lost my friend

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I'm feeling sad today because I must admit I have lost a friend. This has happened before, and I wish people would speak plainly, but they don't. It would be easier for me if .... when someone doesn't want to be your friend anymore... then they just say so, plainly. This friend has been backing away, being nasty, increasingly indifferent, for a long time.

He lives in a snowy area and basically I have been his snow friend. I joke that I'm his snowman... because when nice weather comes, they he doesn't need an internet friend anymore and ditches me 100%. In summer months, even if I say, 'Hey, I haven't heard from you in a long time,' he will get so angry and say I am guilting him. I am not trying to. I just miss talking with him. And so I try to put it differently and say, 'when you want to write, i'm here!' with even a smiley face. Still, he gets all mad. He needs his space, his friends are asking him to do stuff, all this. Okay, so this summer I just didn't even write.

Fall comes and cold weather... and lo and behold, he is missing me cent percent. Where have I been? Don't I know I am his BFF? How can he LIVE without me to talk with... he has no one, etc etc etc...

Okay, I say, I am your snowman. I'll talk to you. I still care.

This past week his family came to town for the holidays. I got really sick and had a huge fever and felt horrible. I did not want sympathy so much as just a few texts or lines in an email saying, "hope you feel better." But he had no time for me. I told him I am sad because it seems like I am not asking too much? I did not get MAD... I got SAD. I told him he was making me sad. I don't understand, if I am his BFF and I had a high fever... shouldn't he ask each day about how I feel?

Today I said, do you want to be my friend? He said, "Yes, but I don't know if or when we can speak again anytime soon because my family is still in town. BTW, hope your fever breaks."

This is not a friend.... am I right?

It's pretty hard to tell what's going on between you two and what each side is getting out of this relationship.
I also sometimes get mad if people try to contact me "when I'm not ready for it", although it's not so much anger, rather discomfort and pressure that I can't deal with.
However I don't know anything about that person, so I can't tell whether something similar might be the case.
It might be that this person is just using you for company when he doesn't have any other, which wouldn't be OK.

In your position I'd try to bring it out in the open and have an honest talk / written conversation about it. Make it clear that this is important to you and bothering you so that you really doubt whether you can consider this a friendship anymore. That's the only way to find out, nobody else can really tell you what's going on.

No, I don't think you're right. Unless he's your boyfriend, I think you're expecting too much. Clearly he is very interested in spending as much time as possible with the temporarily available family. He wished you healing. Yes, this is how friends are. He's a friend, not a teddy bear with unlimited availability.

Thanks, you guys. Okay then maybe I am expecting too much. I thought aquaintances were apt to ask after a sick friend in passing, but that friends might seek out a friend to inquire. It's confusing to me because he calls me his BEST friend.

No, he isn't my boyfriend... heaven forbid, lol.

In the weeks I've been his snowman again, I've missed a lot of craft and reading time to "be there" for him.

I liked the idea of reciprocity.

Yeah... being used for company. That.

Bringing it up in conversation is a good idea. I've tried but ... he does this crazy thing where I say "X" and he will restate my words in some really grandiose, hyper-dramatic, victim-y way which literally leaves me not knowing what the heck to say.

For example, if I say, "I disagree with your point" he will say, "you are telling me nothing I ever say is valid!"

Thing is, this fellow is topically very interesting. He is well read, intelligent, and funny. I just don't know how to deal appropriately with the combination between his emotional inconsistencies and my aspie ways. In a way it feels like he allows himself to be extra emo because I am a logically inclined recipient.