Why doesn't anyone ever want to hang out?

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The_Postmaster
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28 Oct 2011, 2:07 pm

I don't know why but I just realized something on the bus ride home from school today. Throughout the last three years I have only ever been asked to hang out by one person- and by this person only about 3 times. I have a group of friends at school, but I have never proposed the idea of hanging out outside of school, and they have never offered. Am I disliked? It seems that all of my friends always socialize with each other- I heard two of them talking recently about one of them going to the others house, and just recently one posted on Facebook about seeing a movie with a couple of others. I never get invited to parties. Or anywhere, for that matter. I guess it just didn't matter to me until I started taking anti-depressants and anxiety meds, but now I realize that normal teenagers are supposed to be asked and ask others to socialize. Have I done something wrong? I mean, it seems like most of my friends don't need to ask, they are simply asked to socialize.
And another thing- being that I historically don't often initiate friendships, usually I will only befriend those who will initiate it for me. Very few people ever do this, and of those few, not one girl has ever tried to initiate friendship with me; which seems odd, because, again, all of my friends have both male and female friends. For a teenager's social life to be this abnormal there has to be some contributing factor, something I am doing wrong. Any advice?



arielhawksquill
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28 Oct 2011, 2:28 pm

Have you ever invited anybody to hang out with you? Sometimes you have to make the first move.



Sparx
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28 Oct 2011, 2:34 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
Have you ever invited anybody to hang out with you? Sometimes you have to make the first move.


I agree. They might just think you wouldn't be interested.



The_Postmaster
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28 Oct 2011, 3:15 pm

No, I haven't asked, because it always seemed that no one else had to ever ask, people would just ask them to hang out.
That isn't the case for me- so maybe, as you say, I will have to make the first move.
So how do I go about doing that without seeming awkward? I mean, I haven't asked anyone to socialize... ever. So I don't even know where to begin with that. I think I need to make it seem natural, like I've done it a hundred times.
Besides that, I have been a bit of a "loner" I suppose you could say. Would it seem awkward if I just suddenly started trying to socialize?



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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28 Oct 2011, 3:49 pm

The_Postmaster wrote:
. . . I think I need to make it seem natural, like I've done it a hundred times. . .

Yes, you want to do it with a light touch. You want it to seem like you're not investing that much into it, by at first, not investing that much into.

Ideally, a relationship kind of ping pongs back and forth as each person generally invests more over time.

Maybe be a low-key leader? Pick an event you might be interested in, ask three other people. If all three say no, that's fine, the baseline is that not enough people are interested in the event. If one says yes, the event is a question mark, see if you can get more. If two or three say yes, it's a winning event.



Sparx
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28 Oct 2011, 10:28 pm

The_Postmaster wrote:
Would it seem awkward if I just suddenly started trying to socialize?


I don't think NT people really think about that too much. You're probably overthinking it. I always do that.
Even if it feels awkward to you, they might not even notice. But, even if they do, you gotta start somewhere, right? Facing awkwardness is unfortunately something Aspies must do often to socialize. But if you really want to do it, you'll find the courage.