''You need to get out to clubs and bars to meet people!''

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Don't this critical comment really annoy you?

Personally, I don't think clubs and bars are the right place for a socially phobic shy person on the Autistic spectrum to be able to make the right friends. I've been to these kinds of places before, and the music was loud, I couldn't hear myself or other people talk, it was too cold to stand outside and talk to people, and everybody were obnoxious and got drunk, and I just found myself sitting in a corner wanting to go home, and when I did get home I had just as many friends as I had before I went to the party, in other words it wasn't worth going at all because I didn't make friends with anybody. OK, I said the odd few words, but why should I make all the effort? If I make too much effort I just end up making a fool of myself or worrying that I will, and I don't always like to get on the wrong side of teenagers, especially when they start getting drunk....

Nope. Clubs and bars are not the right place for me to meet people. I wish people knew that there are lots of other ways to meet people. The friends I've got now were never first met in a bar. Some I met at my voluntary job, some I met on the bus, some I met at courses I've done, and some I've even met in the library, where I don't normally go to. So I didn't even need to do much to meet people at these sorts of places, whereas going to a bar took up my whole energy and didn't do me any good at all. I think bars and clubs are more for people who like to socialise, not to just walk in and make friends (unless you are an outgoing person who makes friends within a flash of lightening). But otherwise, for people who are shy and need to make the right friends, I think clubs and bars are a stupid idea if you're not into drinking and dancing and dressing up.
Anyone else agree?

I agree. My mother believes this is all in my head, so she just says "You need to get out more!" But that's just it: I don't want to.

I agree. I met my husband at an ice rink. I met my best friend at a science museum. Probably the worst place I can think of to meet someone is a bar or club. Most of the people are drunk or getting there, so it's not so easy to tell what they are really like, it's noisy and you can't hear what they're saying.

Last edited by Mummy_of_Peanut on 24 Oct 2011, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

moved from General Autism Discussion to Social Skills and Making Friends

I went through a phase when I used to go to clubs and bars. Noisy, smelly, claustrophobic places!
You will only end up with the wrong people who are looking for a seedy one night stand. Not very fullfilling at. Clubs and bars are definitely not suitable for meeting new friends.

I went to a bar - lounge kind of place with some people from work. They had a band and I couldn't hear a freakin thing anyone was trying to say.

I remember my mom telling me I need to join clubs or go out more and that is how I will find someone. She told me this when I was complaining about being single and how I can't find a guy.

Here was the thing, I preferred to be home and hated being out all the time and I just felt trapped in my own routines. Plus money was the issue too and I felt I couldn't afford it.

Also it doesn't help if you are shy.

Also I hate bars where it's smokey and luckily Oregon outlawed indoor smoking. Plus it's where people get drunk so it's not good to meet someone when they are drunk. I am just not into drinking and socializing.

Which is the key to maintaining human relationships.

I agree, I've never been a fan of clubs since I think they're meat markets. In nightclubs, the music is very loud so social interaction is more based on body language which isn't great if you're not outwardly or expressive in your body language and you don't feel comfortable. Clubs can cause sensory issues and it's very difficult for us to process everything at once, I think that's why we're more drained by clubs, I've never felt comfortable or relaxed in a club and I tend to sneak out of parties people have invited me to in the past. I do however like going into pubs with people for a nice quiet game of darts as the focus isn't so much on socializing but the sport.

Nightclubs and bars are rife with very superficial people who love small talk and are all about meeting as many people as possible without truly knowing them. I've learned from experience that if you want anything deep, genuine, and satisfying, don't look to anyone at a club to give it to you. It's all about having fun for the moment and ditching everyone until the next event. I can't understand why anyone would be satisfied by that.

I never put that together before.

I was very unaware of this, I wondered why I could socialize better in libraries or parks but not in nightclubs. Nightclubs tend to be based on physical and sexual escalation, it's also very dependent on social proof. If you're standing in a corner alone scanning the area, you're most likely to come across as creepy or undesirable.

You could try joining a club based around your interests. Find something you can tolerate.

In my opinion, going to a night club is not the way to go about making friends or meeting people. The only people you're likely to meet at bars are the ones who like to get drunk.

This sort of attitude really hacks me off.

Why on Earth would you applaud a smoking ban for a hospitality industry situated on private property? A hospitality industry you never seem to use yourself so has absolutely no effect on you whatsoever? A hospitality industry where many of the people that do use it are either indifferent to or against bans?

Your attitude is a petty, vindictive, vicious one and it is an attitude that is leading to the death of our freedoms.

Think about that when someone has a pop at something you enjoy doing.

ummmmm wow. Tequila, she didn't say smokers should be put to death for goodness' sakes, so back off.

Just man up and get used to smoking outside