Body Language

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Alright, so I read the article on body language (great article by the way, as are the others in that "series"). The problem is, most of the advice the article gives is in regard to body language at work. I need help with body language in school. I don't sit face-to-face with people often, so I can't use the "Team Player" body language much.

I also have problems with feeling awkward while doing ordinary things like walking. I can't help but feel that I walk different than most other people, but I can't figure outhow to change it. Also, I have trouble sitting. I always feel as though I'm sitting differently than other people and that I look sort of anti-social (for lack of a better word). Same goes with standing.

Probably the biggest problem is my hands. I can use them fine when I talk, but if I'm not talking I never know what to do with them. Do I let them just hang limply? Folding them means defensiveness, and pocketing them is unusual.

Some of this may sound like much-ado-about-nothing, but body language does seem important and I want to know these few things.

~Chris

Can you tell us more about this "Team player" body language, or at least point us to the article? I'm frequently perceived as not a team player, though I feel that's not the case.

i don't ever notice peoples body language when there talking to me. only if there pissed off
haha

In my opinion it is generally acceptable to maintain an aura of openess. Arms crossed or hands in pocket often imply an aura of closedness. Much is dependent on context. If you continue your research it is likely that you will adapt eventually. You dont have to feel that way, you are who you are and you choose who you are. You can allow others to modulate your thinking, modulate your self, or create a balance. I choose balance. A give and accept relationship.

Sorry if my reference to the "article" wasn't clear, I meant one of the articles in the article section of this web site (check the menu on the left side). The article in particular is (I think) "How to project successful body language". It has great tips for workplace body language, but is a bit scant when it comes to body language in school.

If you can spare 20 dollars or so, go buy "the book of tells" by peter collet. You might also find it in your library. There is not a boring page in the book. He even tells how to lie, and how to spot a lie.

It covers all aspects of life, from family to work to school. Even a bit on foreign countries.

Maybe there is a lot of worthwhile information in bodylanguage books, and for sure they can be a help.
But, there is also a lot of nonsense in them, eg. what to do with your hands:

"Folding them means defensiveness, and pocketing them is unusual."

.. this is nonsense.

I suggest you keep your hands at the end of your arms, and you will do fine.

Oh.. and if you find body language and that sort of thing interesting, then you may want to look into 'Alexander technique' ( if you haven't already.)

Based on what Fuzzy said about "The Book of Tells", I may scrounge the couches for $20 and get it this weekend, it sounds like something I might want to read.

Ah yes I think we should all wear cardboard boxes with only our heads and legs sticking out (with holes for the arms but only to be used when we actually need to use them).

It's really annoying when such seemingly simple things as sitting and standing and walking are so excruciatingly hard. Well, they aren't as hard as they are awkward (at home I feel perfectly fine doing them).

I can totally relate to your post.

Years ago, when I was younger, I came across these body language books which seemed to be published in the 1970s or early 80s. I'm not 100% sure if they are still published (I assume they are), but they were helpful. Not terribly helpful (I don't think any amount of reading will make a person that has problems innately understanding body language interpret the thousands of little motions that people have, and with the correct rhythm), but it was alright.

Let the arms hang. I think.

About body language in school... what specifically are you interested in? Sitting in class? Friends? Girls? What bothered me the most when I was in school was not knowing when I was being included or excluded. It was like they sent out vibes that they expected me to receive when really they bounced back. I thought that I needed to change, that my behavior or body language needed to be modified and that when I got good enough at it, I would have figured it out as good as them. That didn't happen, and I don't think it ever will, although it gets better with practice.

Oh, one thing I know (thanks to a Seinfeld episode) is that when you walk your arms are supposed to swing back and forth (vs stuck rigidly to your side), but not in too big archs. Finding the exact arch size could be hard, though.

I find I cross my arms an awful lot, I think this means I am defensive and feel under attack, thats the only one I know!

I usually do a good job of reading clear, obvious body language like anger, sadness, laughter and other basic stuff. When it comes to flirting and other subtle body language, it is very hard for me to read. My version of flirting is probably not really considered flirting; I lack subtlety and complexity.