A naive aspie girl - how do I tell her?

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She's incredibly naive and way too trusting of other people. She makes friends with the creeps at the social groups (the needy ones who won't leave you alone, and talk of past dead relatives, suicide and other inappropriate things far too soon) and went to this guy's place who she had only just met.

She also dated an a***hole, and I finally managed to talk into her how the relationship was unfair, and she got it. I've been trying to tell her how dangerous it is to trust people so easily, and none of it is getting through. A lot of things I say don't get through.

My question is, is there a film that's all about how a girl goes with a stranger and he harms her in some way? I don't know how else to teach this girl that she needs to be aware. I'll tell her something and she'll say, "Yeah, and Justin did this..." which is irrelevant to my point. She tends to get a bit obsessive with men, and has that aspie side of her that makes her not stop talking about it.

Note that I don't nag her, I say possibly this much about how trusting she is at the most, and only sometimes when I see her.

I just get worried that one day she'll be raped or something - she gets herself into awkward situations and I sometimes think it's just a matter of time.

I always took that as part of the subtext of Red Dragon. The blind girl naively bestowing compassion on a character that we as the audience know is unworthy and in fact disturbed and dangerous. I'm a little partial to the first film version of the story, Manhunter, just because Bill Petersen was so good in it (not that Ed Norton wasn't).

That said, there's no future in being a White Knight. First, her decisions are not your business and second, meddlers generally have their own agenda more at heart than that of the damsel they claim to be protecting. Thirdly, nobody likes being told how they should live their life, so unless you want to be resented and rejected, butt out.

Last edited by Willard on 10 Sep 2011, 6:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

What makes you think she's an Aspie, and not simply lonely or mentally challenged in some way? Are you legally responsible for her welfare? Is it possible that you could be interested in her for other reasons?

Unless you are a trained mental-health professional, her parent or legal guardian (or possibly a relative), or you intend to follow through with your concern by dedicating your life to her, I suggest that you leave her welfare to those who have a familial, legal, or medical obligation to do so.

Otherwise, you could create more problems for her ... and for yourself, as well.

There's something about me that attracts needy people and manipulative users. I wish I knew what it was. My mother admonishes me for having these psychic vampires in my life but I think most people don't have to deal with it so it's easy to give advice from the sidelines. My point being the naive aspie girl you speak of OP may not know how to extricate herself from people like that without creating conflict and feeling like a jerk. I certainly don't. My present psychic vampire is an honest person who is struggling with ptsd from childhood abuse, diagnosed bipolar disorder and is quite possibly on the spectrum. She utterly exhausts me (plus she's boooooring) but I'm not inclined to kick someone when they're down. Like Nicholas Cage said in Bringing Out The Dead-I'm a grief mop.

That's BS. If someone's in danger and you care about them at all you have to try. You could end up creating more problems for yourself but if it stops them getting hurt by some strange man it just might be worth it.

That said the solution may not be easy or quick. It may require a significant investment of your time and energy.

It may be a good idea to work together with the person's parents to solve the problem, or then again it may not.

I don't think "let someone else do it" is going to cut it, fnord.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't really know Fnord but I do know Willard and he is a good guy. I think they may have assumed your gender from your avatar. The assumption too, it seems is this is about romantic situations only. No one responded to my comment. I'd like to know about how to deal with psychic vampire when romance is not part of the scenario. Didn't you also say she was approached by creeps in general? I don't think it's necessarily helpful just to tell her she shouldn't let these people in. She may not know how to repel them.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I didn't mean to say your friend was a psychic vampire but that she was a victim of them. Mine I don't hang around but she doesn't drive because of a panic disorder and so I help by getting her to the store etc. I could deal with her better if she wasn't a constant talker and I am not exaggerating, she cannot go 10 seconds without running her mouth, whenever I try to say something she tries to finish my sentences for me which is particularly irritating because she's always wrong about what she thinks I'm going to say. I'm honest with her that her constant talking drains me and that I don't like to small talk on the phone but it doesn't do any good. The thing is I genuinely feel sorry for her. She is presently in the psych ward for observation. She is not the first person like this I've had in my life. The last one I finally told I couldn't deal with her issues anymore and she is now dead because she stopped taking her meds for Addison's disease. By that I mean I think I was her last friend and she gave up when I rejected her. She was abusive to me when I challenged her on her paranoid thoughts she then decided I was part of the conspiracy.
But the point is I am not a qualified therapist and I'm tired of people using me as a free one.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've had a think about some movies that sort of preach the 'stranger danger' message but all that comes to mind are like serial killer/sociopath/rapist films, and nobody really takes those seriously anyway.

Maybe try watching the news? Plenty of crazy stories. Short of that, do a google search or something for films focusing around domestic violence or something.

To be honest I think most people are exposed to the realities of the world... I think your friend probably knows on an intellectual level that people can hurt you if you're not careful. If the problem is actually identifying potential danger she's probably going to have to make an active effort to evaluate every situation. For that you'd probably need to convince her that she's naive. She may not like to hear it.

@aimless: I feel the same way sometimes. People tell me I should just let people deal with their own problems. I don't usually feel comfortable doing that.


PS: I didn't realise you were a girl either smudge. It's that damn avatar!


(sorry)

She needs to come to the realization on her own.

I know that you don't want her to get hurt or anything but you can just suddenly bring about a sudden change in somebody's way of thinking or behavior.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There's only so much you can 'advise' people on. If they don't seem interested in what you have to say or don't seem to listen, just leave them to get on with their lives.

(But when it all goes tits-up don't go over and say "told you so".)

This is how I am, and honestly - if she is like me, I don't think you'll be able to teach her. I have gone through hell because not only can't I spot creepy people, but if I allow people time to explain their actions, I will believe them.
See, I know this intellectually, but it has no emotional resonance for me. It took me years to even realize it was a problem. If you think it would help your friend, I can write up a few paragraphs as if I were trying to teach myself in the past - it'll probably take a couple of days though.

If she's like me, she's lucky if she's gotten as far as she has without trouble like that.