Turning down an invitation

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Hi:
I recently had been invited to a party and I decided to turn it down because I am learning to understand my limits when I am under stress. Sometimes I have outbursts which I am learning to control. I said yesterday in the online invitation on Facebook that "I will sit this one out." The person celebrating their birthday felt that it was mean to say it that.

Was I in the wrong?

You are not in the wrong.

However, saying that you will "sit this one out" may imply to the person making the invitation that you are not interested in attending their party, but you might be interested in attending someone else's. The the person will likely infer that you gave an intentional insult, and he or she may never invite you anywhere, ever again.

(Over the years, I've learned to think like an NT. This is just one example of that way of thinking.)

It's not what you said it's the way that you said it.

"Thank you for the invite, but I can't make it. Have a nice time." would have been more appropriate. It tells the truth, that you are not going, but also shows you have no ill will toward the person.

I'll sit this one out is very dismissive.

Perhaps since you've already said what you said, you could tell the birthday person the truth about parties in general, the way you told us. If you try to minimize it, they may say, "Lots of people have that problem."

We did talk it out and I mentioned that I had been having a lot of stress and didn't feel like losing my cool and I think they understood that.

I can't say much since I myself am super sensitive to phrasing and tend to think the worst - but yeah phrasing can change perception of what you're saying, regardless of how you meant it.

I usually just apologize, explain why I can't be there, and tell them I hope they have fun. Usually works for me. The apology is especially important if you're backing out of a social obligation that you agreed to at another point.

Sometimes I'm really fascinated by how phrasing and even how you speak can convey entirely different meanings to people, whether it was your intention or not.

I sent them a text message and mentioned the reasons before saying " I will sit this one out."