Coping in social situations

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My social skills was greatly improved when I started working on my selfesteem. Through 8 months intense counselling i learned to have a more positive attitude towards myself. Now I am more confident and spend less time thinking how others percieve me. In cooperation whith my mentor I have become better at coping whith the stress I feel in social situations. I was exposed to gradually more challeging social situations and it learned me to relax. I have set my priorities when it comes to social events. Social events are inevitable and I try to prepare myself before each. And instead of totally avoiding parties or other gatherings of people I limit the hours I am exposed to the stress. Before I became aware that social difficulties was an Asperger trait, every party or family reunion was an agony. After the diagnosis it has helped me to be open about my difficulties towards my family, friends and colleagues. And my openes has made them accept and respect my priorities. It is not imperative that they understand how I feel, beyond that I mean no disrespect - I am just looking out for myself.

That is great--When I do go places-when I ever get invited-no one talks to me or tries to talk to me or if I walk up to people they turn away and ignore me,there is no doubt what they think of me when that happens how do you keep a positive attitude when that happens all the time. I do not think therapy will help me not get turned away from by other people.

Congrats, BjarneC!

Radiofixr, I hope that your situation can improve. I feel that I'm in the same boat as BjarneC, and it came from putting myself out there. What I've found is NTs instinctively crave social contact, therefore they actually want to be everyone's friend. That means your friend, too. Here's how I make friends:

1. Smile a lot. It has to be sincere, though. Think about what makes you happy and smile. Tell jokes, just make sure that they are appropriate.
2. Ask people about themselves. People like to talk about themselves. We Aspies can ramble, but so can NTs. If you come across as a good listener, people will like you.
3. Use the information that you get from conversation. What are their favorite movies/shows/music? Ask one or two people you like to go to a show with you.
4. Try to do things one-on-one or in small groups. I personally don't do well in groups larger than six.
5. Use your own strengths. You can dazzle people with your near-encyclopedic knowledge of everything. People tell me that they like having a "genius friend."
6. Be open about your Aspergers, but with people with whom you feel comfortable. My typical response to "How did you get so smart?" is "At great cost to my interpersonal skills." People like someone who has a sense of humor about their self. As I wrote above, people want to make friends, if you've shown yourself to be a caring and fun friend, opening up about your Aspergers will often make them draw close to you in a protective way.

Radiofixr, have you tried therapy? You said you don't think it will help you, but therapy has helped me as well as some of my friends, and I think it's helped many other people on this board too. It's possible you might try therapy and find that it's no good, but why not at least give it a try? You can find therapists that specialize in Asperger's or autistic spectrum conditions, and they would be very qualified to help you. Go into therapy with an open mind and an optimistic attitude and I think you will be surprised at the positive change that can happen in your life.

I want to try therapy very much but the minute you call up and say the dreaded "A" word all of a sudden they do not want to help you and therapists are limited to me as what my insurance will cover and if they don't cover it- it can be expensive.

That's true--it can be tough to find affordable therapy and a therapist who understands Asperger's. But it does exist, and you owe it to yourself to keep looking Don't give up--the right therapist for you is out there!

One option is that I have a friend who is a therapist. She specializes in social skills issue, so although she's not Asperger's specific, she might be able to help you. She wants to get started in doing online video counseling, and I think she might be willing to give you a few sessions for free or at a reduced price or something like that. Would you be interested in that? If so, PM me your email address and I'll forward it on to her. I can't guarantee that she could help you, but it's worth a shot

Thank you for the offer-I have a person that runs an ASPEN group in NJ who is an advocate who is working on helping me find a therapist-I do ok at my job but not for what the one therapist wanted 175.00 per session-like I said i do ok but not that ok-I will keep it in mind though-thank you for the offer-my insurance covers this one place I contacted and it took me going to the offices of the place after waiting 3 months for a call back and asking them if they wanted to see me or not-and then the therapist called me and said lets not lose touch now-so I called her back later that day to confirm a date to see her and guess what-voicemail-left a message-no call back-called again a week later-left a message-no call back-called a third time a month later and asked if she wanted to help me or not-and guess what no call back-it is frustrating as it is for me to call and ask for help in the first place and then what does this kind of thing reinforce in me as to my need to get help and search it out and to be ignored by the people who actually accept my insurance-the only group local to me that does. It doesn't inspire me to keep looking if all I have gotten in being ignored-its not fair and I know groups like this and therapists get swamped but at least tell me if you are interested-if you are not I will just go away and hide in my room and not bother anybody-what did I do to deserve being treated like this.