Funeral help

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Over the years I have managed to aquire a dependable collection of programmed responses to most common situations.
New baby/ puppy/ kitten means you smile and make cooing noises over the inevitable pictures.
Death of coworker's family member/dog/cat means you look sad and sympathetically ask if you can do anything.

Over the weekend my father passed away after a long illness. While I will miss him, I'm really not sad as he was not happy living on a respirator etc.

My problem is that there will be a funeral this week and I'm not sure how to act. Any suggestions for appropriate behavior wouuld be appreciated.

Dude. Just wear the dark clothes and the sunglasses. Be the hug man for the women. Your asperger face should fit right in for the funeral mode.
Don't smile alot-except when giving ulagy-which you might be best prepared to do.

Just be the hug man.

oh and,
sorry to hear your dad had to live on respirator for such a long time, that must have been pretty hard to see him not up and walking around like his old self.

He's probably where he is now-it wouldn't be crazy to ask him for guidance, as to how you are to get through his funeral with your AS oddities.

Good Luck,
and
It'll be ok.

When my friend died I was happy he was out of so much emotional pain (life) but I couldn't stop crying because everybody else was laughing and making jokes.

I'm sorry for your loss!

I suggest you be as calm as possible and not worry about anything.

First of all, I'm sorry this happened.

Just act calm for the most part. If sadness starts to overwhelm you, this is the one place to show it. Offer hugs or simply comforting conversations to older relatives. If there are kids present, you may tell them stories about who your father was. You may want to bring up nice things or achievement from your father's life, whether they apply to you personally or to everyone. If you're religious, you can say a short prayer. Avoid saying anything negative about people or making jokes.

Overall, just keep a calm, serious expression, and you should be fine.

Thank you, for the condolances and the advice.

I'd almost forgotten about the eulagy.

CDRhom

My condolences too - I know how it feels to lose a Dad after a nasty illness. I still think my Dad was too young to go that way.

At the funeral - it's ok to be sad, upset, numb, blank, angry he's gone, it's even ok to remember the fun things you did together and laugh about it. It's ok to be relieved his suffering and pain and indignity is over. It's possibly not ok - if everyone else thought your Dad was a great guy - to b***h about all the things you hated about him. Save that for later, much much later - months later.

You might not feel like crying now, but sitting up the front with a lot of sad people behind you can be overwhelming - so don't forget to take tissues and a hanky - hankerchiefs don't fall apart like tissues do - they're better. You might also want to take a bottle of water. I found it helped me to be able to drink when I got really tight in the throat (upset).

You don't have to give the eulogy - your family should get together and discuss this and see if anyone wants to do it or if nobody does - if more than one person wants to - they can talk about what each wants to say and share and support each other. If nobody does, suggest two of you share it or ask the person who will be leading the service for ideas. You might find another less close family member or friend would be willing. Everyone will have little stories they remember and you can use these - maybe three little stories about aspects of his life, family, work, hobbies would be enough. You don't have to recite the entire story of his life in one go. And it's ok to be funny - especially if he was.

And it is ok to eat too much and get smashed at the wake. Or sit in the corner talking to nobody. Anything goes (apart from picking fights).

i can't go to funerals because i laugh. im serious, the last time i went to a funeral i laughed and everyone almost beat me up there. haha

You're welcome!

Just be yourself, everyone reacts differently to death and people understand this. I don’t think anyone will hold your reaction or lack of reaction against you, people are usually very understanding at funerals. Apart from that just try to be supportive of your family. Also try not to freak out when people touch you, there is a lot of touching at funerals

I'm very sorry about your father.

Thank you. I really appreciate all your help. With your advice I was able to seem "stoic" instead of "cold and unfeeling" which is a good thing.

You're welcome!