Meeting people

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Is there a skill to meeting people? (A skill that I lack.)

Immediate clarification. When I say “meeting people” I mean having a proper conversation with them for a reasonable length of time (say half an hour). I know people will say “I met so-and-so” when all they did was shake hands with them and say hello, but that’s not what I mean by meeting someone.

And neither do I class discussions on forum sites like this one (or any other social media platform) as real communication at all! To me all social media messaging is like the sort of superficial interactions you have at a dinner party. (See my other post for more about this.)

I can’t find anywhere online where you can have proper conversations with new (more or less random) willing people. By proper conversation I mean real-time one-to-one communication.

My main question here is: is it OK to just Direct Message people on a social website like this one (or Twitter or Facebook) asking if they would like to meet (online) for a conversation? To me this kind of thing seems inappropriate and creepy and I would never do it. (So I think my question is more about etiquette rather than social skills.)

It would be good if I could do that though and, for all I know it might be perfectly acceptable and something people do all the time. But because it doesn’t say anywhere explicitly then I won’t do it.

(By the way websites like Omegle aren’t what I am looking for. They are way too casual, and most of the people on there are just horrible! I want to know who I am talking to so they don’t they have the freedom to be rude.)

In a previous message I gave an open invitation to anyone else to message me for the kind of conversation I have described above. But I got almost zero response!

Would people meeting with similar hobbies be a possibility?

Hobbies? I don’t have hobbies, look you! Because I’m not ten years old!

But I’m very glad you asked that question, Mr Goat.

Yeah, sure I’ve tried that thing where you join a group (like on Meetup) and you get together with people with a similar interest. For example say I am interested in politics so then I might join a group and attend an event which is a lecture about politics. But then the focus of the event is that thing, the lecture. Which distracts from what I want which is, as I said above, just straight conversation. 
Even when such a group arranges something more interactive like a discussion meeting it will be again, in this strange dinner party type set up, where you have a large group of people talking and where proper conversation is not possible.

I’m baffled as to why this format is so popular. I know I must be wrong about this but it seems to me that people are only interested in this type of superficial communication and not in something with a bit more substance.

And then at the end of the event everybody goes home. There’s no opportunity for the sort of interaction I want.

And another thing is this: just because two people share an interest in something with each other, this doesn’t mean they are going to engage with each other successfully about that. More generally: It’s not a shared interest in some other thing that makes for a good relationship with another person, but rather a shared interest in each other.

Again: a good conversation is determined by HOW you talk about something not WHAT you talk about. For example I might share an interest in politics (or cats, or Ancient History) with somebody. But it’s how we talk about it that’s more important to me. If they like talking about politics in a shouty and pushy way (and, let’s face it, most people (but not me) do like to talk about politics in this way) then I’m not interested.

So there you have it. That’s my view on the “meet people with the same interests” idea.

By the way: is that it? I put a message on an internet forum with many thousands of members (I assume) and I get one measly reply back. A reply which doesn’t even address my main question. That can’t be right. (I’m tapping this imaginary microphone in front of me and saying: “hello, is this thing on?”.)

And there’s another idea that doesn’t work: the one that says you can meet people on internet forums and social media.

Is my tone coming across as rather bitter and disappointed here? Sorry about that! But don’t worry, it’s just a comedy affectation. I’m actually quite a genial and merry soul. Trust me!

Well, your tone is off-putting and that pushes people away, which is the opposite of what you want to do. Plus you were dismissive toward mountain goat and his suggestion. MG is a much appreciated member of this community.

Many people on this forum have hobbies or special interests.

Getting to the point in a relationship where one exchanges deep conversations with another takes time. At least that has been true for me. Except in unusual circumstances, instant thoughtful communication doesn't happen right away.

Ah yes! Tone! So hard to convey and interpret with just words. I find a generous sprinkling of ‘LOL’s often helps, I forgot them this time. But otherwise, yes: part dismissive, part flippant, part just not agreeing at all.

Sorry, I shouldn’t have used the word “superficial” in my previous. I don’t mean to contrast what I am looking for with small talk. I’m not saying I’m looking for “deep conversations”. I’m trying (and singularly failing) to describe something else.

I guess the basic distinction I am referring to is between talking real time one-to-one and contributing to a group discussion online. I don’t get anything from the latter. The latter isn’t interactive enough. And it’s like trying to have many simultaneous conversations with others at the same time that they are having a similar number of conversations with other people. It all becomes rather bitty. Like having a meal which is mouthfuls of many different foods. Not at all satisfying.

Anyway I know I’m on a loser here. I have come onto a discussion forum to say how much I dislike the discussion forum format. How ridiculous is that!