Conversations with you + another + a third person?

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AngelKnight
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15 Nov 2011, 7:33 pm

So in general I seem to have appropriate control over a social conversation when it's just me and another person. I'm relatively okay at gauging interest, managing flow and rhythm, knowing when the conversation is ended, the works.

When there's a third participant, it's like all the rules change, and I manage to annoy at least one of the other people, typically in 5 minutes or less. Someone ends up excluded or mishandled and I can't avoid feeling that I'm causing this to happen.

I guess I never learned, so I'll ask: what does one do to manage a conversation with more than two participants?

Maybe another way to ask: does anyone have experience in the sorts of mistakes that a socially naive person might make managing a 3+ person conversation that won't be made with a one-on-one conversation?

Questions? Comments? "Why the heck are you asking such a weird question anyway??"



Ollytheaspie
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15 Nov 2011, 7:51 pm

haha yeah I have great difficulty in group conversations too, all sorts of things have happened in the past, I've left people out of the conversation and they've become annoyed because they are not getting any attention at all. I've become annoyed myself because of this they have returned by leaving me out of conversations and I have become the observer (which I've been most of my life in fairness) with one person I've learned how to keep the conversation going flowingly but even know as a 19 year old I STILL dislike group conversations because I know what is going to occur, I always know social awkwardness is going to happen no matter what know so I stop thinking about the consequences. I can't give any tips on how to handle these sorts of situations because I don't know what to do. I'd like help in this area indeed, and it's a very good question and not a silly one, you're not the only one struggling in this area.



Ai_Ling
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16 Nov 2011, 3:01 am

Yeah with groups, you have to keep track of more then one persons body language and reactions and the flow of the overall conversation. Were as with just one person, you have more control over the flow.



AngelKnight
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18 Nov 2011, 12:19 pm

Mmm, I guess I sort-of felt inside that there is not much for this other than practice. This feels a bit like being color-blind and yet going to an exhibition for paintings of rainbows. Oh well...



Aimless
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18 Nov 2011, 5:48 pm

When talking to more than one person, I tend to focus on just one. I'm not good at periodically looking at the other person to include them.


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19 Nov 2011, 1:43 am

Oh, it's torture. It's like person no.3 just wants to slap me to shut me up. It was ok with my brother and his girlfriend but no one else.
And I only look at one person too and feel like I'm living person no.3 out who probably hates my guts anyway, so it's cool.


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19 Nov 2011, 2:21 am

i have the same problem with group conversations. i am proficient in carrying on a conversation with one person and if a second person enters the conversation i am fine as long as i know the person well and am comfortable around them but as soon as a third person enters the conversation i say my goodbyes and leave. i know when i am outmatched.