I have a friend, but...

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Hey,

So, at college I've made a friend. We talk at the beginning of the class that I have with him, and I've been to his apartment (met his roomates, etc.). We might play D&D together at some point. The problem is that while he's been friendly and can be fun to talk to, I don't really think we, well, work too well together as friends. For one thing, he smokes a lot of pot, which I can't stand the smell of. For another, he seems to have a very nihilistic attitude about things, and half of what he says is apparently in sarcasm (he's said this), which I can never pick up on. Just today he mentioned wishing Harry Potter would die, and I wasn't sure if he was serious or sarcastic. (I'm a major HP fan.) Also there's just a major clash of values. I mean we haven't argued, I've made sure to keep very easy going. But...I'm really into peace and compassion and all that. I'm into in depth characters in roleplaying. He's more the sort to play D&D with minimal character work and an emphesis on just battles, the whole "kick in the door" approach.

So, it's kinda like...okay, this is practically the first real-life friendship I've had since fifth grade, so I don't want to squander it, especially since I haven't made any other connections, but...I'm just not feeling it, you know? I want to be friends with people who I can relate to better. So I'm kind of caught here. I know if I just tell him, "Sorry, this isn't working," then I'd feel bad about it. I'm just kind of playing it easy right now, talking to him in class and what not, but not really putting much into it.

Any advice?

Keep laying low...you have nothing(or not much) to lose by letting it die the natural death...vs..alienating him by saying you dont want to be friends.

I'd rather have no friends at all than a crappy one, but that's just me.

That is complicated.

Well... I don't know for sure, but maybe in a peaceful way, you just have to start phasing away from him. Chances are he himself doesn't know when he's joking/serious. And when someone does not undestand their -own- actions, then there is NO chance for a person with AS to understand that person's actions. As far as I am concerned, that is a physical impossibility.

Any person that causes this much confusion... ultimately needs to be let go. That is just my opinion.

I think instead of outright telling him you don’t want to be friends, you should just be yourself around him. For instants when you don’t agree with him you should tell him so, if your not sure if he’s being sarcastic ask if he is, if you don’t like that he smokes pot tell him how stupid it is, and if you like Harry Potter than don’t hide it. And if he stays you’re fried after all this than that would be a pretty good thing.

Well, now you have one friend, it's time to meet his friends. A weekly social activity like D&D can be great for this. You get to know someone there that you like and then participate in one of their interests and meet some of their other friends. Good PR from friend #1 won't hurt.

I don't know why you would post this thread and say it isn't a poll when it really is.

Sometimes people become 'deeper' and more interesting as you get to know them. I would keep your options open right now. It isn't essential to have everything in common. If it was, you'd spend your life looking for a friend who was a mirror image of yourself, which is not only unrealistic but also a bit egotistical!

Don't write off the friendship until you know more about him and have got used to his sense of humour and his way of saying things. He'll be going through the same process trying to understand you. You might find you agree on more than you thought. You might find that you can agree to differ and still get on. Or it might not work out at all - I dunno. But give it more time first.

Oh, do you?