When somebody wants something, how do you say no?

Post Reply New Topic

I find it hard to do.

"No."

"I am not able to help you with this."

"I'm sorry that you have this need, but I am unable to help you."

"No thanks."

"You will have to get this elsewhere."

"I can't help you with this personally, perhaps I can help you find somewhere or someone that CAN help you."

"I feel your need, but this is your responsibility and I am saying 'no'"

"No, and I would like to stress that this is my final answer. I would appreciate you stop asking."

How's that?

I wanted to add something to my above reply...

I USED to have a lot of problems saying "no" when I was much younger. I had some "boundary issues". In other words, I had trouble distinguishing when my responsibility and someone elses responsibility were separated.

For instance, if someone asked me to "lend" (they meant "give") them money for coffee, I would feel that I should help them because I would feel bad if I didn't have money for coffee. However, in reality, the person I would lend the money to would never pay me back, nor were they particular more friendly with me after helping them out. The fact is - as mature human beings - they are as able to budget their money and have money for coffee as anyone else. Their needing money for coffee because they were unable to budget was NOT my problem - it was their problem. It took a while for me to say, "I don't have any money to spare this time, sorry." and stand by this.

As for your specific situation(s) - think of times when you wished you would have said "no". Think about the situations - was the person trying to put their problem onto you? How? After you have thought of this, draft some short, scripted responses. Take at look at my first post for some ideas. Maybe people are always hitting you up for coffee money or asking for cigarettes or gum. Whatever this situation is - have a couple of short, firm responses on the ready. It will feel unnatural to you at first - but once you practice - you will find it easier to say no. Better yet, the people who tend to take advantage of you will stop asking as they realize that you are a person who is assertive and can stand up for themselves.

Tell them "not no, but F@CK!. NO!" then smile and turn your back on them like they are not even there.

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

"I can't help you with that."

"I'm busy."

"No."

I used to have this when I was younger. Now I just say a terse "no" and that is it, especially when I see no benefit in helping out and no harm in saying "no."

I was never taught to say NO.
My parents were narcisstic and they used to compel me to do things and i if i didnt do they would beat me up.

My mother used to end up at my place at odd hours sometimes in late afternoon without informing and she expected me to serve her a hearty meal at a short time notice.

She would enter early morning around 6.00 and expect me to rush and run around the room warming tea and making morning breakfast for her she would not have courtesy to even inform earlier that she would be landing up.

Slowly and steadily i understood how to avoid her i would just go back to bed when she landed up at odd hours making it quite clear that i would not act as her servant.

but yet i have not learned to say NO to other people and i have a tough time dealing with this issue.

"I'm not sure. Can I have some time to think about this."

"I am currently busy with many tasks on my hands, and i'm tied up. Can I get back to you in a week or two?"
(and then never do). If it is a very temporary request, then it will fade away.

or my favorite:
just "No"

If they want you to take them somewhere or run an errand for them "I'm sorry, I can't. I have plans" (Your plans are to do anything else but that!)

If they want to borrow money "I'm sorry, I just don't have it" (You may have money but you don't have money to lend them)

If they want to borrow an item of yours you can either say that you are planning on using it, it's not working right, you have already promised to let someone else borrow it, or if it's clothing say someone else has borrowed it, it has a rip and is being fixed, it's at the cleaners, etc.

If somebody wants to crash on your couch for a night or two tell them that you have plans at your house which may include another sleepover guest, so not this time.

If they want a jump off, you tell them your alternator isn't that good, nor is your battery and you arent taking any chances.

If they want to use your cell phone, your battery is almost dead and you don't want it to die before you can charge it

Or, you could just say with a sympathetic look "I'm sorry, I can't. I gotta run though, see ya!" and leave. You don't have to give an excuse. You do not owe them one. But it's only polite to give them one, even if it's not exactly true.

Frances

"No."

"Thanks, but I think I'll be alright/good/fine."

"Nah, I'll pass. Thanks, though."

"Die die die!"

I'm not asking HOW do YOU say no.....
It's just that I really don't want to hurt the other persons feelings by saying no (Without lying). But it's okay. I've dealt with it....