Purposeful Isolation

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I generally can't stand "hanging out" with people for the sheer purpose of socializing. There needs to be a reason behind being around people, whether because of work or academics. However, I do quite enjoy speaking to those who share my interests or have high verbal ability. I seek much pleasure from words.

The real problem is that I've hurt so many people. I've led so many on to think that I will be their friend when I wanted to, but I just couldn't stand it any longer. Plus these are peers that don't know about the nature of my AS. Some have seen some eccentricities in me they find "cute," but we all know there are a lot of aspects of AS that are far from pleasant. Others have only interacted with me briefly and have fallen for my facade of normalcy (i.e. trying to make regular eye contact based on how others do it).

Ultimately I just want to be accepted as a happy loner, but society always wants to criticize or intervene in situations they deem maladaptive.

Can anyone relate?

Yes. I feel very similar in almost all respects except for that part about wanting to be around good speakers. In general I've always gotten much more from energy than words. It's very hard when people you care about try to force you to be someone you're not comfortable with. I don't enjoy socializing for socializings sakes either unless I feel really comfortable with a person am in a very low key environment and good energy which hasn't been often. I've finally just gotten to where I'm not going to do something if I don't feel comfortable no matter who they are or how they pressure me.......and I hate to say it for fear of NTs lurking but I feel happy feeling that way. The only thing I'm working on now is that when I do let someone into my world even if just a little they tend to have more of a say in my life than is comfortable for me sometimes but I have weird conceptions of friends I guess still. Anyway I'm working on that....

Like this place... its a bit creepy for me. I just got a private msg that was totally like some nigerian scam.. Is being here like advertising you are some kind of easy prey? Even more reason to not socialize.

I got something like four or five of those in one day recently, but that same kind of thing happens in regular e-mail all the time ... and overall, I think WP members actually have it nice here since the mods monitor new signups and stay right on top of that.

I am a lot like you, tropicalcows. "Hanging out" seems purposeless to me. I seem to need a specific point of focus at all times, and just milling around in a crowd does not provide that.

I don't mind a chance to go out to sit in the middle of a crowd and observe. Problem is, I'm obvious about it and it gets misinterpreted as being pensive. Or correctly interpreted as being creepy (I guess). Maybe it's sociopathic of me to turn it into a game of "can I hide my creepiness from these people," but it seems to be the only way to get the result of "everyone goes home happy, no one goes home creeped out."



To be honest, not really: I gave up on being accepted by "society as a whole." I concentrate on being able to interact with coworkers without appreciable friction. I find so much more joy in doing homebody things (slashturbating, doing computery stuff) on my own compared to being sociable around others or playing "hide the creep." If anyone else can stand being around me, well, great I guess.

I generally try to be pleasant enough in public since it's uncomfortable to stand out for me. Sometimes it gets taken as an invitation.

Come to think of it, my sister once remarked that she never makes eye contact in the street where she lives (big cosmopolitan city) or else men tend to think it's an invitation for a proposition. I should ask her what she does to discourage contact without standing out...