Scared of taking the first step?

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I dont have an issue approaching someone Im somewhat familiar with.

However when it comes to talking to someone I dont know Im usually too scared of what might happen (from being labelled a creep because I approached the wrong person to having to see this person that refused to interact with me daily).

My problem is that this even applies online and all my current online friendships were started by the other person taking the first step and as you can imagine it doesnt help improving my social life.

So I was wondering if this was a common issue around here and if you had your own ways of dealing with things.

I'm a shy person because I don't know how I will come off as. I am afraid of someone might think I am harassing them or afraid I might say the wrong thing or come off wrong. I just let other people make the first move.

I am even shy to post threads because I don't know how they will come off as.


I was less shy in the past but I got crap for it. Plus I kept saying stupid things so now I am careful but it takes me longer to post. I even used to make the first move too with friends. Now I am too shy.

you are further on the scale then i am; i cant even really approach my sister or parents for a conversation...

I don't tend to initiate relationships or socialising either. I have made stabs at changing that at times.

The following is probably the experience of someone with ADHD rather than Asperger's.

TLDR: I think it's worth doing an analysis of what motivates your own patterns of behaviour.


A lot of the time I find relationships difficult work, and I think it's that puts me off. I think I'm a bit of a crap friend too, as I tend to never get in touch with other people, I never remember to ask what people are up to, check up on them, all that... It's not that I don't care, it's more that I tend to assume people are fine and getting on fine without my input, why would they want me interrupting...

I get annoyed when people start trying to conduct extensive small talk operations with me while I'm trying to be getting on with something... I'm rather intolerant really, and I assume that other people would be similarly inclined (not necessarily so)

It requires a lot of effort to pay attention to someone, so I reckon I'm unconsciously saving that energy up for when it's really necessary. I probably also subconsciously put out signals that this is how I need it or want it to be... 'don't bother me unless it's really important'. That's probably not good either.

I find it hard to be conduct what I consider a proper friendship with more than 1 or 2 people at once, I just don't have the organisational skills.

Well said moog

^ oh im like that too moog. except for the annoyed bit. feel sorry for anyone who's friends with the both of us D:

i think i'm only friends with two people online at the moment, and that's mainly because theyre the ones who initiate most of the communication. it's not that i don't want to talk to them, i just worry about being a nuissance because i have no idea how to tell when someone wants to hear from me. also why i don't really initiate any friendships. i get so intimidated by people i like and dontt have much confidence so i just think why would they want to have me trying to start conversations. not to mention the fact i wouldnt have a clue what to say half the time
kinda the same irl i guess. i let other people make a lot of the moves/suggest acitivities/ask for contact details etc...which i guess comes across as uninterested and is why i don't have many/any friends. i hate the idea of being a hinderance and not even realising it.

oh, and on top of all of the above i tend to go incommunicado at regular intervals...so i'm pretty much a pain in the ass

i guess i didn't really have any helpful advice there spongy sorry:/

I am usually hidding in a corner. When I go to book stores I hide behind books and shelves and wiggle away when people go to the isles I go to. I think you are not alone in not taking the first step. Some things just stay uncomfortable.

Absolutely - more so a few years ago but still to a degree today. I can sometimes initiate conversations, but it's difficult of course.

Yes Moog you described the situation pretty well.

Just so you have an idea the last person that approached me received a message about limiting the amount of messages we exchange on daily basis in an attempt to avoid getting too attached(yes Im also surprised this person understood this and asked me to reply whenever I felt comfortable doing so).

Others while you may not provide any actual advice I now know Im not alone in this and while it doesnt sort things it kinda comforting in an odd way.

Friendship is a big deal to me. I don't do friendship lite, the people who are my friends know I really value them, and I can be a bit intense.
For that reason I tend to only have a few friendships, I just don't have the emotional energy for more.
I also find it hard to trust new people, and can be quite a difficult person to get to know.
The people I care about most are all WP folk. I can't remember who initiated the friendships, prob me, but I don't mind taking the initiative, once I am sure of ppl.

I found meditation helped a lot, and learning to relax and stop trying to control everything in social situations.

I don't take things so seriously, and I find that I get by despite my many errors by being open hearted, positive and genuine.

I'm very good at apologising.

I find that even though I forget to maintain relationships, I never really lose many because I don't actually piss anyone off, or when I do I try to sort it out ASAP

I have a new habit of reading from my Ki sayings book before I go out, it sets me up for interacting with the right frame of mind. It's like a prayer or an affirmation. Loving kindness meditation practice is a lot more useful than I ever give it credit for.

I think the mindset you carry around about other people has a significant effect on how you relate to people, so it's important to try and reinforce the positive. I'm a depressive by nature.

Just a few slices of spiritual woo woo for you