What did I do wrong!!? What was I supposed to do?
One of my NT friends was really upset because her dad yelled at her for a stupid reason (that's how I understood the situation anyway) she was crying, so a bunch of people crowded around her. I didn't quite know what to do, she said she didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't ask, the group also unnerved me greatly. The group patted her arm and rubbed her back, I'm not comfortable with contact with other people, and would be very awkward at it if I tried to... She got away from the group, and ended up next to me on the bus. I listened to her talk, agreed with the things she said, even tried patting her arm to comfort her. She started to cheer up, was still visibly upset, but better and not crying. I told her I would always listen and was always there for her of she wanted to talk. She burst into tears again after I said that, and got really upset. What did I say wrong? I thought that's what you were supposed to say and it was helpful to say! What should I have done? I'm sure I've made some error but I can't for the life of me think what!
gawd i always seem to make people cry!
i'm told it's because when you're upset someone being nice to you or asking if you're ok etc makes you more emotional
i guess maybe it opens some sort of door for self-pity and allows someone to indulge in their emotions for a brief moment. like asking 'are you ok?' leads them to think about how they are not ok and gives a green light for them to dwell on how they're feeling
i'm not sure
You didn't do anything wrong. I think you did everything just right.
Your friend was in a heightened emotional state, and your words of sympathy and support maybe gave her a sense of relief which resulted in another wave of emotion, and that started her crying again. For her, though, there was probably a different underlying emotion behind that bout of crying - I'd reckon more a sense of relief at being understood and listened to. More positive in a way. Hard to explain, but the important thing is that you didn't do or say anything wrong.
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