Why some of us might explain things at length.

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One of my traits that I really dislike for the most part is that, when I talk to someone or type online, I over explain things. Just a fair warning, I'll probably do it here too . My friend and I were talking about this subject and I found it interesting and it helped me better understand it.

My friend told me that, when she explains something to someone, she can do it in a few words to make all of her points and then she can just turn it off. But when I explain something, I never feel like I've touched on all the points and that the person I'm talking to still might not understand where I'm coming from. So how come my friend can make a point with much fewer words than I can? This made me think of the way the brain of some people with Asperger's processes information. We can put tons of information into our brains, but it takes a long time to process. When my friend talks, her brain processes what she says as she's saying it, so what people like us do is compensate by pushing out more information to make up for it's lack of meaning behind it. It really get's quite frustrating, especially because I can't tell if people are interested in what I'm saying or if I'm annoying them with all of this information. I've thought of a decent analogy for it. My brain is like a bucket filled with water, so much so that it's spilling out of the top. When I turn the bucket upside down to empty the water, the water remains in the bucket. Physics dictates that this is impossible, but it fits my situation.

This also makes me wonder why I have this overwhelming urge to tell people about things at length, especially my situation with Asperger's. All of this information is overflowing in my brain and I want to just get it out and into someone else brain. I've been told to make a journal or record my thoughts and it does no good for me. When I meet someone new I'm just like...



...and that can really backfire in a social or work related situation. People might get uncomfortable and possible employers might think you're crazy. I know I'm only supposed to talk about these things with those close to me or people that can easily understand, like the members of this board, but that urge is still there. It gets so bad that I will actually have a conversation, out loud, while I'm driving or while I'm alone. Don't misunderstand that. I only speak my side of the conversation and only imagine what the other person might be saying. I'm certainly not talking to an imaginary friend or anything like that. I was even saying what's in part of this thread out loud when I was on my way home from the store today.

Does anyone else have a similar experience? If you've found a way to deal with it, please let me know!

I do that too even down to simulating the sound effects of what I heard something doing-and to the boss too-he didn't like that at all.

I've noticed that symptom very prominently in aspies. I do it, my dad does it, ive known a few aspies that do that as well. Its cause NTs naturally know that certain things are implied so they can phrase there words quite succinctly. Whereas aspies feel like we gotta include every single tiny detail because we dont know what is implied and what isnt. Sometimes we need to explain that much because we dont know how to phrase things in a way where its implied. People still fail to understand us and we can feel it. I know the feeling. Thats why there's so much text on this forum.

Sometimes I listen to my dad explain how to do things and its tiring cause he goes into excruciating detail and I don't feel like listening through everything. Its like, "I get the point dad". What my dad says in 5 sentences could be easily said in 1-2. I've been working at summarizing, but I still get long winded.

I do this all the time and what you mentioned about conversations I do that too but completely in my head, before I bring something up I will go over every single thing that could possibly be said. When I type online I often get told it's too much, when I'm talking I talk too much and feel I have to explain it fully and if I'm not satisfied that I have explained something properly i will go over it again in more detail or from a different angle. Even jokes I tell, if my husband doesn't laugh then I explain why it's funny and then I'll say "now do you get it?" if he still doesn't find it funny I go over it again from a different angle sometimes changing the joke so it's from a different perspective until he 100% understands what I'm trying to say even if he still doesn't find it funny.

I can be somewhat of a pain in the butt when watching movies, I spot plot holes and then will extensively explain why that doesn't make sense / isn't possible etc etc and how they could have made it work / what they should have done. Most of the time my husband doesn't mind because it's usually films we've watched before but sometimes he has to stop me and say "enough I get it, plot hole, you don't need to explain it I get that you don't like it you don't need to explain! I get it ok?!".

I'm glad I can relate to you all, but I had a thought.

How would two people like us have a conversation? One person would be explaining something at great length, but the other person wouldn't be able to process all of the information coming out quickly enough. The reason I ask is that, even though my dad doesn't have asperger's (that I know of) he does explain things at length and I just start to zone out. Not because I don't care, but because I just can't handle it. Teachers can also do this while lecturing and it makes it hard to keep up with note taking. By the time I write the notes down, the teacher has moved on to the next topic, and I'm unable to understand the notes I've written. I don't want or expect anyone to speak so slowly that I can take my time understanding what they say. That would be very unreasonable.

I think it would be interesting to discuss how we might be able to find a solution to this or if any of you have found something that helps.

I've noticed this myself too recently. And, I think its easy to control. We probably talk for too long, because, yes, we want to get all that massive information out and its just fantastic to actually have somebody listening to it. Well, no, they are not listening, they lost interest an hour ago. Its the same way we have trouble focusing when we listen to other people, because we are focusing on something else that is of more interest to us and we are not so good at multitasking.

What I think completely solved this problem for me is learning to be concise. Process all your information first and find out what the conclusion was and whether its of any interest to anybody, skip the body and get straight to the point. Trim as much as you can. You can still get your point across, but a with only a few sentences or single statement. This would take a bit of practice, to figure out what people want to hear and also put it in the right words so that it makes sense to them and keeps them engaged.

This is what I'd like to be able to do, not just when I want to tell someone something, but mid-conversation as well. I can at least try figuring out my main point beforehand.

I think it does have something to do with how we process things. We process all visual information at once whereas NT's brains can choose what to focus on. But then because we can get overloaded by all this information we focus on just one part, even smaller then what they do. Of course this last bit has nothing to do with your question.
Could also have something to do with having a more detailed long term memory, unless you also have ADHD like me.

I have a lot of thoughts in my mind and I end up writing a blog or article about it.

I get so excited about things I've got to tell someone about it but I always feel like I never said enough. Like you and the levitating water in the bucket analogy.

I over explain things all the time.
And then I follow up with the person by explaining why I over explain.
Which doesn't make things better, obviously ... so then I apologise and over explain why I needed to explain the over explaining.

This may sound like I'm being facetious, but I'm really not. I'm explaining how it is for me. I hate this particular trait of my ASD. I really, truly, honestly hate it. It drives me bonkers because I *know* I'm doing it, but cannot seem to stop it once it's started ... and I can't stop it from starting. It is one of the most troublesome traits for me.

I am practising writing more concise forum posts ... but I don't think I'm succeeding particularly well. This one isn't bad though.

Haha, that sums up my Mom extremely well. 9 messages from her on my answering machine today, all run out of space each time, so she called again to continue. About 1 and 1/2 of them consisted of her telling me in detail about how a couple of people she knew helped her shovel the driveway today. Most of the rest were on about that level of usefulness.
And before you think she's like conversationally deprived with me or something, there were something like 3 messages yesterday, 5 the day before, maybe 2 the day before, etc., all about something like details of the weather, or how she went in town, or about something she observed about the new people next door (who I've never met), etc. And before that on the weekend I called back to answer a question she had asked, and while I managed to converse with her somewhat properly (like I say some things too), before long, she was off, talking practically nonstop for over an hour. It's really rather extraordinary how she does this, and without seeming to notice that the person on the other end of the "conversation" doesn't care about whatever it is. But it does cheer her up, and I've managed to find the proper balance between keeping myself from going into a chat-induced coma by playing a game or something on my computer and seeming reasonably affirmative and supportive.

But lol, "tell all the things," that she does. There will likely be at least 3 messages from her on my answering machine tomorrow morning before I get up.

After a while I just naturally stopped talking about things at length and detail, because I realized that most people don't really care about anything and I am just wasting my time.

Your post seems really concise to me YellowBanana

Someone suggested something to me and I had already started doing it recently. Making notes has helped in certain situations, like when I make a phone call for a specific purpose or a dr. appointment. This way, I don't jump around too much when I'm talking and I can get right to the point. It's helped a great deal in therapy sessions. The only thing it doesn't help in is casual conversation. I never know what my friend and I will talk about, so I don't make notes. There may be one or two things I want to say, but it's never anything specific.

I seem to have the opposite, I don't know when I'm doing it, even in written form I don't(at the time of doing it) see any problem with writing a huge post, if I specifically need to explain alot of points in it. It's only afterwards I may think that a specific post or email was probably a little too long or detailed. I do it all the time in conversation for example I was at the doctors yesterday explaining my need for a referral and my husband was with me. He kept squeezing my hand repetitively during the appointment until eventually I glared at him and he shook his head. I had no idea what he was trying to get across until we got outside and he said I was rambling alot and the doctor wasn't really listening after a certain point because I was going too in depth about a subject the doctor had no idea and apparently no interest in.

I don't do this ever.

I keep reediting my posts cuz I realize i am rambling in some places

I tend to do that too lol. I'm always like "Is this going to be too much for a post?". But then I figure people here understand.