe a situation entirely.

Your thoughts?

A general rule for stand up routines is 90 seconds. 90 seconds to explain what's going on and why people should laugh. If you don't understand why this is, get a tape recorder and talk about stuff you care about, rant and rave to yourself, and then play it back days later and pay attention to the part where you stop listening. Depending on the topic, you might still be interested 3 minutes in and going strong, but then again, not everyone is interested in the same things. Since everyone has different interests, 90 seconds is the rule, much like how phone numbers are 10 digits because 11 makes you forget. It's like when the 1 area code comes up on your cell phone "Wait who the hell is this??" Oh it's Dave! I knew that.

Yes, first impressions are very important. Be straight to the point.

I have that weird need to fully disclose on details even if they have no real bearing on what I'm saying. For instance if I say something about my stepbrother, I feel the need to clarify that our parents married when we were in our 30's and we weren't raised together. I have learned to self edit, however.

I just go straight for the throat here and not say anything