I loathe myself.

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I'm a Junior in High Schoo with Aspergersl, and the pressure is mounting up from every angle. I'm coping not only with the stress that academics place upon me, but also the pain of being by myself practically all of the time. I don't have friends at all, really. I don't know what precisely is holding me back. Am I not contributing enough effort to build relationships with others? Or is it simply because of my lack of inherent social skills? I think that it is perhaps a mixture of reasons that have put me in the position that I am.

I resent other people. When I am in school, I'm pretty much always isolated. Group work is my pet peeve; whenever possible, I will avoid it to the best of my ability. Since I am virtually always silent, when I hear what other people talk about, all I hear about is how they had fun last weekend, while I spent that last weekend sitting in front of a computer monitor because I have no social circle to make plans with. I envy the lives that other people lead, and how some people can make friends without effort. Then I contrast that to my own pathetic excuse of a life, and I get so upset inside. I don't feel like I am capable of turning it around. I feel that I will die alone.

I felt greatly disheartened during one of my classes, where my Math teacher gave a brief narration about his own experience in High School, and how people who don't have dates to the upcoming Junior Prom/Prom should be upset, and that those solo people are "individuals". I wanted to punch him in the gut. I can't imagine how many people actually want to be alone in that situation, but I am sure as s**t not one of those people. I'm not an introvert; I don't dislike the company of others. I just have deplorable communication skills, and I'm hopelessly awkward socially. I blow these opportunities to make friends since I am not very talkative in the first place, and when I do try to socialize, I'll stutter or slur my words. Something I do unintentionally is going to make somebody else uncomfortable.

I go to a Therapist bi-weekly, and when I spoke to him of this issue, he gave me the same-old advice that everybody else offered (that was not effective). He wants me to practice Social Skills. It's far from as simple as that. How does he expect me to get those skills? By repeatedly alienating other people around me as a means of practice? It sounds ridiculous to me. I make myself so angry sometimes. I blame myself for absolutely everything, because other people who I came to other than my therapist told me it was nobody else's fault. They're under the impression that I am like this because I don't put in effort at making a social life. They don't see all of the social traps that exist, and all of the people who will put me down. I don't feel that they understand what it is like.

tl;dr?

Have any of you been in/currently dealing with being a loner? Did you ever manage to resolve the issue?

Please post something.

I can relate to everything you said here. I was in a similar situation when I was in high school. However, I coped with the loneliness by retreating to reading autobiographies of other loners. I had a fixation on Isaac Newton because I could relate to his way of living his life as a recluse and admired him for his perseveration. Consequently, I lived a similar lifestyle for a year or so, where I focused on academics completely and wanted nothing to do with anything else. I think that helped me not become so emotional about the whole situation. At that point, I told myself that not everyone is made to be a social creature and that all kinds of minds benefit this world.

If I were to go back in time and change something, perhaps I would have explained the nature of my group work difficulties to my teachers so that they would be more understanding and more willing to let me work alone. However, unfortunately, I was not as aware of my differences back then as I am now.

I've eventually found friends and gained more confidence through connecting with other people with Asperger's... But that happened after I graduated from high school.

I don't want to be separate from other people; I do not want to have to retreat from them. I want to be the kind of person that others want to have around, but, unfortunately, I'm just the opposite. I just repel people, and nobody in my life has any sympathy, nor knows the pain that I feel. I hate getting up in the morning everyday. I have no reason to get up and out of my bed in five thirty in the morning. I go to school, and learn about nothing that interests me. I don't get up in the morning and think about my plans with friends, because I have neither of those things to begin with. It just seems like life is a black hole. I don't see any reason why I should continue to exist.

If I ever bring my feelings up, if I don't get some condescending BS, it seems all I ever hear is to be optimistic, and I get this impression that these people are talking out of their ass. This "just be yourself" and "lighten up, it could be worse" BS can go die. That stuff belongs in fairy tails. This is f*****g reality, where not everybody gets to enjoy their lives. It's so unfair, and it makes me so damn angry, and nobody in my life really knows, and most of them would not care, or know what to do. I don't know what to do with myself.

You know OP, I feel exactly the same way as you do.

But I could NEVER hate my disability nor let it get me down because there is always someone else worse off then you like for example today I was at the train station and this tall boy came walking along and he looked so old despite being so young, he was bald and had very few white hairs growing out the back of his head and his face was so old and horrible to look at.

How do you think he feels? To have to walk day in and day out looking like that and KNOWING that he is going to die soon because he has that disorder (where the body ages rapidly). I could never look at myself and say I have a horrible life because of people like him, who have it far worse then I do and yet he is still walking around in public despite knowing his fate, that's why I won't feel sorry for myself, that's why I will continue to strive to be the best of my ability because people like him can't and it would be an absolute insult to people like him if I did feel sorry for myself and kill myself/put myself down on stuff like social life.

You know, it's funny how so many people bring up the "it could be worse" cliché, and it never seems to be effective. I think it's because it can only momentarily distract a person from their own grievances, or downplay the severity of their problems. But, that can only work for so long. What about all of the people surrounding you who have it better in so many ways? It's sad that there are people leading unfortunate lives like that, but their problems aren't my problems. It might be selfish from your perspective, but it's the truth. Just because somebody is leading a life three times as sh***y as mine, that doesn't make mine any less sh***y.

Also, how can you not despise having Aspergers? I'd say that half of my problems that I'm coping with stem from my social ineptness, which in turn derives from my Aspergers. We're social animals by nature, so having a disorder that leaves us debilitated in that sense is terrible. This is nothing except for a burden upon us. I'm sorry to say, but I don't think the people who take pride in this illness are any better than flamboyant gays who feel the need to share their sexual preference with the world. It's not something that you want to bring up; it is something that you should try very hard to keep hidden, otherwise you get picked on. In my school, if you have some kind of mental disorder, like Aspergers or ADD, etc., you are labelled as a ret*d, and shunned. Nobody would be caught dead hanging out with mental kid.

That's why, whenever possible, I will deny having it, so that I don't have to live with that stigma.

I went through a stage where I wanted to be like everyone else is, too. The truth is, being social is a societal norm. You look at people laughing and having fun together and you want to do that, too. But that is not the only way to be happy. You don't have to socialize with people your age – you can socialize with people older than you, for example. When I was in high school, I had many amazing conversations with my teachers. I did crave more interaction and I was unhappy about being an outcast, but high school was only a stage in my life and I got over it. Also, the happiness you might see in a lot of people is exaggerated. It's considered to be a social norm not to show your problems in public, so that happiness you see is partially nothing but a social facade.

Asperger's is not an illness; it's a difference. I don't take pride in having this condition because sometimes, it is a huge burden. But I try to make the best of it and turn any of its disadvantages into advantages. I have learned to accept it and live with it, and disclose it only by necessity. Perhaps because I only tend to spend time with older, educated people, I have not faced any discriminatory treatment after disclosing my condition.

I have threatened to commit suicide many times. The truth is, I still think about it sometimes. However, I never ended up doing it because it's cowardly. By committing suicide, you are basically saying that you are powerless to do anything about your life and that you completely give up. But that's not true, because you can do something about your life and I think that there is one thing you can do, which is accept yourself for the way you are and instead on focusing on what you can't do, focus on what you can do. My boyfriend has also gone through years of trying to fit in and trying to be like everyone else. But in the end, we have both realized that we cannot be someone we're not and now we're happier than ever before. I am glad to be autistic sometimes because I can connect with autistic people better than the majority of people can. I really enjoy what I do and the people I have met through Asperger's groups and other pursuits related to autism, and wouldn't give these connections away for the world.

That way of life may be satisfactory for you, but at this point, it is not for me. I don't have trouble with only my peers; I also have awkward situations with other adults. My difficulties are not exclusive to interaction with other teens. I want so desperately to be accepted by even just a few other children. But, no. That is even too much to ask for. Maybe the delight that other people share in social situations is feigned sometimes, but it's probably so much better than being isolated. I don't even have a few good friends. I have nobody outside of blood relations to confide in. That hurts.

Aspergers is, by definition, a disability. It is sure as s**t an illness. It's a "difference", but it's also undesirable, and it's a hindrance. Stop trying to sugarcoat Aspergers. Can't we all just admit that there is nothing good about this crappy condition? Maybe deluding yourselves into thinking that there is some kind of silver lining to this makes you feel a bit better about yourselves, but from my perspective, all this condition offers is challenges that most normal people don't have to worry about. It's not going to go away; it is going to f**k me over well into my adult years, most likely.

If I try to socialise, I'll inevitably fail. I feel like a failure everyday because of it. Tell me how this syndrome is in any way, shape, or form advantageous when all my attempts to reach out to other people fall apart miserably?

Life is subjective; there is no one correct, objective way to look at it. If you are going to compare yourself to others, and loathe on what you don't have rather than just move on and live your life, then that's not really rational or productive.

I didn't have any friends in high school even though I strongly crave social connections, but life was fine. I aligned my thoughts where they are rationally constructive. I eventually figured out how to improve my circumstances to make them more enjoyable for myself. I went to university and am busy attaining an education. I met some aspies. Made some life goals. Found some activities I enjoy. Am enjoying good prospects, and am content with hand dealt. Comparing others around me to me is like comparing apples and oranges.

Life is best lived existentially rather than always comparing oneself to others. There's always an urge for most to have affection and social connections with others, but not everyone on the planet does all the time, and they move on. When one starts really loathing about the lacking aspects of their circumstances such as a lack of social interaction, and comparing themselves to those around them, it has a depressing effect that dramatically exaggerates what circumstances in reality that individual can comfortably live with. It's just human psychology. We are humans with both rational and emotional thoughts, and the emotional ones just plain aren't that reality-based sometimes.

You can try to interact with people, and if they don't want to be around you, then it's kind of their fault -- it doesn't really make rational sense to reject people just because of impressions from social awkwardness. Everyone who puts forth a respectful effort to reach out to humankind is a decent person, and it's the others who are wrong, but you can't control other people. I know the few people I hang around with (who have Asperger's) don't do that. So most people aren't like that. Fine with me. I choose to be rational and live my life, and not waste my time on what I can't control. There is nothing less rational one can do than reflect on matters outside of one's realm of control, and one might as well yell at clouds.

I think quite simply, you should not focus on what you don't have. Everyone is different, so it makes no sense to compare yourself to others.

Life is subjective, and the perspective you choose to attach to the circumstances witnessed through your eyes is how it is defined. If you don't like it then it sucks. If you are willing to enjoy life, then your pleasure is unbounded.

If you want to put your thoughts somewhere where they can make your state of being more pleasurable or move forward and produce something that betters life for this universe, then that is rational.

Please are you kidding me? My peers are doing s**t at college because all they do is talk and not get on with their work, who do you think is going to do better in life? Sure I have a laugh with them sometimes and talk to them when I need to but apart from that I keep them at arms length because they are a distraction to my work at college.

There is always someone out there that is better then you hell I'm sure there is someone out there that is even better then Elvis Presley but just undiscovered, if everyone were to think "oh whats the point, there is someone out there better then me " then this world would simply not function, at least I have two arms and two legs to walk about and to interact with people with, some people don't even have arms or don't even have legs so they have to rely on some machine to help them which isn't fun at all.

Yes my Asperger Syndrome can be a bastard sometimes but the point is to not let it get to you, I know for a fact that I'll never be the same level as normal people but at the same time why would I want to be normal? I have a brain that has unlimited potential due to how AS effects me while a normal person at my age all they care about is getting drunk and getting every STD in the book while having children, really I'm glad I'm not like most people who only care about themselves and always trying to one-up people because of their jealousness, it's all pathetic when I look at them all and I honestly do worry about my generation and the generations below me because they the most laziest/rude bastards I have ever met and love scavenging off their own parents.

Your only looking at their good points but really they have so many bad points that the good points can't even be seen.

I'm not getting any of the positive aspects of Aspergers. Some people say Aspies are more intelligent than other people, which I doubt. Plenty of non-aspie geniuses, right? Being smart is not a symptom. It probably has little to do with the disease as a whole. There is no upside to this. You either just deal with every burden it places upon you for the rest of your existence, or you take the easier, faster route to dying alone, and off yourself. I am honestly beginning to consider the latter.

If you try to step up to the plate as an aspie and be a little social, something, or somebody is going put you down. I don't have any desire to get up off of my bed in the morning when I wake up. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I'm going on a field trip tomorrow, and I'll probably be alone like always, because none of my peers, or even my teachers enjoy my company. None of them. I don't even know why I still put up with life's BS.

That's one of the most irrational statements I've read in a long time. It doesn't even make sense that you are opting to loath over this. Frankly speaking, it's your own fault.

Because you are opting for this perspective as you have made very clear, any unhappiness is your own fault. Specifically, you choose to deny existentialism in your reasoning,and in fact you completely ignored the arguments that completely proved that what you just said was absurd.

Aspies are not naturally more intelligent, they just tend to immerse themselves in more intellectual pursuits as a result of being socially isolated and thus enrich themselves intellectually more.

And it is not an illness because an illness is something that is acquired. Asperger's is not acquired; you are born with it. I'm just using the technical definition here.

Screw the school system, it is based around socially capable people and tries to dump everyone with a difference into a black hole known as Special Ed. I feel pity for those who fall victims to the effects of the terrible ideology that underlies the public schooling system. The trick is to try and get through it without it affecting you (i.e. changing you into something you're not). Anything that is aimed at the masses, like advertising and public systems, tends to be so generic and restricted that it makes me sick.

Actually people with autisum have proved time and time again that they are at least above average when it comes to intelligence, this isn't an opinion either its a fact that we are naturally more intelligent then average people.

Yeah I totally agree with you, anyone that is different on a mental or physical level get put straight into "Special Ed" and as a result, we are grouped together as "ret*ds" by most people. Most people are sheep and need to be told what to do to function in this world, I just don't see why I want to be like them when they are the worst examples of what a human is.

There is no such thing as proof of intelligence. No matter what study was conducted out there, the measurement of intelligence being used in the studies is not absolute. Therefore, anything, even the studies, regarding intelligence are subjective. In addition, when it comes to the standard measurement of intelligence (IQ), it can be changed over a person's lifetime. When a child grows up honing their academic skills instead of their social skills, the child's IQ will likely become higher, since IQ was designed to measure academic intelligence more than anything else and your brain undergoes synaptic pruning during childhood years. I remember reading this study of how IBI was able to raise a group of children's mean IQ from below average to above average. So while there is a genetic component to IQ, the environment also plays a huge influence, presumed by scientists to be half-and-half at this point (half genetic influence, half environmental influence).

Also, it is only Asperger's that is defined by an above-average IQ. A diagnosis of autism can be given to those whose IQ is below average. And the distinction between whether it's Asperger's or autism manifesting in a person is very blurry (hence the new combined DSM-5 criteria for ASD).

Agreed, and very well said. At the same time, I don't really see the point in spending so much time comparing one's intelligence to others -- it;s a rather pointless exercise. I don't see why people don't just do what they can and live their lives with whatever they're given. It just simply makes no sense to either moan and groan or give up on life. Just live your life. There's a million things to do.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ[/youtube]

So its the case of where you live that effects your intelligence overall?

Oh right I thought both autisum and asperger syndrome had the same situation when it came to intelligence, what is this DSM-5 criteria anyway? what's the purpose of it?