Can an NT or someone explain this social situation?

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I went to my brother's birthday party recently, and I couldn't stay too long because it was loud, people were drinking, and it was really overstimulating. Also I was hungry and there was no food.

As I went to leave, I had a confusing interaction. I don't know what happened exactly, but everyone was laughing at me and no one would explain to me why. Here's what happened with my best retelling, maybe some NT here can explain this one?

One man that I met there was called Steve, I met him at the door and he said I looked familiar. He offered a nickname "Scooter". NO idea who he was. But I am really good with names I always remember them. Another man at the party I didn't recognize named Steve said he did meet me before and he remembered me. I think I remember him too but he changed his appearance a lot since the last time and I didn't immediately recognize him. This was pretty early in my visit.

Later I realized I was too stimulated to stay I asked to be taken home. I remembered to say goodbye to the hosts (a point for me!). There were people playing a drinking game on the porch where the hosts were (like 8 people), and so I said goodbye and hugged them because people expect that even though I didn't really feel like it. The Steve with a nickname then said something to me I didn't hear exactly about me not saying goodbye to him so I said "Goodbye Scooter, and also goodbye Steve" while turning to look at the other Steve.

Something made them treat this as offensive and I have no idea what I did. I responded by clarifying that I said goodbye to both Scooter Steve and Regular Steve so they didn't feel ignored. Everyone noticed because my volume was loud. I don't know why but they all laughed at me. I asked them why, and turned to my brother hoping he would explain but he was pretty wasted so he didn't help me ):

Why did they laugh at me? I know my account might not be accurate if I missed some social code, but this is the best I have.

This caused me a lot of distress because I was overstimulated already. Needless to say I left and yelled at everyone around me for hours and felt like everything around me was too much to handle (your standard meltdown). I wish people in these situations would just explain this stuff for me so I don't have it torturing me and humiliating me.

I have no idea myself, but maybe you might have misheard what nickname Steve said? Either that or they were sharing an inside joke about you.

It sounds to me that you must have switched the names around...called Regular Steve....Scooter and vice versa. Another thing that they might have perceived as a little "off" is that since Scooter's name is Steve...its like you said he was both...lol. I dunno.

I know my body movements are a little "off" so i expect people to laugh when i try to socialize....

I don't make name mistakes. That's one of my talents. I once memorized 80 names in a weekend, (it helped me cope with dealing with such a large number of people). I don't think that I got the names wrong.

Two NT guesses:

Guess 1:
My guess is I think the original Steve was making a little light-hearted joke when he said you didn't say goodbye to him, in that a party is an informal affair and so it would not be expected that you say goodbye to strangers. Just what might be called 'Banter' for nothing other than conversation sake.

And I think you then took his comment seriously and then went off on a Aspie rule-based kind of social exchange, this can seem pedandtic to NTs in an informal situation, so they may have laughed because it seemed unusual, or they might even have been toking up I suppose? All sorts of stuff seems funny then.

Guess 2:
Did you actually say the words 'Scooter Steve and Regular Steve'?
If you said that thats funny to me, they would have been laughing at the use of the expression Regular Steve (i.e. not at you).

Nostromo:

I had not considered those options. My best guess was that I was saying it in a weird voice or using a strange tone. I sound weird to people sometimes when I'm overstimulated.

I generally assume I am expected to say goodbye to the hosts but I can't always guess who else I'm expected to say goodbye to. I thought for sure I was doing what was expected... man, social code is hard! How do you just KNOW when you're supposed to read a request like that as a joke?

Your explanations seem really plausible. I like it better than "whelp I guess I just sounded weird again" because my thoughts didn't explain the shock then laughter responses. Your explanation does. I mean, if I wasn't expected to say goodbye (ie: regular steve was being sarcastic or something) it would probably shock them a bit that I took it seriously. And they laughed because people laugh when unexpected things happen. Also, I think I did say "Scooter Steve and Regular Steve" but only after, to explain that I did not forget to say goodbye to any Steve. I think in general the expectation difference alone would account for any laughing.

I am glad you threw me those guesses. I hate feeling picked on and I was humiliated when everyone laughed at me and I didn't know why, and no one would explain it to me. I feel like I understand better now what happened but I still feel kinda stupid/weird. How do I know who I'm expected to say goodbye to? (Generally I only spot sarcasm by logic: for example my brother doesn't hate me so if he says something that sounds like he does it's probably sarcasm and I have trained myself to ignore it) Is there a way to do this with saying goodbye? I hope so! You're my favorite NT now! Can I carry you around all day to translate for me? (:

What a confusing situation.

I think standard protocol when exiting an informal party is to be certain to say bye to anyone who absolutely needs to know where you are. So, you get a ride with Friend, but leave early. Friend needs to know that you are finding your own way home.

Other than that, you don't need to say bye to anyone in particular. You could say one big "See you later, everyone!" or if you don't want to stop and talk, could even just kind of smile at them and wave "bye" of the hand as you pass people on the way out.

If party is more formal, like you got invited by the host, or it's someone's birthday or wedding, you would want to say bye to the hosts & "guests of honor" to say "thanks for inviting me" and maybe compliment them.

Good optional "byes" go to your friends. It's not necessary, unless you think they might be worried about you being suddenly gone.

If you met someone that you thought were nice that you might want to hang out with future, saying bye to them is good too.

Nostromo:

Well if you sneak off no one will blame your neurology. If I sneak off people can interpret it as weakness or failure to learn the NT ways. Lamesauce if you ask me. It's a stupid social convention. People should be free to come and go as they please.

If I had a large party I would only be sad if someone left without saying hello OR goodbye, but if I got to see them then I wouldn't care about the goodbye part.

Thank you, Burnbridge.

I like the idea that I would be free from having to say goodbye to anyone that requests it except the host and the guest of honor, but then I am a bit worried that people will assume I'm rude if they say "hey, say goodbye to me too" and I think they're sarcastic so I ignore them. Or like this incident I say goodbye and they laugh at me.

Do NT's always know when to say goodbye or is this interaction meant to trip people up on purpose? Am I expected to know?

theres lots of reasons to say or not say goodbye to people just say goodbye to the people you want to say goodbye to.

TheSunAlsoRises:

But he didn't call me Scooter. He said it was a nickname he used. Scooter is a nickname for Scott. He used it hoping I would recognize him. We both thought we looked familiar but couldn't place it, and sometimes names can jog memories. I did figure that one out.

I think that Nostromo figured this out for me as his/her explanation fit the scenario best, and usually when people laugh at me the only way I can tell if I'm "the butt" or on "the inside" of a joke is if there are other people nearby who I know are allies to me (would never mean me harm)--if my allies act like jerks then I am the butt (like if they scold the other person or laugh reluctantly/fake reluctantly), and if everyone acts like it's fine then I am on the inside. This method fails a lot but it's the only way I can tell even sometimes. I hate it I wish people held up sarcasm signs. It sometimes helps too if people tell me that they are a sarcastic person, it's like a warning, haha.

MommyJones:

Hugging is not always a problem, I enjoy being squeezed and accepted by people. If I am overstimulated I can't stand it as well, and sometimes I will overload. This time I endured it only for my brother and his fiancee (the hosts) I guess I wasn't clear. I did not hug anyone else, I definitely knew better than to hug strange people while overstimulated.

Thank you guys for helping or trying to help. I am happy with the explanation Nostromo gave me.

It's probably because you said goodbye to each of the hosts by name and hugged them. Maybe that was more than what was necessary. I guess that depends on the culture so it's hard to know. From what I know of parties hugging and saying goodbye to hosts by name isn't necessary. It might be good enough just to smile and thank them, but if they offer a handshake or hug you can oblige.

It also could be that this Scott was joking about feeling left out since you gave a personal goodbye to a select few people sitting in the same general area. Maybe just thanking the hosts and waving a general goodbye to everyone would be considered more appropriate. I really have no idea though.

It might just be that you did nothing wrong and Scott was simply joking and people were laughing at the situation rather than at you personally. I don't always get what NTs find funny. If I don't know I just pretend to laugh along with them, or at least smile. I have trouble hearing things with background noise so when I make a fool of myself at a party it's usually a case of me not understanding what the **** people are saying. That's the main reason I don't like socializing at bars or house parties.

I'd also add that drunkenness can make NTs act inappropriately. They really might have not meant to make you feel uncomfortable and singled out. NTs don't always have perfect social judgement either. Alcohol tends to make them laugh at things that wouldn't otherwise be that funny as well.