I'm being killed.

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There are a lot of people with AS that are grown adults now. But... I'm only 17. And I can't imagine being a grown adult anymore. Know why?

This loneliness is slowly but surely murdering me from the inside out.

* Every person I get interested in, I have to SYSTEMICALLY work to become my friend. Like a freaking stategy game. That is fun for the first few years... but now it is taking its toll on my mind. I'm only seventeen, and already I'm tired of people. Sick and tired of looking at them. Smelling them. Hearing them.

* This need for romantic companionship, one that isn't going to be fulfilled anytime soon, is on the verge of driving me insane. I find myself sometimes thinking about ripping my testicles out to stop the potent flow of hormones. No testicles = no sexual drive. I ACTUALLY CONSIDER DOING THIS!

* The fact that most people, not even people on the internet share my obsession, magnifies this lonely feeling about a million-times fold. You know what my obsession is? Short, thin girls with short black hair and pale skin. That is my obsession. It is good to be unique, but to be this unique, can be damaging to the mind.

* Maybe since I know how close I am to going crazy, there is some help for me. I can't go to a shrink anymore. Don't even ask why; not my fault. I seriously debate the sanity of my own mother, and my stepdad is a very busy person.

I'm not here to complain. I don't like complaining, because it makes me feel weak. But this time I'll admit that I am weak. Very weak. Sick and tired of having to put up with this loneliness and isolation.

If anyone has some inspirational word that can change this all around, or at least some ADVICE... I would appreciate the hell out of that.

Sounds like my type to. Though they do not need to be pale. Would you consider an
asian women. I can think of a Chinese grad student at my college that fits that perfect. This was ten years ago i walked her home from an evening advance chemistry glass.

Yeah if I had more money I would try to meet some "mail-order" brides in asia or the
former USSR countries.

Yes, I sometimes find Chinese/Japanese (orientals) attractive; and I guess that is -sort of- where my obsession lays. Anyhow there are a lot of oriental females who fit that criteria, you know?

http://www.blossoms.com

I got their catalog like 15 years ago before I went to college. I never wrote any girls but
thats an idea. Oh look up a girl who is 22 with a college degree in a field that is in short
supply to
-----------------------

The bulk of women I think will be in the Phillpines(spelled wrong I'm sure) and they
will all be religious it seems. So she might make you goto church. ha ha

Last edited by TheMachine1 on 04 Oct 2006, 2:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Looking through that site right now. Thank you!

I have considered ordering date magazines before... hmm...

I thought about mail-order brides, but they are expensive, and I am not sure if such a thing is even legal.

Tim