How do NTs perceive the dead eye stare?

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When I was younger I avoided eye contact but after years of forcing myself to do it now I'm the polar opposite. I stare directly into peoples eyes. I've been told I have this emotionless dead eye gaze that makes it seem like I'm staring right through people. In videos of people with HFA I can see they have the same kinda emotionless gaze. When I observe an NT communicating with someone I see their eyelids/eyebrows are constantly moving in complex ways. How do NTs perceive this emotionless gaze that people on the spectrum have? Does it scare them if you appear to be staring right through them?

The stare, the look, is very off putting to NTs. I have no advice as to how to avoid doing it, but intensely staring at someone is not well received and having a blank look in your eyes while looking at someone is also not well received. NTs will have weird thoughts about you if you do that. Guaranteed.

Though I did read somewhere, maybe here, one person suggested telling NTs that blank look, they should think of that as the spinning beach ball icon on an Apple computer, meaning, I am here with you but I am thinking.

Found an interesting YouTube video about Aspergers and staring:

Youtube

lol thats a pretty funny video. The woman can't seem to comprehend that the guy has more important things going through his head than the thought of having sex. Thats the best way to describe it, "I sometimes get lost in thought and stare into space at nothing in particular". I make sure that I'm not looking at a person when I do this but people still react weirdly because they ask me why I'm staring at a wall or at a cup or something. Where the hell are you supposed to stare if staring at every point in your field of vision is considered either weird or perverted. I've never been accused by a woman of staring at her while thinking perverted things but I've been questioned about why I'm staring plenty of times. One night (before I knew I had autism) I decided to go to a bar. I was on my own but I didn't think it would be a problem. For some reason the bartender kept reminding me that the police were nearby and saying things like "listen, we don't want any trouble, the police are just around the corner" but I had no idea why he was telling me this. At one point he says "is there something wrong?" and I said "no, what?" and he replies "you're deep in thought" in a different tone of voice, the kinda voice tone people use when they an old adage or something. I'm guessing he was referring to the fact I was staring into space. After a while he said "okay I'll pour you one more pint, after that you'll have to leave, the police are just outside". The whole experience left me baffled. I was just there to drink and maybe make a friend or something, I have absolutely no idea why he thought I was there but he obviously had some crazy idea in his head considering he wanted me to believe that the police were just outside the bar. Life got a whole lot easier when I got diagnosed because these kinda experiences are now a whole lot less confusing.

Consistent uninterrupted eye contact during normal conversation is often a way of picking a fight.

I find eye contact from random strangers way too intimate and intrusive. I don't know why people place so much value and meaning to it!

This is still a problem I have.
I try not to make a lot of eye contact with people anymore, but it's weird.
You're supposed to make eye contact when talking to someone, or when listening, but not too much eye contact or they seem bothered.
Also, not making eye contact with people sometimes will be seen as ignoring them or trying to avoid them.
It's really hard meeting the proper level of eye contact, and quite a pain.
I wish I didn't have to deal with it.

When I was younger I used to stare down a lot. Then I got to listen to idiots who thought they were being helpful ask me if I was depressed and then proceed to extol the importance of looking up.

Nowadays I make a point of engaging in brief, roaming eye contact with everyone in the room. When in conversation I try to pick a spot slightly off target so I don't stare. I apparently fake it real well, because people stopped bitching about it.

I've had the following:

Your eyes look dead.
Your eyes look empty.
You have a worried look on your face.
What's the matter?
Relax.
You look uncomfortable.
Lighten up.

etc.

I've got problems with eye contact, not enough for people who are not employers and/or people who are deciding to give me paragraphs of advice because they're bored or old (or both) really care to tell me about, though. I still probably come off quite odd. One employer I had regarding my lack of eye contact told me "You look like you just robbed a bank." telling me specifically about my lack of eye contact. This was just working at a restaurant. Fun. When I did sales after, that was one minor complaint my bosses In some ways in sales, etc, my "Aspieness" worked for me, but not in the way the business wanted. The business wanted much much higher pressure sales than I was willing to give usually.

One thing I learned to do, despite my fear of it, was in public, when I got eye contact from people, mostly from other guys I perceived as threatening in some way, instead of looking away, I'd stare them down until they looked away, just get into a staring contest. I tend to avoid eye contact with women entirely, though.

Basically, my current eye contact skills are using it for an aggressive/dominant purpose or not at all. I can also with people maintain eye contact for like 2-3 seconds, then not for like 20-30 seconds, then maintain it again for another 2-3 seconds.

This is what I get:
"Are you OK?"
"Yes, I was just thinking."
"Does it hurt?"

^ ^ ^

What I always hated was that feeling of shock at well-meaning interlopers asking dumb s**t. Because there's a part of you that really never gets why the hell they think they have the right to intercede in your existence.

At least for me, it was always folks who only sort of knew me. I remember this girl who lived across the hall from me (not directly, a couple doors down) sophomore year in college who would not let the whole "look up / are you depressed thing" go. I never understood the idea that living a couple doors down entitles you to judge my mental state and comment on potential remedies.

What the hell is going on here????! !! ! I get stared at ALL THE TIME. And I don't even have to be looking at them at all to be stared at. I can sense if somebody's staring at me, and when I quickly glance round at them I find that they ARE. If NTs don't like being stared at themselves then shouldn't they know better to not stare at other people?

And no, I don't go out looking weird, acting weird, abnormal posture, yadda yadda yadda all the same crap I've put before on these threads concerning the staring, I just look and act like anyone else, I am high-functioning enough to hide my AS and I know it, there is NO REASON for them to stare, and anyways I've caught people staring at other people too who don't look weird or anything.

I learned how to make eye contact by age 20. But unlike NTs its different, because I used to be scared of the eyes. So now I desensitized the eyes to mean nothing. Its like staring at an object and you just know to look there. I use other cues to read body language, mostly voice. Yeah I noticed that's one way to spot out an aspie even the more conditioned ones. they don't really use there eyes to send a message, they mostly just start when acknowledging when listening to others. The more well conditioned aspies, when talking they'll use appropriete body language. But when listening, there eyes are still a bit dead.

I actually observed Kristen in one of the autism talk TV episodes. When shes interviewing someone, she uses the appropriate body language when actively talking(asking questions). When shes listening, she makes eye contact but her eyes are rather dead.

I thought I saw a female aspie at the doctors office. When she answered the phone, her voice was dead and her eyes were dead. She kinda looked like she didnt quite know what she was doing. And she gave me a red pen to fill out forms.

My prof gave me a secret for eye contact in presentations. Look at the wall, it deceives people into thinking your making eye contact, very effective tip.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have the solution.

Blink.

I remember a study they did on the "uncanny valley", the displeasure felt upon recognition of a robot's inhuman traits, and it had something to do with the facial expressions. I attribute this largely to the unauthentic look of the eyes in the robot. For most people, it creates an unsettling feeling effect because they cannot comprehend it. This is how you feel when you're forced to look into an NT's eyes and how the NT feels when you stare into their eyes for what may seem like an unsually long time.

Now, I'm sure many of you here have also been accused of a possessing a similar vibe when you smile. It, too, has more so to do with the eyes than you'd realize. Instead of using your lips and teeth to smile, use your eyes too.

You want to have a slight squint in your eyes when you smile. This slight squint occurs naturally when one is happy. Thus, when you're genuinely happy, you'll likely have a squint in your eye when you smile. Don't worry so much if you're having trouble reproducing a 'genuine smile'. Even NT's have trouble with this in photographs. Just keep practicing the slight squint.

Likewise, when speaking, you want to blink too. Blinking and turning your head away and back from time to time is a natural part in conversations. Watch interviews on TV, especially news related interviews. They'll blink and move their head around when they ask/answer questions.

In conversation, the eyes are just as important as the mouth and the ears.

Blink.