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Acquaintance Management

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Sunshine7
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01 Dec 2011, 10:03 am

There is probably someone in your life, right now, whom you have little desire to hang out with. The link between you and this other person is tenuous at best, you probably got to know each other via a mutual friend, but now that you officially know each other, you have to observe certain rituals like sending holiday cards and the like. This person is an acquaintance, and I find acquaintances terribly difficult to manage.

1. There's no actual motivation to be friends with them. - You got to know them somehow, somewhere, but nothing interesting happened so a friendship never really took off. But once you know a person, you can't exactly un-know him/her.

2. However, to be cavalier about it, knowing many people is useful. Useful in the most cold, mechanical way, i.e. pragmatically useful. He gives you a job opening, you do him a favour - so there's a barter trade of favours, but it remains on a superficial level, and the barter system will always exist.

3. As such, all the work in maintaining the acquaintance is to keep the merits of point number 2. Having a good social network is just, well, useful. But it's so exhausting.

Does anybody else have issues trying to maintain relationships with people at arm's length; not near enough to talk to about personal stuff, but not far away enough to not have to occasionally send cards/emails/invites to social occasions?



Radiofixr
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01 Dec 2011, 10:15 am

I have a problem right now with a friend who we were very close and now since I admitted deeper feeling they have distanced themselves and are trying to make more connections with other peopl because obviously they didn't feel the same as me and it hurts to have someone not only say they don't feel the same way but start ignoring you afetr over a year of hanging out and knowing each other very well-it hurts-what did I do wrong I just was truthful about how I felt and it wasn't feeling bad bud good feelings towards the person-now I feel punished for caring too much.


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PTSmorrow
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01 Dec 2011, 11:53 am

I can't see benefits in a social network when it comes to finding a job. There are other ways which don't require personal contact, e.g. online. Why wasting time with unimportant people?



muzikislyf
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01 Dec 2011, 6:13 pm

PTSmorrow wrote:
I can't see benefits in a social network when it comes to finding a job. There are other ways which don't require personal contact, e.g. online. Why wasting time with unimportant people?


You could not be more wrong. Job hunting and attainment is more about social connections and networking these days than skills. Companies will hire 50 people with social skills and connections before actually hiring one with skills. Most corporations even have referral programs that give an employee a bonus for suggesting someone they know for an open position. And in turn those people get moved to the top of the list when it comes to interviewing and hiring.



DialAForAwesome
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01 Dec 2011, 9:17 pm

muzikislyf wrote:
PTSmorrow wrote:
I can't see benefits in a social network when it comes to finding a job. There are other ways which don't require personal contact, e.g. online. Why wasting time with unimportant people?


You could not be more wrong. Job hunting and attainment is more about social connections and networking these days than skills. Companies will hire 50 people with social skills and connections before actually hiring one with skills. Most corporations even have referral programs that give an employee a bonus for suggesting someone they know for an open position. And in turn those people get moved to the top of the list when it comes to interviewing and hiring.


Very true. You don't even have to HAVE the skills these days. Just know how to fit in and basically remember it's who you know, and not what you know.

Hell, I've known several felons who shouldn't even get certain jobs that have been getting them simply because they're friends with the right people.


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Sweetleaf
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02 Dec 2011, 11:50 am

Sunshine7 wrote:
There is probably someone in your life, right now, whom you have little desire to hang out with. The link between you and this other person is tenuous at best, you probably got to know each other via a mutual friend, but now that you officially know each other, you have to observe certain rituals like sending holiday cards and the like. This person is an acquaintance, and I find acquaintances terribly difficult to manage.

1. There's no actual motivation to be friends with them. - You got to know them somehow, somewhere, but nothing interesting happened so a friendship never really took off. But once you know a person, you can't exactly un-know him/her.

2. However, to be cavalier about it, knowing many people is useful. Useful in the most cold, mechanical way, i.e. pragmatically useful. He gives you a job opening, you do him a favour - so there's a barter trade of favours, but it remains on a superficial level, and the barter system will always exist.

3. As such, all the work in maintaining the acquaintance is to keep the merits of point number 2. Having a good social network is just, well, useful. But it's so exhausting.

Does anybody else have issues trying to maintain relationships with people at arm's length; not near enough to talk to about personal stuff, but not far away enough to not have to occasionally send cards/emails/invites to social occasions?


Well I don't usually ever maintain relationships with people I don't like spending time with......with the exception of family members that just don't leave me alone like my grandma I would like to say we have a great relationship but she knows nothing about me, I don't really like how ignorant she is about a lot of things and she was never very nice to my dad so I would prefer not to talk to her.

But at family gatherings she's always telling me how I should call her to talk(I hate talking on the phone), send her cards ect......I don't want to be mean so I said I would last time....but I also said I don't do phone conversations so if I were to call it would be to plan a visit.


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PTSmorrow
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02 Dec 2011, 1:18 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
muzikislyf wrote:
PTSmorrow wrote:
I can't see benefits in a social network when it comes to finding a job. There are other ways which don't require personal contact, e.g. online. Why wasting time with unimportant people?


You could not be more wrong. Job hunting and attainment is more about social connections and networking these days than skills. Companies will hire 50 people with social skills and connections before actually hiring one with skills. Most corporations even have referral programs that give an employee a bonus for suggesting someone they know for an open position. And in turn those people get moved to the top of the list when it comes to interviewing and hiring.


Very true. You don't even have to HAVE the skills these days. Just know how to fit in and basically remember it's who you know, and not what you know.

Hell, I've known several felons who shouldn't even get certain jobs that have been getting them simply because they're friends with the right people.


I've always been hired because of my abilities, skills, experience. Since i work in engineering, social skills are not that important. However, i've lost some jobs due to lack of social behavior, that is, not socializing but instead confining myself to facts and instructions. But never had problems to find another job.

No idea how it works in other industries, though. Earlier, i simply sent applications to companies i found in the yellow pages, today i'd try it online.



CaptainTrips222
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04 Dec 2011, 10:11 am

muzikislyf wrote:
PTSmorrow wrote:
I can't see benefits in a social network when it comes to finding a job. There are other ways which don't require personal contact, e.g. online. Why wasting time with unimportant people?


You could not be more wrong. Job hunting and attainment is more about social connections and networking these days than skills. Companies will hire 50 people with social skills and connections before actually hiring one with skills. Most corporations even have referral programs that give an employee a bonus for suggesting someone they know for an open position. And in turn those people get moved to the top of the list when it comes to interviewing and hiring.


This is so true I almost want to die just reading it.



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05 Dec 2011, 2:24 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Very true. You don't even have to HAVE the skills these days. Just know how to fit in and basically remember it's who you know, and not what you know.

Hell, I've known several felons who shouldn't even get certain jobs that have been getting them simply because they're friends with the right people.


As the old famous quote goes..
"It's not what you know, It's who you know"



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05 Dec 2011, 7:43 pm

I agree. I can't say that I have an answer, but Facebook does come in handy. If you like or comment on someone's post, you stay on their radar with a minimum of effort on your part.



Djimbe
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05 Dec 2011, 11:27 pm

"Acquaintance Management"

sounds like its 2 doors down from the I.T. department in the uber-corp that will eventually run us all (see the movie Brazil)


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