I dont want to loose my friend

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I have a serious problem in my hands in terms of friendship. I have two friends. In the way one can define through thick and thin friends. They are more than friends, they are family to me. The only family I can really sort of relate to. I met my first friend on my second attempt at college, which failed horribly and we have known each other for 7 years. The second is her now husband, whom I met before they married, after he got out of jail the first time. I love this people a whole lot, don’t know what I would do without them. But my quirks and inability to see the bigger picture are getting in the way and it is really starting to bother me. I really have no idea what to do anymore about the situation and I am frantic over the idea of losing my friends/family. If they left, I would have nowhere to go and no one to help me, except staying with my mom, which I think I would rather lay down in front of an incoming train than to stay stuck with the psychologically abusive lady.
Here is an example of my very obvious lack of getting a hold of the bigger picture. I have a really bad habit of HAVING to finish what I start; it does not matter if it is something I am writing, reading, doing, w/e. If she tells me “pass me the pen” and I grab it to give it to her and she goes “NVM found one” I STILL have to give her the pen, even if she doesn’t need it.
Something else I cant seem to stop doing is asking repetitive questions. One of them will say “I m thirsty” I will go “You are thirsty?” and he/she will go “Nope, said it for GP” when usually I ask because it reinforces me you know? Like “you are thirsty? Want me to get you something?” They say I act very insecure about stuff all the time and that I am a grown woman (28 years old as of this past may). I know they really mean no harm, and they do not really get angry right away, but after so many years, they get irritable when I get overly repetitive and what not.
I got a PDD-NOS diagnosis in California but when I moved out, my doctor got it in her head that I could not really have a problem (maybe a little depression?). SO now my roommate at one point told me she felt like a fool standing beside me and defending me like I had a problem when obviously I am Choosing, to be selfish and not THINK about the consequences of my actions and speak before I think.
I am really tired of being misinterpreted. It always surprises the hell out of me when I am told I am being unkind or thoughtless and self-centered. I . . Totally don’t get how I am being that way.

Good grief this post is getting long. Sorry. >,< but .. . well im scared im going to loose the only people I can handle beign around in real life. What am I supposed to do if that happens? I am working very hard trying to curb my selfish behavior, but I have no idea how to work it out, and I don’t want to go like, you know I am an aspie and im sorry if I didn’t get it. Im so tired of making problems I usually agree to whatever they say I am doing wrong say I am so sorry and will try harder. Still they even get mad at that now lately because they think I f**k off on purpose and then apologize like it makes it all better. Can your quirks get progressively worse? Lately I seem to screw up a lot of things, even recognition of tones of voice and context of words (which I wasn’t that great at, but not this horrible) and I need some real solid advice on how to maybe pretend I can see things from a perspective outside of myself?

I am getting scared because I have caught myself withdrawing. Reading, or doing something so intently that, even if I WANT to pay attention to them, because I care, I find myself really far away and unable to BE interested in what they are doing and talking about. Or talking, or watching movies, or sharing . . . and when I talk I take off with my one-sided conversation because I HAVE to keep doing “leaps” in the topics. Like if they talk of a movie that I like I cant let it go when the topic is over or a song, etc. I need some real good advice on how to save my friendship and how to keep my world together. I don’t want to use autism as an excuse to lose the only thing that keeps me around.

OK . . Does anyone have any idea how to curb socially problematic behavior?

Why can't you just tell them it is AS? I would imagine that would be better than them thinking you are doing lots of things they have told you are annoying deliberately.
To curb it you have to learn from it e.g. go through what you have written and look out for it next time and don't do it. You can either try really hard and fight it, or just accept you are doing your best as you are.
If they were genuine friends they would accept you. I have a few people that are happy with my diagnosis. If it is getting to you that much maybe you need to say something. You could also read books on social skills.

I agree with telling them, with the addition of asking them to make a deal with you.

Ask them to be as open and honest as possible about their reactions to you. If you are doing something that upsets them, they will tell you. That way, you can aknowladge and apologize even if you don't quite understand. What counts is that you are listening to them and you are trying.

Perhaps you could come up with a signal that you understand that means "stop." Lets say it's tapping their chin. When you are going on about something and they want to discontinue the conversation, they would tap their chin and signal for you to stop talking about x. If you that you are doing something that is upsetting, frustrating, etc., they won't feel as badly as telling you to your face "you are bothering me!"

I have no idea if that helps. I'm an NT mama to newly diagnosed four yearold with AS and I have no idea what I'm doing!

We have talked before, but because my last doctor refused to stand by my previous PDD-NOS diagnosis from California, it is hard to tell people im autistic plus I don't like making excuses for myself. The signal advice might work. I also asked for some advice a little more in depth in the parenthood section because I wanted input on how the other side of the issue feels about it. I got a great list of resources to look through and I am gonna give the signal thing and the analysis of past transgressions a shot as well. Thanks a bunch! And anyone else who wishes to discuss the topic is free to do so. I may even write an update later on, see how the new approach is working.

I've had problems with obsessive behaviors in the past as well. The only way I have found to get id of these habits is "cold turkey:" Next time you are about to follow one of your obsessive behaviors, jut don't. Don't think about all the reasons to follow/reject your behavior, just think about something else. Just once. No matter how hard or miserable it is: If you do it once, it will be easier to do it again.
Also, be VERY careful not to say something like "My behavior isn't hurting anybody, I might as well just do it again." If you do think of something like that, tell yourself that you are being hurt more by your behaviors than you could ever be hurt by rejecting them.

Good luck,
Truth15ful

Thanks, thats something to keep in mind.