conversation advice please

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(quick backstory:)

Growing up I had really terrible behavior problems and could barely function, almost. I mellowed out as a teenager but I was still a creepy ******* weirdo unfortunately. When I was about 20 I finally became self aware of these things while I was camping in the woods all isolated in the cold. I figured out people probably weren't alienating me and treating me like trash just for the hell of it and was like, well damn I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis but SOMETHING has to be wrong with me. So after some research I've been as sure as someone that ain't a doctor can be that I have some type of Aspergers type bullcrap, if not that then some hideous amalgamation of disorders, but the specifics don't matter to me at all so think what you want...

I was like man, I am so tired of this crap. I tried to cut out bad habits and confront any shortcomings. But it's been a couple years and I'm still just trying to get to a point where I can pretty much just live my life without being an absolute goof, you know? I've come really far. Like night and day.

But on to my point, this question is just one problem of many I'm facing. the fact of the matter is I stink at conversation, to a point. Like miraculously I can now greet people normally without saying or doing something ridiculous..."What's up" "How ya doing" etc. and that stuff is aight. I'll do that small talk about sports or whatever else. The only problem is any kind of sustained conversation has me coming off as an utter BUFFOON. I mean I feel lucky that I'm not scared (anymore at least) of something as silly as talking to another person, the problem is I'm just clueless. Probably from years of isolation growing up and all that sad dumb ****.

I just see when people start going off about each other's lives and whatnot, it flows without effort. They're just a boss at it. they have an inherent mastery of that kind of discussion without even thinking about it, and that is something I can't emulate. I've been trying for years. Pathetic, I know.

So does anyone have advice? I'm tired of this bs!

Most people's favorite topic tends to be themselves. Their job, their family, their interests, their politics, whatever. If you can steer the conversation towards them, then they'll take about 80% of the conversation workload, just leaving you to say things like "hmm?", or "Is that so?" or other little things to indicate you're listening.

i know what you mean, this is hard. i've developed a technique of just asking loads of questions in response, along with the odd remark/comment so it doesnt sound like an interview.... still can't keep it going as long as other people, but it gets me by a bit

also, watch some tv/read books/listen to the news/see films etc... it makes it eeasier to find some common ground with people. and elongate conversation by saying something like 'have you seen such&such film?'/'did you watch xyz last night?'/'what do you think about thingybob news story?'

and working on your memory probably helps. i often find that i can't think of anything to say to someone, then another person comes along and asks them about some big event (a weddding or something) that just happened to them and a big conversation starts. i knew the event was happening, but just couldnt remember in that instant and associate it with that person. if i was better at remembering things about people and associating things with them more quickly i think i'd be better at chit-chat

Thanks for the advice. The problem is sometimes just what sacrip said. I'm like, "Yeah, uh huh, is that right?" the whole time but I don't have really any input. The conversation needs to have a balance to it or else it feels like I'm just interviewing them. And I feel like a goon in that situation.

I should add that another thing is my speech is really disjointed, stuttery and sometimes incomplete. And my vocabulary tends to be just abominable when I try to form a complete thought out loud. It was always like this, but somehow people put up with it. I gotta work on it a lot. It's not keeping me from doing anything, but it annoys me that I give off this unwanted taciturn vibe.

I seem to have a similar problem. Extended, meaningful conversations with people almost never happen well around me. It starts OK like "Good morning" and what not, but if the person asks a question, or exclaims something I always end up with my foot in my mouth. For example: "Is it raining outside?" Me: It seems cloudy, which means it could rain, but because the sky is gray it may not mean that is going to rain as much as it being overcast, if you....." here person A is bored, annoyed and I dont notice they went like "ok, I got it . . ." " you can stop now" . .. so on and so forth. I have this HORRIBLE one-sided convo issue, because my thought process happens out loud.

What HAS helped me tho is usually bitting my lip, or trying to trail off into not talking at all . . . like So . . yah . . mhmm. Think that may help you?

Haha. I take it a step further and leave the room abruptly, because I hate awkward silence. I don't like being rude like that, but that's what I do until I can get better at this junk.