Tips to reduce staring?
I have a bit of a problem with staring at people when I'm in public. Sometimes its because I don't know where to put my eyes, sometimes I'm looking at other peoples' reactions to something, and other times its just because I space out and forget where I am. I don't want to seem creepy, and I obviously don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Any tips to combat this?
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"And he that strives to touch the stars
Oft stumbles at a straw."
-Edmund Spenser
Unfortunately, my school has banned cell phones, so that won't work out.
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"And he that strives to touch the stars
Oft stumbles at a straw."
-Edmund Spenser
Hmm, that can be an easy trap to fall into for people on the spectrum. I myself admit to having that happen from time to time. I'll be talking to someone and wonder "Are we close enough for me to keep eye contact the whole time? Should I glance around or would that make me look disinterested?"
If you're not talking to someone, I'd say it's generally a good idea not to look at them any longer than it would take to notice their eye colour. Distractions can help. Since your school has banned cell phones, try looking for a poster on the wall, or look out the window if there's one around.
If you are talking to them, it really is tricky - I still struggle with it, and my ASD is very mild. Just go with whatever feels comfortable. Try to think "Would I feel okay if they were looking at me for this long? Would I think they were bored if they looked away this often?" Putting yourself in someone else's shoes isn't foolproof, but it works most of the time for me and for a bunch of other people I know with ASDs who have made it to college and beyond.
Seems like a good rule of thumb. I'll try this.
Huh. I never considered this. I always assumed I was the one boring them.
_________________
"And he that strives to touch the stars
Oft stumbles at a straw."
-Edmund Spenser
If it's just to avoid attracting attention, and/or making people feel uncomfortable, just do what neurotypical people do. Invest in a pair of sunglasses for yourself, and look at people as much as you like.
I used to where sunglasses indoors for almost the exact same reason as yourself. The only exception being that I didn't care what kind of attention I attracted, however making people uncomfortable was something that I've always tried to avoid if at all possible.
One important tip I can give you if you do decide to go sunglasses, is to avoid looking directly at anyone while wearing them. Instead, center your gaze on a location near your point of interest, then look with your eyes, not your neck.
I used sunglasses to catch people staring at me. Using the tip above, when I caught someone staring at me, I'd wait a few moments, then I'd turn my gaze directly on them, giving the impression that I'd just noticed them.
In fact, had it not been for sunglasses, I seriously doubt that I'd have lost my virginity at 13. They allowed me to discreetly see which girls were interested in me, at a time (or should I say an age?) where I had nowhere near the amount of confidence I have now. It's always easier to talk to someone that you know for certain is interested in you.
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Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, but the last step on the path to salvation.
Idealist, you sly dog you, sir. Haha.
OP, I have the exact same issue in public. It's not for any reason somtimes when it comes to looking at people, it just seems to 'happen'.
My technique is what is known as a 'focus point' which I learned from drama/acting class in high school.
It's pretty simple really, find some sort of inanimate object, and use this as your 'focus point'. Do not take your eyes of this object or thing whatsoever.
It will at least make you look like you're staring out into space/dozed off.
Or try and read something hanging up on the wall, or make it your 'focus point' to at least pretend to be.
I also use this when walking in public to have my head held high and appear confident. Simply find a 'focus point' of an object or thing off of the ground, something higher than the heads of other people. Stare at it intensely, so you look confident.
Don't take it too far though, if you look too high you'll just come across as some weirdo staring at the ceiling, and also your walk/posture will also look too goofy.
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