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Handling criticism and backstabbing

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roast_chicken
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24 Oct 2011, 1:10 am

I'm just awful at handling criticism. Usually I go on a long rant at the person about all the reasons why they are wrong, and usually that just serves to annoy them more. But the alternative seems to be to melt into a heap, "I'm useless" and have a complete meltdown about it. Unfortunately, my so-called "aggressive" tirades against people I am angry with usually result in completely alienating myself from that person. I tend to feel justified in what I'm saying and think that there's nothing wrong with what I'm saying, but no many times people have ripped into me for being over the top. I would like to learn a kind of "middle ground" of dealing with criticism, not one that involves me getting mad or having a meltdown.

Another thing I can't handle at all is unfairness and backstabbing. Especially when the backstabbing is completely undeserved. My brain just can't cope with it. When I find out about it, it upsets me so much that I actually feel physically ill. I know that sounds totally "drama-queen" ish, but it's like my whole body just goes into "shut down" mode and I can barely function. Yesterday someone accidentally sent a text message to me, which was supposed to go to someone else, and the text involved making fun of me...the rest of the afternoon was pretty much a write off.

I wish I could handle this stuff better. Any tips people? Helpful books? Helpful advice? Would be greatly appreciated.



Chronos
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24 Oct 2011, 1:42 am

roast_chicken wrote:
I'm just awful at handling criticism. Usually I go on a long rant at the person about all the reasons why they are wrong, and usually that just serves to annoy them more. But the alternative seems to be to melt into a heap, "I'm useless" and have a complete meltdown about it. Unfortunately, my so-called "aggressive" tirades against people I am angry with usually result in completely alienating myself from that person. I tend to feel justified in what I'm saying and think that there's nothing wrong with what I'm saying, but no many times people have ripped into me for being over the top. I would like to learn a kind of "middle ground" of dealing with criticism, not one that involves me getting mad or having a meltdown.


Don't reply to the criticism immediately and take time to ask yourself if this person who was critical towards you is correct. Or at the very least, take the time try an understand their perspective.



Wolfheart
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24 Oct 2011, 11:01 am

roast_chicken wrote:
I wish I could handle this stuff better. Any tips people? Helpful books? Helpful advice? Would be greatly appreciated.


The best way to handle criticism is to analyze it from a logical point, try to rationalize what the person is saying so you can discern if it's constructive or negative criticism, try to respond in the most appropriate way. Don't allow your emotions to take over and instantly become passively aggressive, some people are hoping for this response.

As for backstabbing, the best thing you can do is disassociate yourself from people like that, simply disregard people who are only going to bring negativity into your life and take it up with them personally if it continues.



agwhanooo
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24 Oct 2011, 12:12 pm

roast_chicken wrote:
I'm just awful at handling criticism. Usually I go on a long rant at the person about all the reasons why they are wrong, and usually that just serves to annoy them more. But the alternative seems to be to melt into a heap, "I'm useless" and have a complete meltdown about it. Unfortunately, my so-called "aggressive" tirades against people I am angry with usually result in completely alienating myself from that person. I tend to feel justified in what I'm saying and think that there's nothing wrong with what I'm saying, but no many times people have ripped into me for being over the top. I would like to learn a kind of "middle ground" of dealing with criticism, not one that involves me getting mad or having a meltdown.

Another thing I can't handle at all is unfairness and backstabbing. Especially when the backstabbing is completely undeserved. My brain just can't cope with it. When I find out about it, it upsets me so much that I actually feel physically ill. I know that sounds totally "drama-queen" ish, but it's like my whole body just goes into "shut down" mode and I can barely function. Yesterday someone accidentally sent a text message to me, which was supposed to go to someone else, and the text involved making fun of me...the rest of the afternoon was pretty much a write off.

I wish I could handle this stuff better. Any tips people? Helpful books? Helpful advice? Would be greatly appreciated.


Dit to the to, my friend. Absolutely Beth Dit to the to. (That's two topics here which could have come directly from myself...spooky 8O! !) The good thing is, at least you acknowledge what you're doing and recognize the pattern. The more you take stock of your behaviours and what triggers them, the more you should hopefully be able to keep them under control (easier said than done of course). They say in order to learn a language fluently you have to live in that language's country, and the same is true of honing your behaviour and social skills; hit the ground running and PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. Roleplay a myriad of situations in which these triggers would arise (in person or over MSN or skype or the phone), then you may not feel so unprepared when they happen for real. I don't have anyone who is willing to roleplay these scenarios with me, but you might? And if you don't, then shoot me a PM! :lol: