Avoidance

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Is it just me or do any of guys find it when a friend is avoidant to be the most confusing/paranoid thing ever. And people do it to me repeatedly even when I make it clear to them that I'm very bad with avoidant behavior. You know the blowing off, cancelling, avoiding, etc. I don't get it, I make it clear to every friend that I'm horrible with handling avoidance but they keep doing to me repeatedly and repeatedly.

I hope Im not the only aspie who deals horribly with avoidant behavior.

I've seen this issue on here several times, and have experienced it several more times personally. I feel that is someone wants me to leave them alone, they should say it.

That said, when an annoying or stupid person is contacting me in an irritating fashion, I now tend to let them spin until I am good and ready. Otherwise, they will never leave me alone. The only way to deal with some people is avoidance. Perhaps we are misclassified as such?



Keep in mind, Robison mentioned this in his latest book - that not all relationships are equal. Some people you will be in constant contact with, and others will check in on you every few months, or during holidays. Apparently that's just how it works.

I'm one who's avoidant. There is one person I see in my life on a regular basis. I avoid her because she usually calls only when she needs a ride somewhere or she wants me to listen to her talk about herself. I cannot handle her constant chatter. It literally hurts after a certain point.

I mean avoidant behavior is just really confusing for me. Its like, are you really busy or are you just not making time for me? And if you are, what am I suppose to do? Just stop contacting you? When is it ok for me to contact you, should I just not?

It just leads to a ton of confusing questions. I have a really hard time managing confusion.

I tend to be avoidant but I try to always make it clear why I won't be showing up. most of the time it's "I don't feel like going" I guess people could be second-guessing that if they didn't know me.

OP, do your friends not give you reasons? if they say they're busy, maybe try to take a week without calling them and then then try again. if they blow you off the 3rd time it's time to let them be the ones to initiate. that's what I usually do and it seems to work. but I've never really analysed that too deeply.

This is a tricky one and something I've had to cope with inumerable times (and probably will continue to). I'm actually going to make a post about it due to something that came to a head today..but that's another story.

Whilst it's cowardly that your so-called friends would avoid you rather than respect you enough to be upfront and honest, perhaps they're simply avoiding you because they're apprehensive as to how you would react yet they don't wish to hurt your feelings? Or perhaps they're so shallow and selfish that if they don't wish to pursue a friendship with you they see no point in telling you why, it may not even enter their heads that they should give a damn about your feelings?

In my case, I've never had to reject anyone else, so I can think only in idealised terms. Hypothetically speaking, were I ever to be in that situation, what would I do? How would I break it to someone that I had no interest in them as a friend, or that I actively did not want to be friends with them? Ultimately it would be far easier to simply avoid them rather than try to navigate the complex social rollercoaster of human emotions.

Fact is, you dump anyone (whatever tennuous relationship you may have with them), the dumpee isn't' going to be happy with it, and if the dumper has nothing invested in the relationship then they don't see the point in having to be honest and then stick around long enough to pick up the pieces.