How I did develop my social skills

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This is only bound to what I have been doing to my self over the years. I am thinking that by writing this that this might be an help to some other people out there.

The basic for my progress is the reason of what was and often is the problem today when I am communicating with people. But before I go there. Here is an little back-story on how I think and generally work in my mind.

I have an organized mind. This organizations happens in my mind visually and is subject to rapid changes and often just pure guessing on my part. But that is just how human communication is often about. The added complexity also comes from silent communication. That is how people look at me or just act around me when I am close to it.

Here are the principles of human communication that I have currently in place. They have been adopted so that they reefer to people in third person.

- Must people are shy about there true feelings and do not show them in public. Unless with a "approved" partner. That includes boyfriend/girlfriend or a family member. Strangers are not shown this feelings and friends are often shown limited amount of feeling in public. Even if that might well be different in private. But the that depends on the friendship in question.

- Some people just don't like you for no reason at all. But the science tells that this might be due to genetics rather then anything else. News about this here.

- Be among people. Being alone is not good for developing people skills. * For that reason. I choose to live where there are a lot of people. That is also why I am moving to a different country. Iceland is just too small for me.

- Expect the unexpected. People due the strangest things. Expect that, at most time. There is less chance of that in well established social setups.

- People are complex. Even more so. But they might not show it in public or even in private.

- People might not care about your hobby, interest or what ever. Try to find a common ground.

- Relationships between men and women are often based on myths. They are hard to encounter and work out. But there might be a solution if there is serous interest in place. * I have never been in a relationship. So this is more of an work in progress for me.

- People sometimes like small chat about the weather, current news or something else.

- Eye contact is preferred by people in most cases.

- Drunk people are drunk people. Expect stuff from drunk people. Not all of it might be nice.

- This principles might not fill in all situations. If that happens. Do the best you can and be creative.

- Humans like to be in groups. So find your group, regardless if people in it have aspeger's syndrome or not.

This is just the basic for me. It works properly in most cases. For this reason I can function decently in most situations.

As for me personally. I have had decent social experience in recent years. But it was best around when I was 20 to 23 years old. Due the fact that then I was in school and had few friends that I was able to hang out with. But past years this has been bit more difficult as I moved to a small village and had little contact with people. Even if I had friends in the area, they where busy with there own lives as it goes.

I have tried going back to school. But in all cases I ended up being a lone in my room when I was not in school. So I have finally quit going to that school. It also played a part my age (I am 31 years old) and I was in school with 16 to 20 year old people in most cases.

I have had my heart broken in matters of love more times then I care to remember. So I am still single and I do not like it one bit.

As for me. I am going to move back to Denmark next year. I did try this year. But it failed on the money issue. That is not going to happen again for me. But I tend not to let minor issues stop me in what I want to do.

I hope that people can use what I have done to some extend. It might not work for everyone as it is. But I am sure that most people can maybe adjust it to there live if they want to use my workings on the social interaction as an person with a asperger's syndrome.

Why would i do so many things which make me feel uncomfortable, like this eye contact crap, being in groups, let alone living where many others live or engaging in meaningless chit--chat?

Wouldn't it be more beneficial to find a way how to live with certain peculiarities instead of taking so much effort to change, only to adapt to any stupid social rules?

If people, for whatever reason, try to change in such an elementary way, i guess they price they have to pay for it is way too high. They would become a faceless average person, part of the stupid mass. Does anybody actually want to give up on their own personality and preferences just in order to "fit into society?"

Good for you, jonfr, for experimenting with what works and what doesn't!

I wish you all the best and hope that you continue to improve your social skills.

i find your principles to be accurate