Feeling isolated

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I have autistic "traits". My son is diagnosed on the spectrum formally.

All my life, I have always felt like an outsider. I always had trouble connecting with people. When I was younger - I developed a rigidity that made me difficult to get along with. I never developed strong, lasting friendships. I am not nearly so rigid now - in fact - I am quite accepting of different people, their lifestyles, philosophies, etc.

I get by okay. I am friendly to my co-workers - but not "friends" with them. I enjoy working with people - my clients like my work and appreciate me.

However, I get sad when I think about the fact that I have trouble forming lasting relationships with people. I cannot have a dinner party because I simply do not have people to invite.

I can behave myself and get along with people at a work event or social event. I can make small talk. I can even write or say things that make people feel genuinely empowered or feel better when they are sad. I will admit though - this is very much a learned skill. I have not always been diplomatic or known how to approach difficult situations.

I guess I am saying is that I feel kind of sad sometimes. I [/i]like[i] people. It's just that I have trouble connecting with them meaningfully.

It's weird though ... most people wouldn't know this if they met me - I'm married with two children. I have a job that involves a great deal of people work and communication. I seem completely NT. It is only after spending a lot of time with me that my apartness becomes noticable. It is like I am a facsimile of a real person. Kind of like food from a replicator - good, but not as good as the real, cooked food (Star Trek fans will know what I am talking about )

The reality is - I really do feel like I am from a different planet. Sigh.

I totally relate to you. I have trouble connecting meaningfully with others too.

I get along with most people and most (if not all) wouldn't be able to guess that I am an aspie. (I'm very self-conscious and I really try to appear as NT as possible).

I mentally complain sometimes of my lack of relationships, but when people like me, I fail to maintain their friendship. For instance, there have been times when I am given a contact number and I don't call, or I'm invited to a gathering and I decline or I don't attend. It's like my mind is ambivalent to relationships; one side is sad for the lack of relationships and the other side feels that it's too taxing and draining to maintain relationships. Weird.

I was popular with some of my ex-coworkers and I would go out with them occasionally, but I never considered them my friends. I don't know why. I don't know the answer. Must be a weird aspie trait.

I feel the same way. At this point, I've just given up on even finding friendships. The failure of many years has jaded me. I have a 4 year old and a 3 year old, so you think I would be able to chat with the other moms at school and the playground, but after 10 minutes, every conversation bottoms out and I can sense they do not consider me a potential long-term friend. You sound like you are a bit better with the small talk (that's the worst for me) but either way, I think people sense something is different and go the other way. Its gotten very depressing for me, especially with my son on the spectrum, and feeling like I really need support. (other than from my husband whose only answer to everything is always 'everything will be fine.' I have actually given up on me finding friends and at this point just hope that the kids make friends and that my son finds a way to be happy in a way I never could. Its their turn now.
Sorry - I just wanted to let you know I feel sad too, I didn't mean to be so depressing. lol.