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minervx
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11 Sep 2011, 12:45 pm

Aspies can often have problems socializing with one person. Perhaps unintentionally focusing on their interest so much that they neglect the interest of the other person.

But in a group conversation, one may be focusing on a person, and intend to say or something that they think would be in their interest, even though it may not be in the interest of the other person(s).

I struggle with this sometimes. Anyone else have thoughts on this topic?



MudandStars
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11 Sep 2011, 8:15 pm

I find socializing with groups a lot more difficult than one on one.


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nikki15
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12 Sep 2011, 8:59 am

Me too.



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17 Sep 2011, 2:26 am

To me, three or four persons are ideal (including me). Not because it's easier to talk with two at the same time but I really feel uncomfortable with being alone with one single person, if I am, I often try to involve a third person to the talk.
It's not because I feel insecure or inferior, never, but such a private feeling often lets a feeling of pressure or associative doubtful thoughts grow. I haven't even got problems with being in the center of a big group or even on stage, I feel very comfortable with that because I don't have to focus on one single person but only on me and a group of persons who aren't defined.
but since the late puberty this all has become much better even though I always try to dominate discussions and communicate with a much greater (emotional) distance. But it still happens sometimes with some persons.


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17 Sep 2011, 3:18 am

2 is optimum, and the more people there are the quieter and more withdrawn I am. I often have a quiet word with someone when everyone else has left and suddenly become talkative like someone has flicked a switch on. Similarly if a 3rd person joins us I feel self conscious and the switch goes off.



lunaloo
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17 Sep 2011, 9:09 am

I hate socializing in a group. I'm OK (not great, but OK) one-on-one because I know who I'm talking to, whereas in a group, I'm unsure to whom i should direct my comments. Although I have a hard time relating to people in general, I do try to connect with the person to whom I am speaking; however with more than one person, it seems almost impossible to do so. Also, being rather shy and self-conscious, the more people there are, the less likely I am to speak up.

Also, I absolutely refuse to do any sort of public speaking. My sister got married a few years ago and as the matron of honor, I was approached by the wedding director to give a toast. I refused, which apparently annoyed the best man. He told me that it's one of those thing nobody likes to do, but you do it anyway. I'm sorry, but no. My sister understood and was completely ok with it. Besides, I can guarantee that if I were to stand up there and try to give a toast in front of all those people, I'd embarrass myself and make everyone else very uncomfortable. So I didn't do it. It's not something I need to get used to, get over, or anything else. It's just something I don't do. And surprisingly enough, the reception went on, people danced and had a good time, and my sister's marriage is still valid.



KathySilverstein
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18 Sep 2011, 12:48 am

I find socializing with one person much easier than socializing with more than one. I find a group literally impossible, unless perhaps they are other Aspies who I know well. To that end, I find my best mix is socializing with 2 other Aspies who I know well, as that way I can take a break from the conversation if I need it, but usually enter back in when I want to.


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