People calling "Just to say hi..."

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I don't really understand this. It's apparently one of my big social problems or something. People call me expecting a short phone call, and I make it go on for a lot longer than people want. Today someone I knew from church called me, and he asked how I was doing, I told him about how I beat my deadlift record, stuff like that. Like I don't get it, is someone calling me supposed to make me feel better or something? Is it just sorta done just because it's the nice thing to do? I mean, it's not like I'm like, terribly annoyed at it, just if I'm calling someone on the phone, I usually wanna like, talk about specific things, to be fair, usually it's stuff I'm doing and whatever, but yeah.

Is anyone else sorta perplexed by the sorta "calling just to say hi" kinda thing? I really don't get it, you know? I mean, how I type on this messageboard is more or less how I talk in real life, so I'm probably longwinded and boring in real life. I mean, I'm slightly less wordy in real life, but I don't think by much. But yeah, I kinda don't get it. It's probably why I put off so many people once I initially meet them, I don't really get the empathy or formality or whatever of calling an acquaintance "just to say hi." Anyway, anyone else have this problem? Once they get a friend, they seem to talk to them like they normally do about their stuff (maybe special interests) when their friend just sorta called to "just say hello"? Oddly, my best friends and I have been on the phone for like 3-4 hours before, and I'm fine with it. At the same time, I can call those friends and talk to them about usually a specific thing for like anywhere from 30 seconds "hey, where's ___, oh ok bye" or sometimes just call and it'll be like a 5 minute conversation about something and yeah..

But yeah, calling "just to say hi" it sorta perplexes me.

I think people expect long phone calls but I always cut phone calls short.

I do it myself, and that's simply because I want to talk to people that I enjoy talking to. It's probably the same with your acquaintances, that they enjoy talking to you.

My phone calls are usually along the lines of:

Me: It's Tuesday tomorrow, and we usually meet up on a Tuesday - are you free?
Friend: Yes I'm free, do you want to go for coffee?
Me: That would be nice. We could meet at Costa at 10:30?
Friend: OK
Me: See you tomorrow then. Bye,
Friend: Bye

Occasionally I may have a more in-depth conversation with someone if I've just discovered something really interesting and can't wait a few days until I next see her, or if she's just had a major life event like losing her job, but generally our conversations have a specific purpose and don't last more than a few seconds. We seldom ring each other anyway, we usually see each other once a week and tend to call or text once a week to arrange our meeting.

Yeah I dont really get why people would call just to say hi. That doesnt happen to me very often, very seldom. But if someone did, I would end up making the call go on a lot longer then intended. If someone just wants a brief talk with vague answers, then why not text or email. There's other ways of contacting people these days.

I wonder if they didn't really call to ask how you're doing, but they themselves have something on their mind they want to lead up to and talk about with someone? However they do this silly thing to get the call started and break the ice with an opening phrase like "Hi how are you?". The expectation is a brief update followed by you asking how they are and tossing the direction of the conversation back to them.

Possibly they first ask how you are doing because they want to gauge your state of mind first before bringing up another topic.

Either way I think it might be a good idea to consider if you're actually hogging the conversation and making it all about you. After reading John E. Robison's books I try to consider the idea that that other people want to talk about themselves and their interests even if they may be things I don't care about at the moment. I should ask about how their business is doing and how their family is doing.

ABC123 makes a good point. ^

My conversations tend to be like little black cat's. "I am here, where are you? How about 3pm thursday, bye"

There are 3 people I will talk to at length on the phone with no ulterior motives, sometimes about nothing. My mom, a former bandmate, and a sometime travelling partner.

My mom gets the pleasantries because she just wants to know how I'm doing, she worries about me. My life scares her.

The ex-bandmate, he & I do similar art thingies, so we chat now and then to see what the other one is working on these days. We learn a lot from each other by accident this way. It's nice.

The ex-travelling partner and I are confidants. We chat randomly every month or two, and talk about what is stressing us out and give each other advice, or just share new interests and discoveries with each other.

They've learned not to do that to me.

I don't understand people calling to say "hello" either. Actually what they usually say is they wanted to see how I'm doing, what's going on, which I find unbelievable because they don't really seem interested in what I have to say. I think most times those people are calling me just to vent about something.

I dislike it even more when people email me just to say "hey", I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to that. Saying "hey" back? What's the point?

It's to deepen an existing friendship, and chatting from time to time helps nuture a friendship and reassures that you are thought of. It's unstated message is "I'm thinking of you", even though the banality and pointlessness of the talk may seem like they are saying otherwise.

I find this kind of thing obnoxious too, because I am a person who likes substance in my friendships. Many of my friends do this a lot, but I tend to suck it up as I know it may lead to something deeper later on. It's rewarding in knowing that small talk will help me get there.

I do this too. My friend is always the one to say "Ok well I gotta go."

I'd rather nobody call or text me unless it's necessary or really interesting to me

Well I can say tht I'm the opposite of that. I'm always the one to end a conversation with ma family or friends. I usually are out of things to talk about or dont know what to talk about, since my interests are mostly different to them. This happens in all conversations, no matter if it's irl, phone, or chat.

I understand that you need to make these connections via the phone to maintain relationships.
If someone calls just to say "hi" my brain usually freezes or races into overdrive in an attempt to think of something to talk about. then i stress that i'm taking to long and that they think I'm an idiot. usually after I hang up i'll think of something.