Keeping the door open for friends who hurt you

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I was curious about being polite to someone who has hurt you and your friends in the past and don't really seem to care what they did. Instead, they continue to behave the same way towards your friends and will not admit their mistakes. So, you decide not to call them or e-mail them but it's up to the other friend. Do you think this is a good idea or not?

good idea

A therapist who helped me a lot told me that for some people, it's good to keep the door open, for others keep the doors closed but not locked, and for yet others the door needs to be locked at all times.

That was almost 20 years ago and at the time it was revelation to me. I have practiced it ever since to good effect and have never regretted it.

People who intentionally offend or humiliate me are written off as non-people, as far as I'm concerned. There is no reason for me to waste any time or effort in concern over how they feel about me.

... and my life goes on ...

Why the f**k would you be kind to someone who hurt you? Slam the door in their phiz and hope it will hurt like hell!

I cut those so called friends out of my life I don't want anything to do with them or give them the time of day

I suppose it depends how much hurt we're talking about. It can be worth leaving somebody the option to stop being an ass, as long as it is up to them to make that choice. I also find it best to be polite to someone who is being nasty to me, I really don't want some idiot's bad attitude to cause me any grief or stress, I've got enough of that already. And the nastier they are, the more insufferably, excrutiatingly, annoyingly polite I become - I'll probably be burning up on the inside but I'm not going to let them know that, I'd prefer to watch them choke on the bile they are spewing.

They aren't worth knowing.

I've slammed the door on an ex friend who treated me like crap.

Exactly.

People who hurt you and don't even acknowledge it will do it again, sometimes in mind blowing ways. Trusting them again is a mistake. It's hard enough trusting people you who know are good, let alone people you know are bad.

I feel the same way and I was concerned to so chose to post something here. I also have another question about people like this who act like your friend while ignoring other people in front of you who they recently seemed to dump. Yet, they secret go up to the other person when you are not around and act like they are the only best and true friend. They also tell them not to tell anyone their business but go and twist the truth with you and spread nasty lies about that person.

Keep the ones you learn from or get something useful out of, and discard the ones you don't. I'm talking about nasty people, and users.

yeah. I'd advise to not negotiate anything with them, just don't let them bother you anymore OP.

I think this is good advice. There are people who you can safely never see again, but when you have mutual friends, it's sometimes better to be civil at least and maybe give them another chance if the cause of the falling out was not too serious. Otherwise further down the line you may be seen as the one with the problem.

I agree about being cordial with someone who you aren't really trusting them anymore. However, it's another to have a long distance relationship with that person since they are going to keep hurting you.