What am I doing wrong?

Post Reply New Topic

So basically, I'm an 18 year old guy with Aspergers, self-diagnosed (and then professionally diagnosed) at 11. Over the years my social skills (body language, confidence, eye contact, listening skills) have improved dramatically and I have a good circle of friends, albeit only a few that are close. I am a good-looking teenager and have had 4 girlfriends for reasonably long periods of time in my teenage life and everyone new I meet is surprised to know I even have AS, not recognising it in me at all.

However, I am still not that good with a lot of people, especially girls. I have some female friends but when it comes to talking to them or new ones over Facebook I always seem to mess up, which results most of the time in them not replying. Despite this, I am good with them face to face. I don't think there's anything obvious I'm doing wrong, but is there some kind of social etiquette for talking to people (on Facebook or otherwise) that I'm missing?

Thanks a lot!

I hope this will help, although I cannot say for sure. I'm currently doing research for a blog post I'm writing about friendship. Michelle Garcia Winner and Pamela Crooke have written a book called, Socially Curious and Curiously Social. You may find some helpful tips regarding social networking sites in Chapter 8: "If I Call You A "Friend" On Facebook, Are You Really A Friend?"

I hope you'll find the book and chapter helpful.

Apparently people tend to only chat regularly with about 8 of their facebook friends. If face to face is working well make the most of yet, work to your strengths and use fb to coordinate face to face contact.

The mistake you guys are making is going online to meet girls. They're actually REALLY creeped out by it. I hang out with a lot of girls from my school, and most of them always have some kind of "Some weird guy tried to hook up with me on Facebook..." story.

You guys should like...go to college or something. And grow some balls and talk to girls in person. The response is guaranteed to be so much better.

The internet is not a replacement for real physical/verbal interactions. Why would you default your best skill by trying to make those sort of high level relations on a place like Facebook? You are good in person... then use it!

You've already succeeded where many Aspies will rarely succeed. Please use those skills in person and not let them be inhibited by trying to be somebodies Facebook friend, before being a real presence to them in person.

You're not doing anything wrong. It's normal to ignore people online and talk to them in real life. It's when they start ignoring you in real life you know you have a problem.

Online is not most peoples first choice at socialising. I know it's not mine.

Conclusion: Don't try to meet girls over facebook. It's creepy.