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Do you have troubles socializing?
Yes 38%  38%  [ 65 ]
Yes 38%  38%  [ 65 ]
No 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
No 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
Sometimes 11%  11%  [ 19 ]
Sometimes 11%  11%  [ 19 ]
Total votes : 170

pokeapoke
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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07 Jul 2004, 10:24 pm

I have quite a bit of trouble carrying on with conversations unless its something in depth, such as politics, or a study subject, or perhaps a game, I dont relate to other people that well, and when I try to talk to somebody I just end up looking wierd, does anyone else have this problem or a solution? My parents also say that I seem like I try to educate them instead of talking to them, I dont know any other ways.
(>.<)



Tom_FL_MA
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07 Jul 2004, 10:45 pm

I have trouble in social situations, too. I have gotten better, but it can only go so far. I live in a retirement community that allows 19 years and older (I will be 27 on the 17th) to live with those 55 and over.

I feel more comfortable/more talkative around my family, especially immediate family. I wouldn't mind having some friends, but with it not being easy to begin with and living where there are mostly older people (which I don't mind because my their is a generational gap in my family and I have mostly older cousins, aunt and uncles).

This site certainly is great for all of us with Asperger's and related conditions, as well as those that have a family member or family members with the disorder.



gavrod
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08 Jul 2004, 12:55 am

I have trouble with conversations as well. I can really only talk about my favourite topics, and it probably sounds like I am trying to lecture them or teach them something. As most normal people have conversations that are centred around human emotions, gossip and idle chit-chat, when I speak about history or facts and figures or something like that it does tend to make me feel like an outcast. There is just no other way for me to fit in or communicate, other than my way.



Tom_FL_MA
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08 Jul 2004, 2:48 am

Same here Gavin. I enjoy talking to my parents about the weather and they tend to and sometimes get annoyed because I can get to the point of interrupting. I say if I don't say something short that is on my mind to say, I may not even say it or want to say it in the end.

I like how you say... "There is just no other way for me to fit in or communicate, other than my way." :)



anbuend
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08 Jul 2004, 3:33 am

I have trouble with the physical act of talking, but if given the right technology I have difficulties with NT-style (and some AC-style) conversations: Starting them, breaking into the parts in the middle when other people are talking, avoiding interrupting people, coming up with topics when it's not one I'm interested in, finding words for what I'm trying to talk about, and so forth. I do best around people who mind neither long pauses nor timing differences nor repetitiousness nor the occasional communication-difficulty-meltdown.



Wowbagger
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08 Jul 2004, 5:37 am

I too find that "NT" conversations tend to be quite empty. When I have anything to say in them it tends to be critical.

And when I'm enthusiastic about voicing my opinion I tend to stutter, use disjointed phrases, etc.



Wolfy
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08 Jul 2004, 7:08 am

Greetings,

What can I say - I am one crap conversationalist :P

I cant start a conversation or keep one going. If someones talking to me I usually have to guess when to smile, laugh etc. and I often get it wrong.

One thing that annoys me is if there is a group of people foe example the Pagan moots I go to and their conversation touches on something I'm interested in, I can never get a word in. The others just chime even if I've started saying something. Its like theres a pecking order or something. Then they move onto something else. Sometimes I try and say my piece at the end but by that time noones interested in that subject anymore and i just end up feeling stupid.


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Scoots5012
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08 Jul 2004, 7:37 am

I can be a horrible conversationalist. When I talk I often talk too fast and people tell me to slow down. When I was younger I would often yammer on about one little thing till the end of time, or until someone told me to shut up. One time I was giving a book report in class, (Someday Angeline, by Louis Sachar) I was trying to relay across to the class an important point in the book (she severely vandalizes her classroom at school), and as I did so, I noticed that the class was begining to snicker at me under my breath, finally my teacher stopped me and told to get on with it since I had spent five minutes talking about one page in the book. Today I've taught my self not to ramble on like that so I've gotten better in that sense, but I still have my moments.

Another weakness I have is when I have to talk to someone of importance, like a manager about something serious. I'll come up ahead of time what I want to say, but when I go to talk, I'll stumble over words, stutter, repeat sentences, and otherwise make a fool of myself.

The third weakness I have is being confronted, Someone could come up to me out of the blue and accuse me of doing something, and I'll stand there in shock and be like "uhhhhh, I did not!", which in and NT world is an instant sign of guilt.

BTW, have any of you ever been in a situation where your with other people, and you say something, and everyone else just ignores you. Happenes to me all the time. Don't know WHY?



Wolfy
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08 Jul 2004, 8:08 am

Greetings,

Quote:
Scoots5012 wrote :-
BTW, have any of you ever been in a situation where your with other people, and you say something, and everyone else just ignores you. Happenes to me all the time. Don't know WHY?


Every f***ing day ! ! (well almost every day)


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RoboticSquirrel
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08 Jul 2004, 3:59 pm

Straight from my point of view:

Yeah. People just say they hate me and crap. I say, "Hey, how are ya?" and they say, well, this site has young people younger than me, so, I won't mention what he said back to me. I don't do much that they'd hate, in fact, I'm almost exactly like them (I dress well, I talk well, but what isn't there?), and so, they think I'm, well, yeah, you know. So therefore, I probably do have trouble socializing, but I can't figure out why...



Taineyah
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08 Jul 2004, 4:56 pm

I have trouble socialising. I talk at, as my mum puts it, light speed, interrupt, ramble on and I have a lisp. I don't know when to stop talking and I'm repetitive... and redundant.

I gave up on "real" people a long time ago. Most NTs (but not all) aren't interested in what I have to say to their faces. I mainly depend on eamil and instant messengers to talk to people these days and it's soooooooo much easier!! !


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flamingjune
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08 Jul 2004, 11:35 pm

Scoots5012 wrote:
BTW, have any of you ever been in a situation where your with other people, and you say something, and everyone else just ignores you. Happenes to me all the time. Don't know WHY?

Story of my life.
I get especially confused over it when people do this to me and then later wonder why I didn't participate when I did.



Nuttdan
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09 Jul 2004, 3:22 am

Yep, I hate socializing unless it's with someone I know well and have enough in common to actually talk about.

I can't stand characteristicly "NT" topics of conversation that seem very empty and idle.

But if there's an intelligent conversation about an actual topic or even a range of topics, or at least some kind of substance, I can be pretty lively and good with that kind of conversation.

I do tend to go on too long, though. When I go to long trying to clarify or explain something, usually in defense, my mom will interrupt me with some barrage of insults and be all mean about it, which she does with most of my aspie traits, despite being a great person about 65% of the time.

Heh, I remember one time I was on what might be considered a date with a girl. Well, in any case, it was with a girl that I ended up really liking and by the accepted definition of the term going out with (but not declared to be doing so, because she was too embarassed of me because of what her friends thought of me and the rest of the school, which is totally dead now). But anyway, on this first of what may be considered a date, we were talking at a restaurant. She inquired as to how long it took me to make hartfordstudent.com, a community site I created over a year ago for those in my school. I went into this complicated explanation of how PHP and dynamically generated webpages made the development process different before telling her about two weeks, and she was like "Oh, ok. You could have just said two weeks".



Torley_Wong
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09 Jul 2004, 4:34 am

flamingjune wrote:
Scoots5012 wrote:
BTW, have any of you ever been in a situation where your with other people, and you say something, and everyone else just ignores you. Happenes to me all the time. Don't know WHY?

Story of my life.
I get especially confused over it when people do this to me and then later wonder why I didn't participate when I did.


Happens to me too -- I don't know know whether it's because it actually happens more to us, or we're more self-conscious, or what.

In either case, I've gotten used to it and I've noticed it happen to other people too. So I shrug it off and just wait for my next opportunity to speak. Not a big deal, unless it's me trying to warn everyone that a meteor is headed for our table at THIS VERY MOMENT!! !



Nuttdan
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09 Jul 2004, 5:45 am

Grr, yeah! :o Or sometimes I'll say hi to someone and I don't know if they're ignoring me (in which case I would terminate contact) or if they just didn't see.

And also what bugs me is when I ask someone a question, and they do not respond or make some vague gesture. I'll repeat the question once more, and then they shout the answer in a very annoyed inflection.



Scoots5012
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09 Jul 2004, 7:15 am

Quote:
And also what bugs me is when I ask someone a question, and they do not respond or make some vague gesture. I'll repeat the question once more, and then they shout the answer in a very annoyed inflection.


Oh yea.. Or how about when they give you an answer and you can't hear it, or understand what they just said (I have one HECK of a time trying to understand people who have accents) and then get angry at you because you didn't catch it the first time.