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Anorak
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07 Jan 2012, 3:26 pm

Recently I made friends with a an NT couple. I have never told them I think i have aspergers partly beacuse I don't have a diagnosis and partly because one of them have said half-negative things about peole with aspergers before.

Not so long ago they asked if I had aspergers and said "no, not that I know of" (which is half-true since I don't have a diagnosis). Well since then they have made jokes about aspergers and I'm not sure why.
Is it because they don't think I have it anymore, wants to get a reaction from me or is it just some kind of cruel joke.
I mean that is something I would expect high-school kids to do and not adults (they are both a few years older than me).

Am I just being paranoid?



psychegots
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07 Jan 2012, 3:38 pm

Sounds very unnatural to keep joking about something that specific...



Tequila
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07 Jan 2012, 3:41 pm

They think you're lying / that you really do have it.



DaWalker
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07 Jan 2012, 3:43 pm

Consider your own definition of "Friends".

then make a list in your own words.

Contemplate this new couple.


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Anorak
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07 Jan 2012, 3:52 pm

Tequila wrote:
They think you're lying / that you really do have it.


perhaps that is it.

I just wonder if it's friendly jokes to make me tell them I have it, or just cruel bullying jokes?

I would feel even less comfortable telling them now then before when they asked...



Dunnyveg
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07 Jan 2012, 4:09 pm

Anorak wrote:
Tequila wrote:
They think you're lying / that you really do have it.


perhaps that is it.

I just wonder if it's friendly jokes to make me tell them I have it, or just cruel bullying jokes?

I would feel even less comfortable telling them now then before when they asked...


Anorak, I understand your dilemma. What I've learned to do is to take their entire demeanor into account. If they are otherwise nice people, I discount remarks I find offensive. Otherwise, I move on.



OliveOilMom
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07 Jan 2012, 4:18 pm

They may be trying to hint to you that they think you have it, without coming out and saying it.

If I were you, I would ask them straight out. Also, you can tell them that you do think you have it. I don't tell many people, but if someone were to ask me I wouldn't deny it.


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pastafarian
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07 Jan 2012, 5:04 pm

Anorak wrote:
Tequila wrote:
They think you're lying / that you really do have it.


perhaps that is it.

I just wonder if it's friendly jokes to make me tell them I have it, or just cruel bullying jokes?

I would feel even less comfortable telling them now then before when they asked...


Are they cruel bullying people? Are they nice? If you find them to be nice, kind people (why else would you want them as friends?) they might simply be try to tease you into telling them.
Judge them on their actions, not on words that you might be misunderstanding.
Do they feel kind? If they feel like kind people, yet you are confused, tell them.

I tease my friends for their character traits, and in return I am relentlessly teased. But only when its understood to be kind, playful, loving mocking.



questor
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07 Jan 2012, 5:19 pm

These people sound like they think you have Asperger's Syndrome, and they are certainly trying hard to push your buttons. Nice people don't do that, so you need to figure out why you want to hang out with people who are not your friends, and who keep trying to push your buttons. Is it so important to have someone to hang out with, that you will even put up with cruel behavior? Trust me, these people are not your friends, and they are not the sort of people you should be hanging out with. Unfortunately, NTs often don't feel comfortable around non NTs, and some of them are not nice people, but like that pizza commercial says, "Avoid the Noids!" I had to deal with other kids like this couple when I was in school. Glad that's long over with.

If you are that desperate for human companionship try volunteering with charitable groups. You are more likely to find nice people there, among the other volunteers, and among the people needing help. In the meantime, consider getting a pet. They don't care that we are different. Also, continue with your online relationships, like your contacts here at Wrong Planet. We don't mind that you are different. We here are all different, too, or relatives or friends of those who are different. You are among friends here. Don't mind the occasional nasty person who drops in. Remember, it's your life. You get to choose who you spend it with. And remember also, we on the spectrum are all:

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However measured or far away.

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pastafarian
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07 Jan 2012, 5:39 pm

tell us more about them. tell us the things you like about them.

what was "the half-negative" thing they said?

are they kind in other ways? how did you meet? what do they do? do they tease each other?



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07 Jan 2012, 6:02 pm

Like others said, try to look at how they treat you the rest of the time to figure out their motivation for making those remarks. I'm try to be careful not to offend but, if I'm teasing a person, that is the surest sign that I like and feel comfortable around them.


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AkuraiUme
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07 Jan 2012, 10:52 pm

You know, it pisses me off when people take advantage of such innocence like that. What you need to do? Drop little subtle hints such as, "I met a girl who was mentally ret*d, I helped her with her school work. Unlike before, I didn't take advantage of her." Make sure you drop the bomb on the right moment. You'll hit them right in the zinger :twisted:



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08 Jan 2012, 4:12 am

AkuraiUme wrote:
You know, it pisses me off when people take advantage of such innocence like that. What you need to do? Drop little subtle hints such as, "I met a girl who was mentally ret*d, I helped her with her school work. Unlike before, I didn't take advantage of her." Make sure you drop the bomb on the right moment. You'll hit them right in the zinger :twisted:


OP please dont take this advice. We havent got a good handle on if the couple are taking advantage, OP hasn't told us enough. All we know is he is confused by their signals and cant tell if they are teasing him or being cruel. Making him assume everyone is always being cruel and encouraging creepy behaviour, is not constructive.

These might be nice folk who he is misunderstanding, like many nice NTS may have misunderstood any Aspies intent at any time. These may be the nuclei of proper friends.

He mustn't tolerant them for a moment if they aren't kind people, but if they seem nice in all other ways, it's worth determining if this an Aspie/NT communication cock-up (yes they happen!).