Do you ever feel like your female friends are too needy?

Post Reply New Topic

Don't get me wrong, I like my friends. Most of the time they are all very fun to be around, but I feel like lately some demand a lot more of me emotionally than I ask of them. They just keep texting me and trying to schedule up my life with one-on-one romance movie outings and disgustingly sweet deserts followed by "lets cry time" as I call it, where each one of them talks about the last man that made them sad and bemoans him at length. After this is done, the friend will then turn to me and attempt to dredge up something similarly terrible in my past (which I don't want to relive thank you very much). I have been told by many that this is normal girl bonding behavior, but I get so tired of forcing myself to deal with every single one of their break-ups and every single "my life is over" moment, and for crying out loud, if I have to eat one more cupcake I am going to explode. Yes, I hate cupcakes. I only eat them when I feel pressured to, and whenever I try to politely decline my friend just goes "You don't love me? Yes you do. Eat the cupcake." She will even sometimes shove things in my mouth, even though I have told her I don't like it.

I have to wonder if my friends are just used to requesting I do things for them because sometimes I need it. Sometimes I don't get unspoken cues as well as other people, so "Hey, can you please tell me good luck on my audition?" is useful, but when it's "Hey, can you please spend all of your day off with me? I just need to cry it all out with someone." I just want to run for the hills. Am I a terrible person if I ditch my friends in an emotional crisis every now and again? I mean, I feel like if it were a true emergency, there would be only one or two a year, but this is like a weekly thing! And I am getting it from four different people at once sometimes! I can't remember the last time I cried in front of any of them, in fact, I think this may have never happened. Don't they notice this!? Do they even take my sanity into consideration?

I stink at this clearly. Any thoughts?

They sound like the girliest girls imaginable. Wait soo they have weekly crying sessions with eachother. Thats absurd. They must find new things to whine about all the time. Then again I have a aspie friend who is a guy. And he usually tells me things that bug him and get on his nerves at length. About arguments hes had with people and stuff. And I think he feels better when talking them through with me.But crying would just be awkward and wierd, almost comical. Is this like the same thing just sillier?

If only that were the case it wouldn't be so mind-numbing. Usually it's just the same old miseries dredged up again and again. When I try to just grin and bear it she can tell too. "Why aren't you agreeing with me?" she'll say, or "What do you think about how I feel? Are you even listening?"

I mean, one of my friends is like old-faithful. I can almost set my watch for 10:15pm as the start of her waterworks, even if she were laughing a few minutes before. Maybe she just gets cranky at night like a small child. I should try tucking her into her bed and reading a story perhaps.

I don't even have female friends....are they really like that? :S

I have never had more than one female friend-- that I talk to regularly-- at a time. And even then, they are usually quirky like me so if we don't speak for awhile it's no big deal. Working with all women is another thing entirely--ugh.

I think you have a right not to have to listen to that so much of the time. For them it could be "normal" female bonding, but you don't like it. Can you pre-schedule something else for yourself to do when you know old faithful is about to blow? "Sorry can't make it out today, I have to _________."

I've never had girlie friends like that, most of my female friends are the "Here's the problem, forget the crying, lets just fix it" type, like I am.

But, for the cupcake shoving, maybe say you have a sensitive tooth and that sugar makes it hurt? That only works if you're drinking a non-sugary drink, though.

Those all sound like reasonable solutions were they offered to me as excuses, but if I tell her that she says immediately "Okay, so Friday is bad for you. How about Saturday? Sunday? Monday?" I sometimes feel like making excuses just makes my fear of the inevitable worse.

The good news is that I spoke at length with the primary offender today and calmed her down a bit from her break-up drama, so hopefully when I see her tomorrow she won't make me listen to her wallowing in self-pity for too long. I told her that she may not call me before noon (as she has been known to call my house very early in the morning at times).

Also, my one super awesome girl friend has been stellar at perking my crying friend up as well.
Aside from her, I think I just do better with guy friends.
Too many women in one place just gets awkward.

I think your friends are drama queens. Drama queens like to blow things out of proportion and they find comfort talking to others about their "tragedies". They seem needy because they like getting attention whether it being positive or not.

This has nothing to do with gender.

Needy people are from both genders.

This is why all my female friends are really butch lesbians.

Ditch them, because these girls obviously aren't considering your needs.

What she said.

^I wanna agree, but:

--> Girls talk.
--> Girls talk to other girls.
--> Somewhere out there, whether you know her or not, is somebody who will be in future your romantic other. Allowing yourself to be advertised as an "always being available" can't hurt your chances.

Wow, I'm a real manipulative bastard...

Also, you've been FRIENDZONED.

The OP is a female though

Part of me is a little bit envious because you have girlfriends who want to spend time you. I've always wanted that kind of friendship where they will just call any time and say "wanna go do something". The other half is glad I don't have girlie friends because this sounds like a huge emotional burden. I am also more of a "what's the problem, let's fix it" sort of person. To ditch them may be a bit dramatic - it depends how easily you would make new friends, or find the right type of friends. I'm not sure what to offer other than, no you are not a terrible person if you say no to a cry session every now and then. Just be blunt and tell her you can't deal with this right now but you know she is strong and will be able to work through this herself (like she has many times before ).